November 24th, 2011

Champions League Results, Pt II: Traumatic Yet Titillating

We rather liked the look of Moritz Leitner when he replaced Sven Bender in Arsenal’s victory over Dortmund last night. Further investigations confirmed that he is indeed the type of tender, succulent manmeat we thrive on. Anyone else feeling peckish? Image: Getty Images.

Marginally better that Tuesday night’s action, if your criteria includes clothing removal, short-tents and potential for sarcasm.

Ours does.

GROUP E

Bayer Leverkusen 2-1 Chelsea

“Base layers? Pah!” His team might have fallen victim to a last minute goal but the crucial moment came for us when Didier Drogba pulled off his shirt and revealed… FLESH! Wooh! Image: REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay.

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Valencia 7-0 Genk

Here’s Genk’s hot ‘keeper Laszlo Koteles, seconds after conceding a third goal to Valencia. It couldn’t get much worse… could it? Image: AP Photo/Alberto Saiz.

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GROUP F

Marseille 0-1 Olympiakos

Marseille fans looking for consolation after last night’s shock defeat to Olympiakos should look no further that Andre Pierre Gignac’s shorts. Convenient, no? Image: ANNE-CHRISTINE POUJOULAT/AFP/Getty Images.

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GROUP G

Shakhtar Donetsk 0-2 FC Porto

Hulk. Yum. (It might not seem like it sometimes, but we can be monosyllabic when it suits us, too.) Image: Reuters Pictures.

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Zenit St Petersburg 0-0 Apoel Nicosia

Ooh look! Zenit St Petersburg fans two-point ‘Shock & Awe’ plan comes off perfectly. It is meant to be ‘shock by letting off flares during the game leads to claims of awe-inspiring dumbness’, isn’t it?. Image: AP Photo/Dmitry Lovetsky.

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GROUP H

AC Milan 2-3 Barcelona

Oh Cesc. Why do you taunt us so? Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images.

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BATE Borisov 0-1 Plzen

And finally, congratulations to BATE’s Mikhail Gordeychuk, whose campaign to bring back the ‘Charlton’ is simultaneously brave and deeply upsetting. Image: VIKTOR DRACHEV/AFP/Getty Images.

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How’d the night unfold for you, Kickettes?

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32 Responses to “Champions League Results, Pt II: Traumatic Yet Titillating”

  1. Mimi says:

    I love Hulk *____*

  2. Kristina says:

    Xavi, Xavi, Xavi!!!!! Just had to get it out :)

  3. Simone says:

    MORITZ LEITNER IS 18. 18! Come on! I know. Dirty pics from locker room makes you adult – I see.

  4. xbabyshakesx says:

    WOE! great results from Valencia! ^^
    but mostly go Real & Arsenal =]

  5. anna says:

    Wow, Hulk is built more for American football! He’s really big for a football player.

  6. lizzy says:

    ok cesc needs to fix his hair its not even funny anymore…

  7. JA7 says:

    ARRRRRRRRRRRSEEEENALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

  8. Gillian says:

    WHY won't Cesc fix his hair?:

  9. IrishBlue says:

    Boo-urns :(

  10. robban says:

    and you don't even mention mellberg in the gignac pic? guy's a looker.
    http://marseille.theoffside.com/files/2009/06/mel…

  11. Cesc's downward spiral into Xabi-style clamminess continues. WHY??

    And I just have to say can someone start working on a backup RVP clone just in case? Bc I have a fainting spell every time he trips over, and I don't need that kind of stress.

    The Blossom Shed Beauty Blog

  12. Mrs Arteta says:

    Well, it is still disturbing – Cesc's hair I mean.

  13. blitzenTO says:

    Don't be fooled, Kickettes! Cesc is just flashing some thigh to distract you from his distressing hair crime. Stay focused. The Campaign to Crop Cesc's Coif must prevail!

    (The Barça/Milan game was great fun, wasn't it?)

  14. xoWinnie says:

    ugh Chelsea…just not a good month, is it?
    on the other hand, i'm quite happy for Arsenal
    (and of course, my Madrid bbs earlier in the week :)
    on a side note–is Cesc having an identity crisis?
    i usually associate long hair with some Spanish ballers,
    but child, please! you are NOT Sergio,
    you are NOT Fernando (who can't even pull it off as well a the former)…
    and now he's sporting a headband too?
    good grief! this is a travesty! he needs a wake up call asap

    Cesc, i IMPLPORE you, for all that is good–GET A HAIRCUT!

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Jajajaja!!!

      Win over cesc comment! I thought that I am used by now by cesc hair, but when he came out yesterday, I burst into tears laughing cut your hair boy por favor!

      Side note: speaking of Madrid we are one hot club, had to throw it there :p

    • lizzy says:

      amen

    • April says:

      At least Fernando had the decency to get a touch up of hair dye to ditch the roots after the imploring of Kickette staff.

      Cesc doesn't seem to care what Kickette or I want him to look like :`(

  15. Agnes Wonka says:

    Well done Valencia and Arsenal!
    I've just realized there are no thumbs down! o.o

  16. Anna says:

    He's much too young for me, but yes, Moritz Leitner is quite nice to look at (even if it makes me feel rather pervy).
    Poor Sven Bender though…he broke his jaw (on both sides!). Wish him a quick recovery.

    • DebS says:

      And he needs surgery….not good. Probably means they'll have to wire his jaw shut till it heals. :(

    • BVB` says:

      True, Moritz Leitner is only 18 years old. He is clearly a talent, the latest in the German conveyor belt of footballing talents!

  17. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Valenica, I feel so bad for them, imagine winning 7-0 go to the locker room to know Leverkusen won, if anything the Chelesa vs Valencia game will be fun to watch. Soldado hat-trick, incredible!! He is one fire.

    Congrast Gunners, first EPL to qualify :) .

    • April says:

      Well, if it counts for them for anything, Chelsea fans are most certainly worried. They have to beat Valencia or draw 0-0 to qualify. Even if they drew with goals, the away goal differential would hold Chelsea out, I think.

      Believe you me, the irony would not be lost on poor Nando if they continue their strange case of poor form. And in the game between Chelsea and Valencia… he would have to share it with Mata. Sure hope it doesn't come to that, but it is a very possible outcome.

      • Sarah, Madrid says:

        I want both these team to qualify, I think a draw could sent both through if I am not mistaken, but that if Genk win over Leverkusen. a 0-0 is enough to make Chelesa qualify, but I don't want that to be honest, I want Valencia to go to the next round as well.

        • April says:

          I like Valencia, but I believe the game is on Dec. 6th, which if I recall, is Nando's son's birthday. I'd much like him to score the winning goal (if not a few, of course) to mark the occasion :)

          Also, it would have to hurt Mata to make that move and then NOT be in CL. He really deserves to be in it, because he is just too talented not to be.

  18. Liz says:

    Great match for Barcelona!!! Although the ref was very controversial at some points.
    Cesc, PLEASE cut your hair, its a shame to see such a good looking man have crap hair.

  19. justyna says:

    CESC BARCA!!!!