November 4th, 2010

Champions League Results: The Excitement (& Bendy) Is Mounting

Benfica’s Javier Garcia has been reading his Kickette Manual. Chapter One: Meeting Yoann Gourcuff (Reuters/Daylife)

Like the Kickette Home Brew we’ve got festering in the broom cupboard for the Christmas party, this year’s Champions League is really starting to hot up. Please join us for a vintage round up of Match Day 4 fixtures. And if we suddenly stop posting for any reason over the next few days, bear with us. There’s some weirdy noises and smells coming from that end of the office. We’ve nominated an intern and prepared her for any eventuality. She’s going in. Bless her.

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, Chelsea’s imperious form in both the EPL and Europe makes it tough to see past them for either title. Carlo Ancelotti thinks so, anyway. The Blues qualified for the knockout stages of the Champions League last night with a 4-1 win over Spartak Moscow via goals from Anelka, Drogba and two from Branislav Ivanovic. You think they’re beatable, Kickettes?

Arsenal’s 5-1 thrashing of Shakhtar Donetsk at the Emirates a fortnight ago was tempered somewhat by defeat in the return leg; Wenger’s adorkable boys were beaten 2-1 in Ukraine, the winning goal scored by former Gunner Eduardo. Even Nicklas Bendtner’s avant garde tackling technique (left) failed to inspire, but if you’re reading Bendy, feel free to pop round to Kickette HQ to practice. Arsenal are top of Group H, but equal on points with Donetsk with two fixtures to play. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

Holders Inter Milan were unceremoniously dumped out of the competition by ‘The Gareth Bale Show’ (supporting cast members from the Spurs Theatre Group). After a first leg hat trick, Bale steered his side to a 3-1 victory at White Hart Lane, setting up goals for Peter Crouch and Roman Pavlyuchenko and has been hailed as ‘one of the finest left sided players in the world’ for his trouble. Our recent Sizzle Query on the Welsh Wonder prompted quite a response from you guys too. A great week all round then, Gaz!

Injuries to Nani and Darren Fletcher were the blots on an otherwise superb night for Manchester United. A 3-0 away win at Bursaspor took United to a comfortable three point lead at the top of Group C, only requiring one point from their two remaining games to qualify. On the plus side, two of their goals were scored by kidlings Obertan and Bebe, an ominous sign for anyone familiar with Alex Ferguson’s rebuilding techniques.

Jose Mourinho made a typically understated return to the San Siro for Real Madrid’s clash with AC Milan, a match that finished honours even at 2-2. Real dominated the game for periods of the first half but were unable to convert many of the chances they created, Gonzalo Higuain (left) finally netting just before half time.

Milan equalised and then took the lead via two from Philippe Inzaghi, but Pedro Leon scored a last gasp equaliser in stoppage time to ensure Madrid’s qualification. Cristiano Ronaldo spent much of the match either rolling around on his back or performing segments from Riverdance (0.31), but we’ve decided to forgive him on the grounds of… well, this. Dammit.

Schalke, having slipped into the relegation places in the Bundesliga, could not turn around their run of poor form for the CL, a 0-0 draw at Hapoel Tel-Aviv seeing them in second in Group B. Fortunately (for Schalke) despite a Spurs-esque comeback attempt, Lyon were on the wrong end of a 4-3 score line at Benfica so the French side remain top. Yoann Gourcuff (lead pic) scored for Lyon and unfortunately remained safely ensconced in his shorts for the remainder of the game.

Elsewhere, FC Twente beat Werder Bremen 2-0, Barcelona were held 1-1 at FC Copenhagen and Valencia all but ended Rangers hopes of qualification with a 3-0 victory at the Estadio Mestalla. Roma had a scary five minutes at the end of their game against Basle; a 3-0 lead slipping to a 3-2 result through late goals from Basle’s Frei and Shaquiri.

Another hat trick for Mario Gomez plus a late strike from Thomas Mueller against Cluj put Bayern Munich through to the knockout stages, while special mention must go to Marseille who achieved the biggest away win in Champions League history with a 7-0 drubbing of MSK Zilina. You’d think Andre-Pierre Gignac, who scored three of them, would be a bit more cheery, wouldn’t you?

Still, at least he popped his tummy out for pervies ladies. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Kickettes? Your thoughts?

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65 Responses to “Champions League Results: The Excitement (& Bendy) Is Mounting”

  1. cherryboomboom says:

    ALLEZ L'OM!!!!!!!!!
    Gignac , heros !!!!!
    Meilleurs match de l'annee !!!
    Ah c'est la qu'on peut dire qu'on est fiere d'etre marseillais !!!

  2. MrsFigo says:

    hmmm my Inter lost :( but i must say that Bale was world class that night… but Inter will still be further than Spurs in the CL this season. sorry Spurs fans. Forza Inter ;)
    gooooooo Manchester United!!!! glad to see Obertan on the goals, he is gonna be a star. Anyone else think he looks a bit (just a bit) like Zidane??? :P

    ooooft that lead picture of Yoann ;) my Yoann love is quite big atm.

    Also, Happy Birthday for yesterday my love Luis Figo <3 i jsut couldnt get on the computer to post it on here yesterday ahhh, Sorry baby <3

    .FORZA INTER. <3

  3. xiang says:

    I don't know if anybody pointed this out yet, but Inzaghi's first name is actually Filippo, which makes his full name Fillippo Inzaghi. Please make the correction!

  4. Gen says:

    Kickette……..ladies……… Roma also won, and Totti was on the score sheet….surely that justifies a picture LOL

    • DeeRoma says:

      The Roma score was included but yes a Totti picture or at least the goal celebration pic…

  5. Winnie Mata says:

    all i can say is god bless Pedro Léon!

  6. sheila says:

    Ladies, who else here is jealous of Javi Garcia giving GooGoo's shorts a tug? Not that I mind – those thighs are to die for.

  7. SoccerLoverrrr says:

    i wish i cud be the one pulling yoann's shorts :P

  8. Leya_S says:

    Please see my comments below for more Gennaro Gattuso love :)

    AND for your viewing pleasure:…

    Gattuso yelling at CR after a blatant dive = priceless

  9. C16 says:

    Do not want to remember.

  10. JVD says:

    Best moment of the CL so far was the Copenhagen coach getting into an angry yet stylish verbal spat with Pep. Glad for my red devils, but why does a nice CL win always have to come with injury for us??? (Nani, Antonio Valencia)

  11. azezah says:

    well, being a red, CL news doesnt matters to me this season. But couldnt that Benfica's No 6 pull them shorts of Yoann with a lil bit more force? Why Why oh, Why is everyone against me!

  12. Ashley says:

    forgive cristiano for this…
    WOW!! haha

  13. diana says:

    So glad for Super Pippo!As the way things are looking at the moment, i can't see how Milan is winning the Champs league :(
    On a side note :C. Ronaldo stop being such an ass(sorry to all his fans)!
    + Beside the joy of seing Inter losing, Gareth Bale is truly amazing….so talented.He made Maicon looks like a beginner.
    Definitely the most exciting game was Roma's!Man those romans can get angry…!

    Also, congrats to Bayern <3

    • senora ramos says:

      at least they should progress to the knockout rounds i think. as a madridista, cris was especially embarrassing yesterday. pirlo was awesome for y'all. and gattuso…maybe i should start watching y'all more often ;)

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      Well Gattuso put him in his place. But seriously did Ronaldo really think he would get away with anything with Gattuso in charge? He's lucky he didn't accidentally hurt his face with all his mellow drama.

    • DeeRoma says:

      Yes, those Romans play with something above passion and spirit.

  14. Bebo Ronaldo says:


  15. CarmenOcio says:

    Ha yeah I love telling the story! I was at the Stade de France on my school trip to Paris, and we were allowed to go into the players showers, their jacuzzi, changing rooms etc. When we went into the changing room all the french national teams shirts were hanging up in their place! Normally, you're not supposed to try them on but the tour guy made an exception, so I tried on Gourcuff and Lloris! It was amazing! :P

  16. senora ramos says:

    well, thank god for pedro leon (or peter lion like una calls him…lol) or else that would have been a debacle. fully deserved 3 points, but we're real madrid and we have a problem with finishing. pepe, what an absolutely horrible game you had my man. iker was up and down. some really nice saves, but very bad keeping on both of those goals (offsides!!!!). pirlo…wow, those two saves he made were amazing that even a madridista can appreciate it. congrats to shelf booty for being the one to get our 700th goal in wuropean competition. wish we could've gotten our 1st win there. but c'est la vie.
    and there is no way that i can possibly try to defend cris and his susan lucci acting. but let's also recall how the last 8-10 min of the match was italians doing the acting as well.
    bale was incredible and that's the only other match i mostly watched. though i did see mr selfish shoulda passed to his teammate and beat barca in their match. and valdes dude…that was worse than de jong and i hope you realise how freaking lucky you are not to be carded and suspended, whistle blown or not!

    on to the madrid derby!!!

  17. I frickin' LOVE the Champions League. I'm really pleased with the game in Turkey on Tuesday. Fletch, Obertan and Bebe on the scoresheet. Bursaspor fans were awesome! If we can finish the group with a satisfying demolition of Rangers at Ibrox, and a big night win under the lights at Old Trafford against Valencia, I will be over the moon. Final Sixteen, here we come.

  18. Leya_S says:

    So Chicharito didn't play and I was curious as to why not. Plus commentators made comments about Wayne Rooney "still being out with an ankle injury"….I thought his ankle was never injured? Newayz…

    Oh, my darling Gunners, I was so sad they lost…actually I found out the score by mistake before the game aired on TV which, of course, totally made watching the game that much worse. Plus Cesc didn't travel bc (according to he's being cautious bc he's been having hamstring problems. Fail.

    The RM/ACM game got quite HEATED at one point. And in the middle of it? Gennaro Gattuso…unsurprisingly. I will definitely miss his scruffy, sexy, anger-management issues whenever he does retire. PIPITA!!!!! Whoo 700th CL goal!! I love him.

    • blue_verry says:

      Second you congrats and love for Pipita~

      I feel quite conflicted whenever I watch him play for RM. What do you do when you love the player but can't stand the team? LOL.

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      Usually I like guys that can control themselves but if I have three favorites whose anger makes me happy. I have issues, I know, but oh man when I see him and his delicious thighs I drool. I see Pique as having somewhat related issues at times and I love it! But Gattuso was right to stand up to CR because he knows that he won't be trying the same shit with him again, and then trying to do some tricks on him? Please!!!

  19. Summer says:

    Only few words to say…Gareth Bale is the most fantastic player I've seen recently…He's a wizard, incredible, magical…Please someone calls a taxi for the poor Maicon (ah, ah and was he the best right back at the world? No, clearly not, no one is like Sergio Ramos. Sergio is the BEST!! Fantastic and cool also yesterday!)

  20. Vrock says:

    Kinda wish I saw the whole goal celebrating dance with Ramos and Higuain! So cute!!

  21. Louise says:

    Much props to the Pipita-Sergio Ramos hoedown celebration for Real Madrid's 700th goal in the Champion's League. Class.

  22. @orionstorm says:

    I'm so happy for Real Madrid! Knew it would be a tough match, and they pulled it out. Still top of the group! :D
    And special congrats to Higuain for snatching Real's 700th goal in Champions League play!

    • @DebStimson says:

      sad about the offsides goal but Iker having an off day didn't help any :{

      The Ramos was getting big props from the "analysts" on Fox Soccer Channel. They were saying how he was going to be key today in shutting down Ronaldinho (which he did :D ). They said something about him being not only a great defender but great at reading the game and being a great athlete. He definitely proved their point…was so proud of him :)

      And Inzaghi being 37 and still playing at a top club like AC Milan?! That's phenominal!

  23. blueverry says:

    Frankly, Ronaldo's spectacular dive was rather repulsive.

    • Leya_S says:

      That's why Gennaro Gattuso tried to kill him….i laughed at that….

    • Monica says:

      I liked how when he was arguing with a bunch of the players, Higuain felt the need to push one of them. It was kind of like "Get out of here!"

    • Tephy says:

      I'm a Madrid fan and just started to warm up to him (the goals helped), but then he did that telenovela move. I just…. can't. I was fuming and screaming at home, and a few seconds later RINO GATTUSO (gotta love this guy SFM) came at him and looking exactly the way I did at home.

      I'd like to think it's CR's instinct to dive and act. He just can't help it.

      • blue_verry says:

        It's a shame that those distasteful qualities of his tend to overshadow his football skills (for me). I'd like him a lot more if he replaced some of his arrogance and pretentiousness with an ounce of dignity.

        Even the SkySports commentators found it hard to stay objective when they saw what he did, lol.

  24. Zoey Milan says:

    As an AC Milan fan, im glad we drew with Real as we played really badly especially in the first half. Anyhow thanks to Super Pippo we managed to get a draw. By the way Kickette its Fillipo or Pippo, Not Phillipe. And congrats to him for becoming the top alltime scorer in Champions league history.

  25. Lunare says:

    Yoann………….. mmmm…………………….

    Ok, back to reality. The one and only time when I support Milan is when they're playing RM. How did they manage to concede a goal on 94th minute? Well, I guess there is justice in this world, Pippo il Grande Inzaghi's second one was offside.
    So happy for Roma! Though I almost thought they were going to let through the third goal.
    The rest: upset for Barca and Inter, glad for Bayern and Eduardo.
    P.S. lol, at Nicky's pick. Kickette, it made my day, thanks.

  26. McRed says:

    wowzers. i've been so distracted by yoann's gorgeous eyelashes that i've somehow managed to not notice those thighs before.


    that does it. i'm moving to France.

    (BTW are ramos and higuain square dancing?!)

  27. blake2108 says:

    Gareth Bale was outstanding yet again Tuesday night <3

    That is all.

  28. CarmenOcio says:

    Everytime I see or hear about Yoann I feel obliged to shout 'I WORE HIS SHIRT!' I love him, I've been having Lashes withdrawal symptoms…And if I was Hubschman, I'd probably have a huge smile on my face in that photo…

  29. hereforthenando says:

    Unfortunately, the thought of Nicklas Bendtner’s junk flying at my face at full-speed is kind of (or really) off-putting. Change it to Fernando, though, and we'll talk.

    • Leya_S says:

      I just snorted in my coffee when I read this!

    • blake2108 says:

      The thought of Nicklas Bendtner's junk flying at my face at full-speed is kind of (or really) a very hot one. There'd be no need for talking for me at all, I'd have my mouth full…

      Unless there was an alternative *cough* Gareth Bale *cough*

      Oh, speaking of which, If you want to see an almighty Welsh bulge from Tuesday, click below.…

      • senora ramos says:

        my god….well, now my little welsh elf…quite right on wanting that then the lush bendtner in my face lol:O

      • hereforthenando says:

        That has to be the best comment that I have ever read on Kickette. Amazing. Thank you so much.

        I don't even know how to deal with those Gareth Bale photos. What can I say, the man is PACKING.

  30. YouNeverWalkAlone says:

    My beloved Madrid did well this game, and even though it was a draw, I was frankly quite happy for a draw because even though Real Madrid will always be first in my heart, I reallyreallyreally like AC MIlan too. So it was a good day for everyone. And hooray for Pedro Leon, scoring the first goal by a Spanish player this season!! :)

  31. Caitlin says:

    As much as I love Italy (have had many great holidays there), I am hoping Liverpool will destroy Napoli tonight!

  32. Bri says:

    My little Fabio was man of the match! <3Coentrao<3Love Love Love Him!!!! I feel like a proud momma. So happy. That boy deserves recognition for all of the hard work he does.

    Also, that still of the Ramos and Pipita is SO CUTE.

  33. ILove 1n10 says:

    Argh!!!!Im so SAD at arsenal's loss.Even San Iker was unable to save Philippe Inzagh's goals.

  34. DeeRoma says:

    I am glad Milan eked out a tie but was thrilled for Roma's win. I had faith [and rosary beads on standby] that they could do it. Matchday 5 will be very tough. May need holy water as well. I just hope Nico's injury isn't serious and that those already injured get back soon!