October 19th, 2011

Champions League Results: Totally Pants

Gratuitous, exploitative and sexist photographs of players going about their business published just for titillation? Yes please!  Image: Denis Doyle/Getty Images.

We won’t disrupt your view of Iker’s undercarriage with our gibberish today.

Manchester City 2-1 Villarreal

These Argentinian (or Argentine? Correct us, Kickettes. We haven’t been challenged in 24 hours and are probably due) boys are seriously into their close shaves lately, no? Image: REUTERS/Phil Noble.


Napoli 1-1 Bayern Munich

While some advantage was gained by switching off gravity in the Stadio San Paolo, the extra weight of objects proved to be a burden, overall. Image: ROBERTO SALOMONE/AFP/Getty Images.


SC Otelul Galati 0-2 Manchester United

Yay! The Hot Robot is back on the field in a Champions League match. What’s that? Oh. Well, it was brief but meaningful for us too, Nemanja. Image: REUTERS/Radu Sigheti.


Lille 0-1 Inter Milan

We don’t claim to be experts in body language, but our interpretation of this photo is that Inter Milan boss Claudio Ranieri is feeling the weight of his predecessor’s legacy around now. Image: AP Photo/Michel Spingler.


Yep. We’re still thinking about Iker. Are you? Did anyone actually get this far into the post?

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55 Responses to “Champions League Results: Totally Pants”

  1. Achat says:

    Captain Tsubasa

  2. Ottawa says:

    Iker is a good reflex-goalkeeper, and he's about only 5'10. That's smaller than the average goalie. Though it's not short, it can go against him in penalty kicks if the kicker shoots high and wide. I truly admire this genius who he became the youngest ever goalkeeper to play in a Champions League final when Real Madrid defeated Valencia 3–0. Fans have made customised sweatshirts and jersey for him, truly a talent.

  3. die steel says:

    Good stuff as per usual, thanks. I do hope this kind of thing gets more exposure.

  4. [...] photographers at this week’s round of Champions League fixtures are not on our payroll. We feel the need to mention this today, for some [...]

  5. Sasha says:

    What about Arsenal????

  6. locoporelfutbol says:

    Technically, if gravity were switched off, objects would weigh a lot lesser, not extra :)

    Madrid was on fire! Yay!

  7. bri_saldana says:

    me three,,,four…and five!!!

  8. Agnes Wonka says:

    RM are doing a great job in CL! hope to see pics like that one from Iker more often, from other players as well…

  9. Kira says:

    Oh how I love özil! You should do more on him kickette!

  10. Kristina says:

    For me, it was an awful night. OL, with Swedish hero Kim Källström, lost to RM and Man C got that stinking late goal. Sad, SAD, face for Marchena! Sorry Madridistas and Man C supporters out there, no offense.

    I watched the RM vs OL game while running on a treadmill (yes, I run whenever I can), and It was like I was right out there, on the pitch, running with the OL players. When Özil (damn you cutie!) scored that third goal I could´t do it no more, I stopped running and started watching the Man C – Villareal game. I don't know with was the most painful.

    But of course, congrats to RM. They totally deserved it.

  11. Lily says:

    KICKETTE you forgot to post Real Madrid 4 – 0 AJAX!!!!!!!!

  12. xoWinnie says:

    fvcken man city…if they win the league or the CL i'll shoot my left toe off.

    • Kristina says:

      Me too.

    • IrishBlue says:

      And I'll do my right one. They just can't, I don't think I could bear it.

    • memeandfootball says:

      cant u guys focus on your own teams instead of Man city (freakin lovee them), what?are u not confidence on your teams ability or what is the problem?

      PS. If manchester city wins the PL or the Cl i will PARTEYY!!!!! haha

      But seriousley i dont know why people are mad for nothing!!! We are like any other clubs so stop it.

      • Kristina says:

        I'm a cule and believe me, I'm confident with my teams ability :) .I like a lot of teams and I dislike a lot of teams. Hence I have a lot of opinions. And this is the place to vent them.

      • xoWinnie says:

        lol why do you care so much what I think? football is about rivalries, and i hate Manchester City.
        i don't even give a damn about Balotelli, i just hate that team–I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!
        i'll shout it to the heavens. I HATE MANCHESTER CITY! my epl teams are struggling
        and they're breezing through shit so why wouldn't i be mad?
        i'd be hating on anyone else, but man sh1ttay happens to be on top right now
        you should actually be flattered by the hate!

        • memeandfootball says:

          eerr thats weird because i didnt see you here before city was not on top bitching about united soo..
          hey but goodluck, hope your crapy team gets relegated..
          BUT BUT its just rivalries:)

          • xoWinnie says:

            lol really? i've been on this site for TWO YEARS bitching about United.
            and Tottenham…AND Manchester CIty, and this was BEFORE they were any good.
            so ya might wanna check yer facts!

            it's also funny that id didn't see YOU here kissing ass before they were on top so i guess is works both ways huh?

            anyhoo, i very much doubt Chelsea will get relegated. in fact, their probably beat your ass out in the end anyway. Arsenal is another story right now but they'll get back. speaking of crappy teams, City has yet to prove themselves so i wouldn't be talking shit. it's early in the season for that, doll.

            • memeandfootball says:

              am not that desperat like you are coming hear everytime to bitch if they loss or win. Im there front of the tv watching them every match from them losing in derbys to beating chealseas ass twice in one season…

              Now we are even better than then. lets wait to whos aaaeessss is going to beaten.

              Chealsea is after city the ones i want to win the PL. they are my second favorit actually. its a shame but it is what it is…

      • mata says:

        Yippee, so glad there are other ManCity kickettes out there loving my favourite team! I'm drinking a bottle of champagne if they win EPL and four if they don't!

        Love Mancini (class act) love Balotelli (quirky taste in men) and love everything about David Silva.

    • Agnes Wonka says:

      I don't like the team too, but I support United, that's why. Are you a red devil?

      • xoWinnie says:

        lol hell no! i just don't like 'em!
        i don't like the way they go about pursuing players,
        i don't like their sudden arrogance,
        i don't like their fans
        i don't like the way they play ( they're stacked full of cheaters)
        baby blue is an ugly and unflattering pastel….
        lol i can go on for days!

        the only thing i like about that team is Joe Hart!
        the day he leaves will be my new holy day!

        • memeandfootball says:

          ignorant ass person, who paid 50 mil for one player??? every motherfucking club wants good quality player and before we didnt have them sooo we bought because we got the dough and NOW when we have players that play as good as united, arsenal(before) chealsea liverpool and u guys feel threatened u want to start shit. this is for all city haters DEAL WITH IT!!!!

          we dont pursue player they see we have ambitions and they sign for us. if they dont want to play for us they wouldnt then TEVES MADE IT CLEARRRR.DAAAA

          SUDDEN ARROGANCE you people thought that Andreas villas boas was a savior sent from the man upstairs, then you flopped and noww weee are arrogant because our team is looking better and is in the top of the league, well then am the most arrogant motherfucker in this bitch hahaha cityyyyy

          • April says:

            It should probably be said that Fernando Torres wanted out… and Chelsea bought him for the price tag without getting a discount, but Man City was after him the summer before, too.

            Some people just dislike some teams… I loathe United but I am not sure I could give you that many quality reasons why. I just do. However, xoWinnie has some recent reason to hate ManCity… you know, being that they threw wads of cash in front of one of Arsenal's best and scooped him up. That alone is reason enough for her to not want them to win the league or CL.

        • memeandfootball says:

          who is a cheater have we eveeeerrrr gone down in the penalty area bithing when nobody touched us??? how are we cheaters then? get your facts right befor coming here all stuckup like you have angels in your team.
          City always works hard thats it.
          this is a disgrase a fucking disgrace*drogba voice*

          • xoWinnie says:

            i tried to read that, i really did, but then i realized that your inability to formulate complete sentences made it impossible. so i'll address what i could decipher. i didn't even mention that Sh1ttybought their so-called talented team without developing players, but you pretty much just admitted that so i don't have to. Chelsea paid 50 million for one player…so? not every club does that fyi. in fact, i doubt MOST clubs do, so your argument–invalid. in your previous post you praise Chelsea and then try to tear them down two breaths later? LOL how dumb do you have to be do that? and i'm not stuck up, i'm proud of my teams, which i think everyone who writes on here also. you're the last one who should be calling someone ignorant seeing as how you can't even construct a grade two level sentence or write a 50 word paragraph without contradicting yourself.

            • memeandfootball says:

              wtf are u going on about eating your own word now.

              so called talentless players are aguero dzecko silva on and on and on…..
              i praiesed chealsea before i saw your ignorant ass comment.

              excuse my bad english then i dont speak english or write in english in normal cases.

              David Silva player of the month in PL, TALENTLESS dont think so…
              your facts are a disgrace a fucking disgraceee!!'drogba voise again* hahaha

              • xoWinnie says:

                i never said anyone was talentless! learn how to read! i basically said they bought them all and then threw 'em on the pitch under a crest none of them are loyal to, which you pretty much stated all on your own lol, way to go. they're not even close to having a decimetre of the team spirit teams like Arsenal, Chelsea, United, Liverpool, Everton, Wolves or any other English clubs do. btw, it makes no sense to call someone ignorant when all you have to go on that statement is nothing but your own lack of comprehension skills. the way you were so quick to diss Chelsea just makes you look like a fickle idiot, like most of these newly emerging City fans that seem to be coming out of the woodwork. please stop now, you're making even the most delusional Sh1tty fans look sane.

        • Agnes Wonka says:

          I didn't like when Tevez started playing there, I felt betraition!

  13. elsebethynwa says:

    I watched the Bayern- Napoli match last night, Wow that Napoli team is sexy!

  14. J85 says:

    where is the FRONT of that iker photo? that's what I want to know.

    • Kat22 says:

      Oh yessss….that's a good question! ;-)

    • chay says:

      omg, as if the backside is anything to complain about! :-)

      love his tighty whities! Give me na iker view from the front, back, side, bottom, top, whatever! Be still my beating heart (and lusty loins)

    • bri_saldana says:

      J85 this is how they keep us feenin'….

  15. Gladys says:

    Love that picture of Kun, but feel just terrible for Villareal. I was really hoping they'd at least tie. Boy did they draw the tough group. (wish they still had Santi :( …)

    And as for today…fingers crossed for Barca, Valencia, Chelsea, and Shakhtar…but perhaps especially for APOEL (hope they stay at the top of their group).

  16. lone says:

    Photos Mario Gomez ?

  17. Murph says:

    "These Argentinian (or Argentine? Correct us, Kickettes. We haven’t been challenged in 24 hours and are probably due) boys are seriously into their close shaves lately, no?"

    All the Argentinians I know dislike the use of "Argentine." Something about it being colonial?

    And yes, they do like close shaves, especially when they can get their hands on our legs.

  18. Sarah, Madrid says:

    I love him Iker! who else would has the enough confidence to strip infront of his fan, the banana is pealed and is looking deliciousssss!!! YUMMMY!!

    Real Madrid " Como no te voy a querer "..as simple as that!!, full mark 9 out of 9


  19. Kat22 says:

    Oh my…nice photo! :-D

    I do wish those moron 'supporters' (using the term very loosely) would stop throwing rubbish onto the pitch! Can't they see their antics are tarnishing their club's reputation? Ban them all I say!

    Well done to Man City though. Literally at the last minute. Did feel sorry for Carlos Marchena though.