February 16th, 2012
Champions League Results: Ugly, Pretty & What Lies Between
Image: REUTERS/Stefano Rellandini.
We’re at the business end of the Champions League now, Kickettes. For some, this is an opportunity to continue what looks to be an irresistible march towards Munich, while for others (namely a certain North London outfit), it was a brutal exposure of the frailties they’ve been struggling to overcome all season.
Look away now, Gunners fans. Unlike Kevin-Prince Boateng (or his WAG, fellas?), it’s not a pretty sight.
Yoann Gourcuff. Exposed in the midfield. In a good way, obviously. Image: PHILIPPE DESMAZES/AFP/Getty Images.
Apoel Nicosia are the first Cypriot side to reach this stage of the Champions League, like evah, so they’ll be pleased to have kept Lyon within nipping distance for the second leg. This says more about Lyon’s failure to make the most of their opportunities in front of goal that Apoel’s abilities though – they had an amazing 64% of overall possession and eighteen goal attempts to one.
Other stats emerging from last night’s match: Yoann Gourcuff’s inner thigh measurements, which were estimated to be in the region of 15 inches. Do with that what you will, Kickettes.
Stefan Kießling, flattened in the rush towards Leo Messi, apparently. Images: PATRIK STOLLARZ/AFP/Getty Images, Joern Pollex/Bongarts/Getty Images.
Over-enthusiasm to acquire a used football shirt is something we’re quite familiar with here at Kickette HQ, so unlike their boss Rudi Völler, we’re going to offer props to Leverkusen’s Michael Kadlec and Manuel Friedrich. The battle to acquire Leo Messi’s jersey after their defeat was apparently so unseemly, Völler says he’s going to make them auction the garment off.
Michael Ballack attended the game in a black leather jacket, you should know. He looked finger-licking gooooood.
Tomas Hubocan and his buns. We’ll take a truck load, please. Image: KIRILL KUDRYAVTSEV/AFP/Getty Images.
We’re not going to lie, we haven’t got a clue what happened in this game, except that it finished 3-2. You probably worked that out for yourselves though.
Just remember, fewer words from us means more photos of semi-nude footballers for you.
Fairytale endings are so much more fun to report on than reality. Which is why watching Arsenal suffer a good old thumping at the hands of AC Milan at the San Siro last night was so awful – even for the neutral.
The writing was on the wall before Thierry Henry stepped onto the pitch for what was almost certainly his last ever appearance in an Arsenal shirt – they were already 2-0 down when the NY Red Bulls striker replaced Theo Walcott – but it still would’ve been super cool for him to sign off with a consolation goal or five.
Sadly, Milan weren’t in the mood for fairytales and scooped two more before the final whistle, giving themselves one hell of a cushion to take to the Emirates. Arsene thinks it’s done and dusted, but Ibra reckons it could have been more.
That boy is never happy unless he’s booting someone, is he?
Is the surly Swede entitled to demand the best from his colleagues after a performance like that? Feel free to riff on that and other matters related (and not quite so related) to football, Kickettes.
The floor is yours.