We're still too emo to LOL but... this sure came close to breaking the Beckspression we're under. 
Call it a coincidence or call it fate – US Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday… just in time for a thigh-off. How thightastic!
FYI, some of us at Kickette HQ are weirdly obsessed with seeing John Terry and Carlos Bocanegra dressed as pilgrims. But let’s leave our freaky fantasy lives out of this.
To our loyal Kickettes around the world, don’t fret about missing this holiday date*. We all have thighs to be thankful for regardless of whether or not one partakes in the food-coma-inducing fiesta del face-stuffing. And as we all know, thighs are truly an appropriate and appreciated treat for every day of the year.
So throw on your best Marchesa feathers or Fendi buckle belts and cleanse your palettes, it’s turkey time! (Well, it will be tomorrow, but we’re doing this a day early as we’ve been informed of the mass exodus that occurs on the official date.)
Note: Don’t expect us to teach you how to brine a bird. We’re only here to offer our expert man-eating advice on which cuts of thigh are worthy of your Tiffany’s flatware.
Okay, let’s get to it: how do you like your holiday thigh meat? Have a browse through just a few of these delicious options and let us know your choice.
Light meat
The healthiest choice by far, please do enjoy a few pieces courtesy of Robbie Keane and Paul Scholes. For us, light meat can border on the dry side, so be wary of under-cooking. Be vigilant and give this type of meat your full concentration. Oh, a little vitamin D from your oven can go a long way for Fern and Frings, too.
Dark meat
Dark meat is stored in turkey’s thighs. This is to ensure they have the strength and ability to keep missing the barn door all day long until someone gives them an assist.
In the case of footballers, their thigh meat gives them the energy to keep it movin’ all match long. As such, we’re extremely grateful that men like Kenwyne Jones and David Ngog have been blessed with a similar genetic composition. In Kenwyne’s case, we would so enjoy seeing him walk, hop, skip or simply run his arse straight onto our plates. Gravy, please!
Thinly sliced
Normally we don’t advocate skimping on your protein at dinnertime, unless you’ve decided in favour of a liquid (alcoholic) dinner… but Luca Toni’s thinly sliced meat is almost worth skipping the mulled wine for.
Thick and juicy
Cultivated and aged to perfection, Fabio, Javier and a slew of other mouth-watering pieces have enough layers to feed the entire the Kickette soldier-girl army with no added effort on our parts. ‘Tis the season of giving and thanking and giving and so on.
Deep-fried
Deep frying a turkey may sound like a strange concept, but trust us, it’s delicious and not at all greasy. You’ll need a high smoke point, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic certainly qualifies for raising temperatures to glistening point. (Yes, that’s right, Kickettes don’t sweat – we glow. Even while chowing down on drumsticks.)
That said, a fire extinguisher on standy-by is always a good idea. And possibly a hair net to stop the oilies.
Moist
Let’s revisit a classic from Euro 2008 to demonstrate this option: Volkan Demirel. So, it’s been said the key to a moist bird is soaking it for a few hours. We couldn’t agree more. Moist and tasty, the best route to a golden guy is by basting. We prefer butter; Cristiano Ronaldo prefers suntan oil. Either way, wear an apron because this could get messy.
Tender
Fresh meat is the way to go for added flavor and tender thighs. Sprinkle light and fluffy salt over barely-touched Bojan. Let him sit out and repeat before roasting to adulthood.
With all the fixings
When we feast, we go all out. Kinda like Sergio whilst shopping. And, we have to admit that his workhorse glutes are synonymous with flair: gravy, cranberry leg wax, stuffing, green veggie jeans, pasta, and a Louis manbag. None of it is homemade of course, but the more Stovetop, Bisto and DSquared crap loaded on, the merrier!
Smoked
Breaking away from tradition, dining on smoked turkey is definitely an acquired taste. Pink/neutral in color and smooth in texture, Frankie’s mesquite, toned and smoldering legs will bring you back for seconds and perhaps even thirds.
Warmed up
Sure, by day 15+ of creative turkey menu options, you’re suicidal. But nothing beats a nicely warmed up plate of day-afters. They’re still fresh, but have had 24 hours to soak up a little extra flavour. Jozy’s are a prime example of why thighs for breakfast is a recommended start to any growing girl’s day.
Leftovers
When the day is done but you’ve got food to spare, why not get creative and make some additional dishes? No, we don’t have any recipes at the moment but we’ll let you know if we are able to uncover what John Terry’s secret is to perfecting turkey sausage.
Hope you enjoyed the menu – have a great holiday!
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*Canadian Kickettes, we’re sure you have room for more turkey even though you’ve already celebrated?
God, this really made my day (and maybe week too)…
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Bwahaha! FANTASTIC post, Kickette! Love it!!