November 25th, 2009
Chew On This: The Thanksgiving Thigh Off
Call it a coincidence or call it fate – US Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday… just in time for a thigh-off. How thightastic!
FYI, some of us at Kickette HQ are weirdly obsessed with seeing John Terry and Carlos Bocanegra dressed as pilgrims. But let’s leave our freaky fantasy lives out of this.
To our loyal Kickettes around the world, don’t fret about missing this holiday date*. We all have thighs to be thankful for regardless of whether or not one partakes in the food-coma-inducing fiesta del face-stuffing. And as we all know, thighs are truly an appropriate and appreciated treat for every day of the year.
So throw on your best Marchesa feathers or Fendi buckle belts and cleanse your palettes, it’s turkey time! (Well, it will be tomorrow, but we’re doing this a day early as we’ve been informed of the mass exodus that occurs on the official date.)
Note: Don’t expect us to teach you how to brine a bird. We’re only here to offer our expert man-eating advice on which cuts of thigh are worthy of your Tiffany’s flatware.
Okay, let’s get to it: how do you like your holiday thigh meat? Have a browse through just a few of these delicious options and let us know your choice.
Light meat
The healthiest choice by far, please do enjoy a few pieces courtesy of Robbie Keane and Paul Scholes. For us, light meat can border on the dry side, so be wary of under-cooking. Be vigilant and give this type of meat your full concentration. Oh, a little vitamin D from your oven can go a long way for Fern and Frings, too.
Dark meat
Dark meat is stored in turkey’s thighs. This is to ensure they have the strength and ability to keep missing the barn door all day long until someone gives them an assist.
In the case of footballers, their thigh meat gives them the energy to keep it movin’ all match long. As such, we’re extremely grateful that men like Kenwyne Jones and David Ngog have been blessed with a similar genetic composition. In Kenwyne’s case, we would so enjoy seeing him walk, hop, skip or simply run his arse straight onto our plates. Gravy, please!
Thinly sliced
Normally we don’t advocate skimping on your protein at dinnertime, unless you’ve decided in favour of a liquid (alcoholic) dinner… but Luca Toni’s thinly sliced meat is almost worth skipping the mulled wine for.
Thick and juicy
Cultivated and aged to perfection, Fabio, Javier and a slew of other mouth-watering pieces have enough layers to feed the entire the Kickette soldier-girl army with no added effort on our parts. ‘Tis the season of giving and thanking and giving and so on.
Deep-fried
Deep frying a turkey may sound like a strange concept, but trust us, it’s delicious and not at all greasy. You’ll need a high smoke point, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic certainly qualifies for raising temperatures to glistening point. (Yes, that’s right, Kickettes don’t sweat – we glow. Even while chowing down on drumsticks.)
That said, a fire extinguisher on standy-by is always a good idea. And possibly a hair net to stop the oilies.
Moist
Let’s revisit a classic from Euro 2008 to demonstrate this option: Volkan Demirel. So, it’s been said the key to a moist bird is soaking it for a few hours. We couldn’t agree more. Moist and tasty, the best route to a golden guy is by basting. We prefer butter; Cristiano Ronaldo prefers suntan oil. Either way, wear an apron because this could get messy.
Tender
Fresh meat is the way to go for added flavor and tender thighs. Sprinkle light and fluffy salt over barely-touched Bojan. Let him sit out and repeat before roasting to adulthood.
With all the fixings
When we feast, we go all out. Kinda like Sergio whilst shopping. And, we have to admit that his workhorse glutes are synonymous with flair: gravy, cranberry leg wax, stuffing, green veggie jeans, pasta, and a Louis manbag. None of it is homemade of course, but the more Stovetop, Bisto and DSquared crap loaded on, the merrier!
Smoked
Breaking away from tradition, dining on smoked turkey is definitely an acquired taste. Pink/neutral in color and smooth in texture, Frankie’s mesquite, toned and smoldering legs will bring you back for seconds and perhaps even thirds.
Warmed up
Sure, by day 15+ of creative turkey menu options, you’re suicidal. But nothing beats a nicely warmed up plate of day-afters. They’re still fresh, but have had 24 hours to soak up a little extra flavour. Jozy’s are a prime example of why thighs for breakfast is a recommended start to any growing girl’s day.
Leftovers
When the day is done but you’ve got food to spare, why not get creative and make some additional dishes? No, we don’t have any recipes at the moment but we’ll let you know if we are able to uncover what John Terry’s secret is to perfecting turkey sausage.
Hope you enjoyed the menu – have a great holiday!
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*Canadian Kickettes, we’re sure you have room for more turkey even though you’ve already celebrated?
Hands. Down. The best thing I've read about Thanksgiving all year. Thank turkey for pilgrims (that look like Boca).
Bwahaha! FANTASTIC post, Kickette! Love it!!
hahah great post!
Fantastic post, Ms. Kickette!
Very well done. And yes, Canadian gals always have room for more!
ROFLMAO, "Turkristiano" is wearing Armani briefs, hahahaha
Thank YOU Kickette!
mmmm….
Amazing… This is why I love this website.
Yes I too wanna see Bocanegra dressed as a pilgrim.
Brilliant post, Kickette…absolute riot….anyway, i'll help myself to some light meat Torres, dark meat Kenwyne and fresh meat Bojan…yummmmm!!!
Oh I’ll have some Nando, Ibra, Bojan and Ramos thank you
God, this really made my day (and maybe week too)…
That pic of Lampard always makes me very very hungry for some reason. And I'm vegan!
Also, moist thighs = utterly drool worthy!
BEST. POST. EVER.
Smoked turkey is beyond belief moist, fine-grained, delicious, beautiful on the plate, and goes with everything, in particular with turkey sausage. My mouth is watering with anticipation. Here, waiter!
BEST TTO EVER!!!!! i’m have a bit of everything (i’m american
)
I LOVE YOU GIRLS!
You've made my week!
Yum yum yum yum yum! I think I'd best be off hitting the gym after all that meat! Especially the sausage at the end.. Woooah!
Thanksgirls.
heheh i almost got scared for a moment. glad thats over. i thought the last pic was for the trinidadian guy all of them are hella ugly (i am trini btw) jones is also ugly sorry but i must say it!!!!!! but on to business as always i’d have a helping of torres followed by some ramos. no changes threre. even tho i don’t like c.ron how come he’s nowhere but on a turkey?? strange o.O
Yummy! thanks Kickette
By far this is the best article I’ve read in ages! Loved it!!!!! And the pictures too obviously!
I AM NOT American, but I really think that THIS IS FREAKINS AWSOME!
dies, title pic is just brilliant
Totally agree!
The Sergio pic made my whole week!
Best. Thanksgiving. Ever.
I’ll have some JT, Lamps, Nando, Bojan, and Ibra please. And I’m vegetarian.
Ooo Segio!!!
ill have a slice of ramos with extra gravy please
I think I fell over laughing. Absolute brilliance. This has been my favorite post ever. Seriously.
God… this is the prefect TG day menu… I would take one of everything
NEVER thought I'd see the day that Paul Scholes would be in the thigh-off.
Yes, the Ginger Prince is very pale, but we love him. Thank you, Kickette. By the way, it was his 35th birthday last week.
As for the rest, I do enjoy Kenwyne very much, and Volkan is lovely too.
Turkey sausage? Looove it!! So delightfully dirty! I laughed for ages…
Oh please do give me extra helpings of the smoked turkey with a side of turkey sausage.
Very funny post, Kickette! And no surprise to you, I'm sure, that I'll just go straight for the turkey sausage ANY day! lol Mmmm. But I do also really like smoked turkey, too….
Thanks for the 'happy hugging John and Frank pic', too. That right there is enough to be thankful for.
Where's Cristiano?
Hey! Where is Cristiano, Kickette??
ronnie is under the moist section, and the menu is delicious (even though we don't have thanksgiving here in england
I'm reading this in public, at a hotel business center, and I think my jaw literally dropped. Ha.
i’m reading this post again in school!
Normally, I don't like turkey but for once I think that I will try it, several times,too bad thanksgiving does not exist in France
Besides, this day is extraordinary: a pic of a Marseilles' player (the one above the Ramos, Benoît Cheyrou, not enough of his thighs though)
Thanksgiving thighs-off + Champions league tonight = I love Wednesdays!
US Thanksgiving falls on Thursday every year.
I was going to say the same thing
Black Friday sales has some of us in an early tizzy. Thx for the reminder.