August 18th, 2010
Cirque Du Malaise: Front Row Seats At The French Circus – UPDATED
UPDATED – Nicolas Anelka’s response to the news that he has been suspended from the French NT for 18 (!) matches:
“The so-called punishment has no relevance whatsoever because, for me, the French national team was an issue which ended on June 19 when I was kicked out of the training centre at Knysna.”
“This is just to entertain the public, to turn the page because Laurent Blanc needs to be able to work in peace.”
“These people are clowns. I am dying with laughter.”
Yup. Think we mentioned this at the time. But thanks for confirming it, Nic. A smug Kickette office is a happy Kickette office, after all.
Come one, come all to the greatest show on earth!
The French NT circus is rolling into our town and it’s nearly sold out. You needn’t worry about purchasing tickets, Kickettes, as we’ve scored our loyal readers prime viewing real estate at this World Cup’s most exciting show.
Please note: admission to the circus is 30 minutes before performance start times. Additionally, the circus guest shop is open beforehand and during intermission – selling adult refreshments and mascara tubes as souvenirs.
The big top will be heated as required and you may get wet or foamed during performances. That’s an advisory, not a guarantee.
Front and centre – or on the bench - Evra commands the spotlight. He was also one-half of Sunday’s training ground bust-up and made the executive decision for the entire team to skip practise in protest to the French federation’s handling of the Anelka-Domenech situ.
We proudly claim ownership of our newly discovered hottie but really, we just want to see him in a leotard.
3. Raymond Domenech the “Clown”: in a strange and somewhat comical series of events, the man who agreed with the FFF’s choice to remove Anelka had to read the players’ statement of dissent to the world’s media. Lest we forget, he was first the butt of jokes in 2008 when he proposed to his partner, Estelle Denis, on live telly just moments after his side crashed out of the Euros.
All that’s needed to seal this manager’s fate is a water-squirting flower.
4. Nicholas Anelka as “The Magician”: his words have the power to be twisted and he does one helluva disappearing act.
5. Yoann Gourcuff is “The Ball Balancing Seal”: he was picked on while riding the bus, forced to eat lunch by himself and acknowledged his role as the team’s scapegoat.
Our Kickette front row seats do not permit Mean Girls or fugly boys; thus, we will keep Gourcuff safe and non-speaking as the cutesy water creature.
6. Franck Ribery, “The Lion”: looks aside, when you attack our pretty pet seal, you are turned into an animal yourself. One we don’t even have to photoshop.