April 14th, 2009
CL Preview: No Worries
Feeling nervy? Try not to worry too much about tonight’s games. Your team is going to be just fine.
Barcelona: Your keeper, Victor Valdes, is the hottest non-hair-having man around. Hold onto that. Keep it close to your heart and loins. You will thusly be rewarded.
Bayern Munich: Everyone loves an underdog. Especially one with floppy ears and a wagging tail like Luca Toni. Would the universe really allow puppy Luca to be sad?
Good luck to everyone tonight! We look forward to part two tomorrow.