July 14th, 2010

Crimes Against Beauty: Sky’s Serie A Advert

AC Milan’s Alexandre Pato. Apparently, there is a fine line between pretty and putrid. Images via ahh_serie_a

To vandalise something beautiful is a crime, people. And we abhor all crime here at Kickette. (Unless it involves the liberation of abandoned cocktails, in which case our Puritanism becomes a touch hazy.)

One thing is for certain, this discovery exposes the dark and sinister underbelly of the advertising world and the lengths some broadcasters will go to in order to sell their product. We feel it is our duty to alert you to these sickening acts. User discretion is advised.

These photographs (lead, left  & below) are evidence. They are stills from Sky TV’s new advertising campaign for their coverage of the new Serie A season in Italy. What you are seeing is a selection of wuvvley players and the crimes that have been committed against their beauty. Boils. Sticky out teeth. Fat suits. In the name of advertising. It’s like a nightmare.

All we stand for is under threat, Kickettes. Without the pretty, the abs, the deliciously tempting torsos, our lives are meaningless. To use a footballer’s beauty against him is a cruel and unusual punishment and aimed directly at those who worship at the temple of manflesh.

Why have they chosen to punish us in this way? Our vulnerability lies in our reputation. They know we are too lazy/hungover/disorganised to organise any kind of meaningful protest and so are free to commit one of the most heinous crimes we have ever seen.

Still. We feel we’ve made our point. We’re going for a lie down.

Nicola Legrottaglie from Juventus. Great to grott? See what we did there?

Chievo’s Sergio Pellissier. More hair, more fat & glasses. It’s that simple, people.

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31 Responses to “Crimes Against Beauty: Sky’s Serie A Advert”

  1. schoonied says:

    he looks like luis suarez abit.

  2. [...] CMメイキング動画もこちらからご覧いただけます。via » Crimes Against Beauty: Sky’s Serie A Advert [...]

  3. Mona says:

    They left Pato's hair alone. A professional actually took a step back and said to boyfriend, "ehhhhh, actually the hair naturally is scary so lets just dab some gel in there and move on…"

    Its called SUPERCuts Pato, SUPERCuts.

  4. izzy says:

    I dont get it? Am I completely daft?

  5. Six says:

    You mean he doesn’t normally look like that?

  6. anthea says:

    I find them rather original! Maybe not that funny but sky's trying to gather more buyers, so they invent all these sorts of things. Last year's ad was nicer, there were all the big sport names of Italy,ringing together at people's door.

    If I'm remembering well the year after WC 2006 the ads had NT players in them.

  7. cringee ! ;/

    pato looks like that nanny mcphee lass haha :L


  8. Faith says:

    OMG Just saw Pato and didn’t fully read at first – thought he caught a SKANK disease over vacay! giggles

  9. Molly says:

    OMG what the hell is wrong with Pato's face!? I am terrified!

  10. missd says:

    Argh, my eyes, eyes!!

  11. senora ramos says:

    omg. i don't even know what more to say.

  12. rslkdl says:

    What the-? This campaign is just wrong. It's not even funny. Boo. :(

  13. Dee says:

    It's a funny concept. That being said I think a more effective campaign would be of shirtless shots set to Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me. Or Zucchero. Or Limoncello…

    • LuvinBale says:

      I second that!!! Why do they not make campaigns geared toward women? We love live footy too! It's a crime against humanity!

      • Dee says:

        I know. Sports is getting to be a big market FOR both genders. Hell, Harlequin even has a NASCAR line of books. [Luckily not with the Lotto ball generating machine titles.]

        I'm a three sport girl myself…calcio [I'm American I know the s word is dirty in Europe], hockey and baseball. I've never been the casual oh he's cute type. My friends know this. My friends' husbands know this. Cops in the Bronx who thought I was just a Derek Jeter groupie know this.

        I'll get off my soapbox before I start raving like DDR.

        • Tashinka says:

          The "s" word? It was actually invented in Oxford, it's slang for "association football".

        • Lisa says:

          NASCAR books? wow when I think of NASCAR fans, literature is not what comes to mind first. Its true a lot of sports are now catering to both genders but what drew me to football (or the s word as Dee calls it) is that it was, for a while, an exclusively male domain. I hope they don't make football campaigns for us look like Chippendales (as much as I would appreciate it!) and start marketing to us as equals. Ads like this certainly go a long way no matter how creepy it looks.

          • Dee says:

            Well, I did know that it was short for association football, but I’ve been on blogs [run by man of course] where they make it sound like it’s a dirty word by those beer-guzzling Americans. [Hate beer...I truly love all forms of wine, including sangria.]

            While I’m not saying going for the Chippendale’s thing, though that would so make my day, I do like ads that make it universal. ESPN has always had some of the best that combine humor and originality. My favorite was when they aired the hockey games and had the marquee players of both teams do a kickass smoldering look. The guy fans took it as a sign of toughness and the female fans just ATE it up. Especially when the player was one of those sweetest guy on earth types. THUD is the worse.

  14. Catie says:

    FACT: I barely got half way through this post when my browser crashed. I blame the photos.

  15. Lisa says:

    whew! cannavaro isn't here. I couldn't bear to see him defiled like this.

  16. Ana;) says:

    Lmao! Things people will do for money!

    Shame on you sky! Now everyone who sees the ads will think Serie A is full of THIS!

    This is just cruel! Like Kickette said dont take away their beauty! lol