July 14th, 2010
Crimes Against Beauty: Sky’s Serie A Advert
AC Milan’s Alexandre Pato. Apparently, there is a fine line between pretty and putrid. Images via ahh_serie_a
To vandalise something beautiful is a crime, people. And we abhor all crime here at Kickette. (Unless it involves the liberation of abandoned cocktails, in which case our Puritanism becomes a touch hazy.)
One thing is for certain, this discovery exposes the dark and sinister underbelly of the advertising world and the lengths some broadcasters will go to in order to sell their product. We feel it is our duty to alert you to these sickening acts. User discretion is advised.
These photographs (lead, left & below) are evidence. They are stills from Sky TV’s new advertising campaign for their coverage of the new Serie A season in Italy. What you are seeing is a selection of wuvvley players and the crimes that have been committed against their beauty. Boils. Sticky out teeth. Fat suits. In the name of advertising. It’s like a nightmare.
All we stand for is under threat, Kickettes. Without the pretty, the abs, the deliciously tempting torsos, our lives are meaningless. To use a footballer’s beauty against him is a cruel and unusual punishment and aimed directly at those who worship at the temple of manflesh.
Why have they chosen to punish us in this way? Our vulnerability lies in our reputation. They know we are too lazy/hungover/disorganised to organise any kind of meaningful protest and so are free to commit one of the most heinous crimes we have ever seen.
Still. We feel we’ve made our point. We’re going for a lie down.