April 14th, 2010

Cristiano Ronaldo: Big Girls Do It Better

This is the most random collection of fantastic – and possibly fictional – things you will ever read about Cristiano Ronaldo’s bedroom behaviour. Warning. This is a tad PG-13. And it’s not our English translation, we promise you.

The story: 21 year-old Malaga native, Naya, was paid 4,000 euros by a Spanish media outlet to bed the Real Madrid man and (hopefully) live to tell about it.

The scene: Naya and Ronaldo hooked up at a hotel after his team’s match against Villareal on February 21. She claims multiple sexual situations since then; we don’t have “stupid” scrawled across our foreheads.

The clincher: In such a wonderfully offensive fashion, CR9 allegedly revealed to Naya why he prefers fuller-figured partners, by saying:

“Fat girls suck it very well.”

For once in our lives, we are speechless. And now, the lead photo makes much more sense.

There are other deets that have left us equally puzzled, to say the least.  Such as Ron’s Dolce & Gabbana sneakers which double as condom carriers. Or, when Naya alluded to how they ‘did it’ 3 times (‘ that night, he scored three goals‘) even though his shoes were only stocked for two rounds.

So…yea…those thoughts and/or images running through your mind right now? We had that exact same reaction upon learning that last bit, too. Same goes for Giorgio Armani.

However, we suggest you take Naya’s confession with a handful of salt following three consecutive Tequila shots. Mainly because she did not supply further ‘proof’ of said tryst, unlike the text messages someone else brazenly displayed on television sets across the country (on the same show, nonetheless).

Where we do believe Naya, however, is how she rated him in bed. The former World Player of the Year achieved high marks – a 9.5 out of 10 – from a…how shall we say it… woman of loose panties. Momma D must be so proud, Crissy. (If you haven’t been keeping score, that’s significantly higher than WhatsHerFace gave him.)

And since this story has supplied countless entries into the 2010 Kickette Reader’s Choice Awards “Biggest LOL” category, we shall leave you with Naya’s eloquent food metaphor:

“If his [you know what] was a pizza, it would be a family size pizza”

For our digestive purposes, are we talking pizza with mozzarella? Parmesan? The cheese is obviously the best part so this critical detail would be a meal make or break for us.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

111 Responses to “Cristiano Ronaldo: Big Girls Do It Better”

  1. AP says:

    She's fat because she has a double chin!!!

  2. MissusVilla says:

    Yeah she's ugly, we can see that, but she's not fat! At all! Ron's taken it to another level now.

  3. Goonster says:

    How the hell is she fat? Ugly? Yes, but fat?

  4. cr9girl ♥ says:

    ooooh i don’t care what that dump bitch says!!!!!!!!!and she’s soooo friggin ugly and fat. i’m 100000 times sexier than her. I’M SURE IT’S ALL A BIG LIE. i will always luv c.ron whatever ppl say. ♥

  5. nestor burma says:

    I truly hope this isnt true.

    Its bad enough when a guy like Tiger who has more money than the planet itself settles for mediocre road beef but Crissy is known across the planet, has a body that would actually make most men envious and should be nail supermodels and above. He shouldnt even think about banging simple ordinary models and even less dogfaced prostitutes like this woofer.

    Please say it isnt so Ro.

    There are billions of men in the world look up to you and these glorious gifts that you were bestowed that can land you any skirt on the planet.

    Please dont disappoint them.

    Or just come out of the closet so you wont break all these men's hearts by wasting it all on meaningless meat.

    I dont know about sucking harder but fat chicks definitely compensate for the extra girth by trying extra hard.

    Fat chicks and strippers with daddy issues will do some of the filthiest stuff you will ever see.

    I guess Crissy knows this too.

    What a waste.

  6. sana says:

    Now CR have a new score Kim KARDASHIAN

  7. doli says:

    THIS CAN'T BE TRUE! RONALDO HOOKED UP WITH KIM KARDASHIAN.. according to a source, which we can safely assume is Kim herself!

  8. Sally says:

    WAIT WHAT! HE DIDN’T USE A CONDOM THE THIRD TIME??!!! FOOOLLL

  9. Inés says:

    It doesn't surprise me, that pizza comparison, coz fat girls are always thinking about food!

  10. cr9 lover says:

    This is beyond funny i’m pretty sure he was just being nice to her look at the girl. She’s but ugly

  11. Homeskillet17 says:

    LOL shame…crusty knows strange women (if he actually knows her that is) LOL!

    i also don’t think she’s fat though…

  12. [...] you haven’t heard the latest on Cristiano, read it here.  The gist of it:  a Spanish girl named Naya (“famous” previously for dating the fat [...]

    • doli says:

      Thanks for sharing. I’ve never been to Spain, nor have I lived there but i’m sure it’s just like the rest of the world with women willing to embarrass themselves to get attention.

      I’m hoping the part about his giant pizza size dick is true !

      How will she face him in court? I mean ladies and gentleman yes I slept with him!

      sad… please let us know when they actually do take it to court!

  13. rachaelv13 says:

    hahahahahaha….. I love it. “And all this?” “And that too?” Thank you, Kickette, for always bringing a smile to my face and reminding me that “fat girls suck it very well.” I just freaking love it.

  14. lorena_chanel says:

    I didn't watched the clip,when I posted my previous comment about this PIZZERIA situation-but does anyone beside me find her voice VERY IRRITATING!!?? Ohhh well…it's not like her voice is only problem this girl have :-D

  15. Inés says:

    Classy! Classy!!!!!!!!
    you Kickettes spend so much time critizicing Sara Carbonero, guys, this is a REAL B****!!!! Fatwhore!

  16. trista_jade says:

    All I can do after reading this is giggle. Seriously? Does she honestly think she is fooling anyone? Brilliant move there, hon. With all that proof you have, I'm sure his lawyers will go easy on you. ;)

    I almost wonder if she's related to whatsherface, because this is a very whatsherface-move; unclassy and completely crazy.

  17. kenita says:

    famewhore, but she has a point, he does like "not to thin girls" ( i dont think she's actually fat)

    mmm but then again she was on DEC LMAO!

  18. Susana says:

    So much of this story is unbelievable. Yes, he's had skanks in the past (including whatsherface), but this girl smells fishy…or maybe it's the anchovies on the pizza. For one, she's butt-ugly. If CR bagged her, he most assuredly bagged her face first.

    The pizza comment was the best, though. She could have said it was double stuffed-crust at least. How rude. If anything she should have compared it to a breadstick, not a pizza, unless CR is sportin' wedgy-shaped manmeat in his Armani whities.

    What kind of idiot goes on national tv to say that he picked you because you were fat…if he told me I was fat I would kick his meatballs into the next country.

    All of this is so ugly that I must call Yoann for a booty call to cheer me up.

  19. Ella says:

    I've said it before, I'll say it again: Unless there is evidence, I wouldn't believe any of these whores who are being paid to make up stories about CR9.

  20. Venice says:

    hahahaaha oh man, if there were ever two people that deserved each other more!

    But I don’t understand, this girl is fat? Really?

  21. JV says:

    After the Paris Hilton thing, no C-Ron hook up could surprise me. I used to wish he’d find a -sorry, a group of- girls who were at least marginally attractive. I guess he always has to be the pretty one…

  22. freddiegirl says:

    This makes me chuckle…but you know what? I like C-Ron and I have no problem with his hook-ups. He isn't married and he's doing what he should be doing at this stage in his life; enjoying the a** that gets thrown at him and concentrating on his football. He's not hurting anybody; he's got no wife or live-in WAG at home. He's got the rest of his life after football to be married. If anything, I have a lot more respect for him for keeping it real unlike Terry, Cole and all those other hypocritical tossers. As for the fat (I prefer the term 'thick') comment all I have to say is this; a well-known musician friend of mine echoed this to me once; he said he prefered 'curvier' partners because they actually enjoyed sex and were more fun in bed. He told me the gorgeous, uber skinny models he'd hooked up with were more for 'status' and 'bragging rights' and were always a lot of drama and upkeep. *shrugs*

    • trista_jade says:

      I completely agree about the hooking up. At least he isn’t cheating on someone while he is hooking up. With all the girls and skanks throwing themselves at him, can we honestly expect him NOT to hook up with any of them? So what if he is a man-whore? At least he isn’t being a twat like Terry and Cole.

    • caitanya says:

      Freddiegirl, i wholeheartedly agree with you. He is being young and doing what he should be doing: playing footy and shagging all the hot girls! I talked about this before in another post. I don’t understand the marrying the footballer off and knocking off the kids when all these other women are going to end up throwing themselves at the guys and causing them way too much temptation than is necessary.

      If i were a famous footballer, i would want to do it like CR is doing it, for sure. But it is scary to think if that girl is speaking the truth regarding the unprotected sex. If he’s doing that with a new girl every week … can we say cess pool for disease, Mr. CR? Not too wise, my fine fellow. Try and keep a hat on it!

  23. Sarah says:

    omg omg omg…what else is there to say??!?!

  24. Rosey says:

    LOLs. I didn’t even know about this until someone emailed it to me. Haha! As we all know… CRon has sex with anything (Whatsherfacebucktooth & that girl who looks like the pro wrestler Chyna) this would not surprise me one bit if it was true. He seems to pick girls with the lowest amount of self esteem or have none at all (whatsherface).

    If you look back most of the blabbing sluts said he was great in bed. Whatsherface the very first interview gave him an 11 out of 10 then switched (bittercoughcough) then went back to say he was good.

    I was actually surprised that he has been in Madrid this long and this is only the 2nd slut to come foward and say they slept together…I was thinking there would be at least 5 a month :-)

  25. Tereza/Brasil says:

    I knew it!!(that he has a big …)I wish i was her and eat a lot of LARGE PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!

    • doli says:

      maybe I'm slow, but I don't see the connection between wood and pizza!

      I mean is she suggesting that swallowing is bad for your health? haha I thought it was the only good protein!

      I honestly hope someone –credible– comes out and says it's not true!

      • doli says:

        from that picture, you can tell he's big! ooooo I have so much to fantasize about now…. I guess if his liquid smooth and chunky he's like cheese lol

  26. Kleon says:

    When i read about this kind of girls I feel so proud of my self =3
    seriusly being a a fame whore is the most pathetic thing ever

  27. Kleon says:

    So… I just heard on radio Cristiano telling that all that was told in that programme was a lie, and he is going let the whole thing to his lawyer… interesting XD bad played fame whore

  28. I normally don't approve of CR9 female preferences but this time I say: I'M NOT BUYING THIS STORY. She's just another fugly gold digger lke the ones appearing on Spanish TV every week, she's not even worth mentioning.

  29. beri says:

    there are no words! LMAO!

    My word…yet another gold digging slut! Well done CR seems that you’re at scoring hattricks in the bedroom!

    You know what I find the funniest? The fact that he referred to her as “Gordita” and she still went ahead and shagged him (not once, but thrice!) and then went on TV and admitted to him calling her that….Oh Goodness!

  30. doli says:

    Does she really think this is a wise decision? I mean being known as Cristiano's hoe? whatsherface already took that position!

    I seriously hope this isn't true! then again I hoped the story about him and the prostitutes with Nani and Anderson weren't true and there were apparantly pictures to prove me wrong; I've never seen them though.

    Cr you need to find a real woman, that's if she's willing to date you after all these hoes came forward!

  31. HannahBee says:

    I am completely speechless.

    This is disgusting and hilarious all at once.

    But guuuuurrrrl put your boobies away, you don't want people getting the wrong idea… oh wait nevermind.

  32. lorena_chanel says:

    I….I…I think that for the first time in my life I am speechless…Do you have parents!?Girl your mama IS SO PROUD of you right now,I can only imagine… …I don’t know which fact is sadder-the fact that she just said all those things on TV,or the fact that she thinks we are THAT stupid to belive in those disgusting lies!!! I am really pissed dear kickettes,but c’mon-many of you don’t like CR9( not me-I LOVE HIM!!!) but you have to be blind,or (I will even said) STUPID to belive in this media-crap!

  33. Emma says:

    Ugh this gives me the icks **shudders**

  34. It’s so sleazy, it’s hot. *blush*

  35. The Barcagirl says:

    Omg. Omg. Omg. i laughed so hard that my sister turned around and told me to behave like a grown up. what really makes me die of laughing is: he kept condoms in his shoes!!!!!???????????? i once read that you should keep them fresh and cool, but… i have a crazy thought and i want to share it. did he know he would meet her to have sex or was it just spontaneous after he meet her? when it was spontaneously, why did he have condoms with him????????

    is he always carrying some with him??????

    i could imagine a very funny scene in the RM dressing rooms. what if ronaldo would change shoes next to kaka and if one of his special emergency arming fell out, or he tried to sneak them in his trainers just in case…. * very dirty thoughts containing guti, ramos, iker(sry), and some others…*

    what would poor little ricky say. something like:

    kaka: but you told me you wouldn`t want sex before a marrige!!!!!!!

    Cr9: sry, that aren`t mine. somebody must have put them into my shoes. i bet these are my brother`s condoms!!!!! i swear i would never betray you!!!!!!!!! i really respect you`re special wishes. come on, trust me. what have i done wrong?

    Kaka( screams and crys): i`ve watched this for to long. you sweared to be faithful at the beginning of this season. then you betryed me with nearly all our teammates. don`t tell me that you were faithful!!!!!!!

    Cr9(desperately): Please forgive me!!!!!!! i really love you!!!! you`re the love of my life!!!!!!!!!! don`t leave me!!!!!!!! you`re everything i have!!!!!!! if you leave me i will only make own goals( dirty thought of the author of this drama: she told us he scored three times on her. now let him score own goals… ok, this a lot to dirty. thousend apologies!!)

    Kaka: it`s over now. i only belong to jesus. how will he ever forgive me that i didn`t resist you. you`re a devil`s temptation. leave me alone!!!!!!

    (pulls out a crux and trys to stab Cr9 with the crux) i´ll kill you, you animal of hell!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Iker and guti come in holding each others hand.

    Cr9: you betrayed me too. how dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • doli says:

      you've obviously spent way to much time thinking that up, but CR needs to clean up his act! Kaka might not be doing this well this season but atleast he has a great attitude!

      Sergio seems a little into himself but he's no where near CR's level!

      • The Barcagirl says:

        oh yes, i love it to make dirty plays about those RM players.lol. but you have to admit that i spent quite a lot of time writing it down. i´ll have to write a test tomorrow at school so i`m in a giggling mood with some insane/dirty thoughts. lol. i should publish it. something like: Dramas and lovestorys of RM. do you know a better name?

        • livv4footy says:

          The (sex/love?) Life and Times of Los Blancos ?
          just thinking :P

          • The Barcagirl says:

            great idea. or something like: you know they call them also the white ballett. so i would call this drama soap opera : ballett shoes/ ballett school

            • liv4footy says:

              Genius, BarcaGirl! i liiiike the ballet school best :P

              • The Barcagirl says:

                thx, i`ve just imagined a new scene: a daydream of ronaldo including those white ballett skirts ( you know. these withe things they always wear when they dance around.cr9 even wears purple ballett shoes..) or he dreams that somebody of the RM squad is wearing one of those skirts ( i would prefer guti or the ramos as ballett dancer) and doing stretching on a barre…. then we could change the stretching into a metaphor for pole dancing… ok i`ll stop here. if you`ve got some nasty genius or dirty ideas how this could go on and which dialogues i could assemble to this scene i would be grateful. thx!!!!!!!

                • livv4footy says:

                  i think we should start a thread or something to continue this….but for now,

                  i think that Sergio Ramos should defo be the prima ballerina ;)

                  and everyone else backup dances while Raul leads the class in style :D

                • The Barcagirl says:

                  i`ve decided that i will now post a drama scene of The ballettschool every weekend on ontd football. i`ve got a great idea for sunday. can`t wait to write it down. i love the raul as leaddancer idea!!!!!!!

                • livv4footy says:

                  kk, i’ll go to check it out.
                  maybe give some ideas ? looovvve making up fairytale things with players….
                  i think i may have a stange disorder :P

    • Ms.Podolski says:

      LOOOOOOOL…good drama

      • doli says:

        There have been rumors that there were interesting relationships in the locker room but idk

  36. doli says:

    I have no idea what you guys are talking about, she's not fat, but I LOVE WHAT YOU DID WITH THE PICTURES!

    "she had sex with this, that and that!" lol

    I now have a chance with Ron! All this time I have been doing pilates trying to get back to my size 6 but since he like thicker girls I have a chance!

    She looks like an 8, and so am I so I guess he'll prefer my body over thinner girls since I "suck it better".

    I can only imagine what Perez is saying! I mean I emailed you guys asking what was going on with CR because I haven't heard any news but this is just over the top! Are you serious!?! A news magazine paid this girl to stalk and fuck him!?! are you serious?

    Wonder if there's any history between her and Sergio?

    • Trisha (Mrs Iker Cas says:

      LOL…. That would depend on how and with what kind of woman ( fat or thin) Sergio prefers…. Maybe we should send her undercover again!!!! The slut will do it too! ;)

      • doli says:

        I mean what kind of daddy issues does one need to have to qualify as a potential mate for Cristiano Ronaldo?

        I don't want to believe this, because there is no evidence but at the same time he has such a long history with women that I can't.

        Someone needs to sit him down and dig his head out of his own ass before it's to late. Soon he will loose all his endorcement deals because companies won't want to associate themselves with an asshole.

        I have to admit, that I only started being a CR fan recently but I'm starting to go more towards Messi. As far as I know Messi has no dirty secrets, and he is a very humble player. I thought once CR moved to real madrid he would stop his shit but apparantly i was wrong!

        CR is extremely attractive, and I would love to marry him, but if he has this it's all about me attitude and continues to mess with loose women, I would have to take away my dream, and my status as a fan.

        I was born in the Caribbean, and have family ties to Portugal and France and hence support both in the World Cup but I might have to drop POR if Cr continues this behavior!

        When will he make a statement?

        • Trisha (Mrs Iker Casillas) says:

          I think sponsors have learnt their lesson with Tiger Woods. They backed out and regretted it later…. Cos now Tiger has more viewership that before… They wont do that to CR cos he’s single and mingling….
          But like you said, this might not even be true….

          • doli says:

            nike seems to be the only company hiring cheeters lol but he is going to loose fans if he continues this.

            I’m very suprised that a woman hasn’t come out with pictures of him naked or even a sex tape! And why hasn’t anyone say that their pregnant with his child?

            CR needs to clean up his act..

  37. margheritina says:

    Well, I dunno what to say … even more, I dunno what´s funnier the story itself or ur comments on it :D

    BTW, the story is good for my hips coz I´m sure I´ll never eat pizza again! But the comparison with a pizza is, let's say, something you need to get used to … what comes next? Weenie, frankfurter, large frankfurter???

  38. footbalista says:

    OMG ROFL AND SHOCKED ALL IN ONE…

    DAMN

    well written kickette ur remarks comments.. everything exactly what i was thinking and feeling! lollll

  39. Missy Manchester says:

    Comparing “it” to a…pizza???? Flat, round and saucy?? Gives whole new meaning to “Little Caesars”.

  40. shay says:

    Sounds like a pack of lies by an media-whore just looking for attention and a quick buck.

  41. Syrian! says:

    bahaha I am speechless :| ||

  42. liv says:

    I get help but laugh, but at the same time it’s sad!

  43. Jinx says:

    LOL. His problem isn’t shagging these girls, it’s stopping. That’s clearly when they decide to go to the media.

  44. Mel says:

    Her outfit is really unflattering. Calling her a high class prostitute might be pushing it to far, that would be a compliment…..

    Ronaldo was "set up" to sleep with her. Not the brightest spark of the bunch then. Perhaps they are equally easy/slutty……..

    She got money out of it, and he got laid. Win-win!

  45. Ms. Astute Observer says:

    ROFLMAO…that's all I can "say" about this "story"…

  46. Adri says:

    There are no words. I am actually, for the first time in a LOONG time (long…hehehe can't help but giggle after reading this article) speechless.

  47. MissB says:

    OMG is that thing really up!

  48. mahn says:

    its a shame how extreme people are willing to do for money. and seriously, she gets paid for sleeping with him?? when it should be the other way around!

  49. truly_thata says:

    after Pasta-sauce and now we will have Pizza?! *sigh*

    Soon we gonna have Real cafe…oh wait, they already have it!

  50. Merel says:

    Atleast dump the ciggie.

  51. aristeia says:

    I am dying w/ laughter. I don't care if this is true, false, partially true or just the tip of the iceberg… this is hilarious.

    Random sad thought: that girl is considered fat? :(

  52. Emily says:

    how pathetic… whether true or not… it's just stupid… what a whore…

  53. Aisha says:

    I really don't know what to say! She is a dirty slag, losing her dignity like that for money. But I still love my baby :)

  54. cutecurls says:

    So she's the fame whoring torch bearer after Michelle McGee, eh?

  55. Posh918 says:

    The Spanish media has got to be the dirties skakiest thing out there. And this girl is a prostitute. But that seems to be what our beloved C-Ron goes for.

  56. Kiki says:

    Hey girls!!! Kiki from Brasil! Sooo much since I don't write here!!! Guess you don't even remember me!!! LOL!! I come here evryday to read Kickette but how on earth could I not comment this?!

    Family size Pizza?! Guess I'll never look to a innocent slice o pizza on the same way! WTF happens to these girls?! The look up to fame and money so much that don't even realize how absolutely ridiculous they look while acting like that! What class … NOT! And 4000 euros?!

    It's great to be back girls! xoxo

    • Bria says:

      i’m 100% with you on this one…….and to make matters worse i was eating a slice of pizza when i came across this!!!!!…… : ( well if the skank is telling the truth (highly unlikely) i hope her mama is proud of her……. she could have her pizza and i’ll have my $5 foot long sub (Gourcuff yumm!!!)

  57. rhea says:

    I don't find cron particulary attractive (but extremly gifted in soccer nontheless) but that girl is ugly … and soo tacky check out what she's wearing …:o and sporting a lot of cleavage for day… TACKY TACKY TACKY

  58. Senorita Iniesta says:

    Wait.

    He called her "fat" and still she gives him 9.5 out of 10?

    His familiy pizza must be really impressive then …

  59. sounderslove says:

    uh…….right i'm just going to pretend i never saw this……..nightmares.

  60. KW says:

    Those are really unpleasant images in those quotes, ick!

    How long before one of the British rags uses this trick of paying some dumb girl to cop off with a famous person?

  61. Mrs.Roni says:

    ohh damn ıt! :@ Delete it plzz ! :@

  62. Deen says:

    At least no one is accusing him of being a liar…

  63. rocky-k says:

    Oh my word… I could not help but laugh at this!!

  64. Blair says:

    I'll tell you how. C-Ron obviously has little to no standards. I mean, look at the history. Not that difficult to figure out.

  65. Molly says:

    Oh wow shes a winner isn't she…*shakes head*

    • MrsNesta says:

      *shakes head also*

      4000 euros, well done to her, I bet her family are sooo proud!!

      • Molly says:

        Well you know MrsNesta this is what we wish for all of our daughters…is for them to make their money by telling magazines and newspapers graphic details about how they beded and gave oral sex to footballers…I bet her parents are jumping with joy :) *joking* :) !

        • Molly says:

          Wait…I think I read the story wrong….omg I am so disgusted. Did the spanish media outlet pay her to bed him?? Or did she get paid for telling her story??? Either way yuck!!! I bet she is going to move here to England…you know for JT and Ashley Cole LOL HAHAHHAHA :) .

      • Trisha (Mrs Iker Casillas) says:

        4000 Euro’s ….. she is really cheap…. I probably would have gotten more since im more well endowed than her !!! lol ;)

        And all this comparison with food…. its just going to put me off food…. uhhh, not really, maybe off pasta sauce but the next time i eat a pizza, guess what im going to be thinking!!! lol

        • MrsNesta says:

          Hahaha Trisha, yeh all these food comparisons we could do without lol, I haven't stopped eating pasta with a sauce but I wont be having carbonara sauce anytime soon :) and I bet you're gonna order pizza tonite?

        • Molly says:

          I agree about the food…everytime I eat pasta I think of PastaSauce LOL ewwww!! And to think of calling this girl Pizza, yuck!! I will probably start to think how Cristiano told her how bigger (to call someone fat is rude so I will not say that word) girls do certian things better and will not be able to eat pizza…I want throw up!! I really hope this girl doesn't get all kinds of attention because I feel that, that is why girls like this do these things is because they are attention seekers!!

          • Trisha (Mrs Iker Cas says:

            Molly dear, she compared CR's….. to a large pizza.So every time i eat pizza, im going to think of CR not her. lol. ;)

            And i looooovvvveeeee pizza!!! ;)

            • Molly says:

              Trisha, LOL yeah I got what you said after I re-read the article lol…I missed that part of the article the first time around lol :) . So just ignore my above comment about the pizza LOL :) .