March 26th, 2010
Cristiano Ronaldo: Still Hot, Now Featuring Especially Horrid Hair
We’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating: it seems like Cristiano Ronaldo’s hairdresser is out to get him.
Its been several days now since we’ve queried your views on what we have lovingly dubbed the ‘Shame – akh’. This crime against hair was serious enough for us to consider rescinding crush privileges but after a great deal of alcohol-infused discussions, we have decided that Marouane should not shoulder all of the blame. Not when Cristiano Ronaldo is wandering the streets.
The worry here is that most ‘ballers do not have the, ahem, assets to help us overlook the utterly unforgivable shambolic ‘do’s’ that Cristiano’s hairdresser regularly inflicts upon him. We’ve cast a critical eye over C-Ron’s more ‘notable’ coiffs and find ourselves wondering – can he be forgiven? The hair of a thousand future players could be at stake here. Your thoughts?
The Shame-akh Mk (lead photo):
The object of our grave and utter concern. This shiznit, which features short sides and full tail spray screams ‘crunchy chicken with a side of honey mustard’. While crispy Cristiano meat is always on the menu at Kickette HQ, we could do without having to fight the urge to grab a pair of scissors every time we clap eyes on the Wagtailed Wonder.
Suave Slickster: Utilizing a vat of pomade to set CR9’s naturally curly locks in place, this effort is a little ‘choir boy’ for our taste. Note: black earrings not included and nor would we ever recommend for guys recreating this look at home.
The Eurotrash rat-tail: We’ve covered this before. You know what we think. However, in our defence you will note that the original image and its companion feature nipple outlines. This renders Cristiano temporarily exempt from criticism. We’re going for a lie down now.
Short and sweet:The easiest cut by far, this classically clean option accentuates Ronaldo’s strong jaw-line and adorkable smile. Minimal manscaping is required for daily maintenance and is very popular with celebrities looking to hide their receding hairlines and baldspots.