August 15th, 2011

Cristiano Ronaldo: Style Commentary

It’s been a while since we have felt the need to critique Cristiano’s sartorial elegance. But we’re guessing he’s been so busy with his bubba and Irina over the summer break that he simply hasn’t had time to offend us with his trouser/shoe combos.

However, training has a now recommenced and a whole season of fashion fails awaits us. Here we offer our first (of many, if previous years have been anything to go by) frank assessment of his latest garb. Thoughts?

The Comb-Over: We’ve had concerns about your barnet for many a year, Cristiano. Through faux hawks, backsprays and little blond bits we just didn’t understand, we remained with you, but this greasy comb-over affair with shaved accents is just too much for us to bear. Would you mind stopping it, please?

The Ball Under Shirt: Yes, we get it. The ball-under-the-shirt is the only opportunity¬†you boys get to experience what it feels like to be a woman. That you’re prepared to go through this level of agony is clearly a testament to your caring side. But. That leather sphere completely impedes our ability to gawp at your abs, which, when you’re sporting that comb-over thing, is all we have. Please stop it.

The rolled up short leg: Are you a skateboarder, Cris? A¬†middle aged woman in the midst of an identity crisis? A playa? Or do you just favour your left thigh over your right and want to show it off at every opportunity? Whatever it is, it’s irritating us. Bloody stop it!

Kickettes, tell him!

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34 Responses to “Cristiano Ronaldo: Style Commentary”

  1. ILOVENANDO says:

    okay, if he wants women to be in love w him, he shouldnt wear clothes AND he should put a plastic bag on his face.

  2. JJK says:

    So now that nobody likes him or his looks, can you please leave his gf alone and let them in peace? Thanks.

  3. Ithastobegood says:

    he doesn't know what women like… or doesn't care it :(

  4. Rebeka says:

    aw, but I think his hair looks fine like that. Maybe he could lay off a bit of the grease or gel he is using lol but the part is cute :]

  5. realfan7 says:

    I don't care what he wears, how his hair is done…he is just ridiculously good looking!

  6. A to L says:

    He is carrying our child. I was the one who was supposed to get pregnant, so I don't know what the hell happened there. But Oh Well, with CR7 anything can happen.

  7. ChristinaLFP says:

    from all his hairs styles, i kike the comb- over the most.

  8. MrsLBaines says:

    This is as bad as Robbie Keane to LA Galaxy.

  9. Goran says:

    He's shorts is up on the left leg because there is a logo of adidas on that side of shorts.But,he is a nike model so he hide that.Sometimes in the games ,he also hide adidas logo on his socks…And,about a ball under the shirt,thats just training jokes with his teammates…

    • cisarovna says:

      Thank you for your logical response. Some people apparently feel the need to find controversy in everything.

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      oh! I wanted the know the awkward fashion choice with his socks up! Now it all make senses, thank you!

  10. sarah says:

    he needs to tone down the gel it's disgusting. like others have said he obviously is good looking, but then he does these things to himself to make him look far less attractive. whatever though he was never my cup of tea in the looks department/ me being shallow.

  11. Missy says:

    Cris, my love, you know I love you. Lord knows I've stuck with you through more things than most women would. The hair, my love we've had this talk before! The curls are lush and lovely, please let them be seen! The gel is doing you no favors. *sigh*

  12. Jackie O says:

    sad to say, I do not care actually at all. I love his idiotic fashion choices and his glorious bitchface and the fact is would set up a cozy, well-appointed home in his pre-distressed $1200 jeans and let him make tender, considerate love to me forever, through good hair and bad, booty shorts and little pink flowers. and kaka can make a sex with us after the wedding.

  13. Annie says:

    I'm really sorry but he looks like a Drug Queen…
    He should consider start acting like a real man and not care so much about his looks..

  14. AC_USA says:

    I loved Cris at one point(when he was still in Man U. ) but my heart just can't take this anymore. Man, you look like a woman! And a pregnant one in this pictre. What in the world???????? Get back to your old self so I can be in love with you again!! Pretty please ! :P

  15. xoWinnie says:

    that hair is like Clark Gable…gone wrong.

  16. Lilu says:

    He's still doable right now but I don't want to see what he's going to look like in 10 years.

  17. mamaly says:

    Cristiano Valentino ! He looks like a 1920 Hollywood Latin lover.

  18. Soccer says:

    I think i just peed in my pants.

  19. linvinnaar says:

    Couldn't even go past THAT hairstyle before I'm puking last night's dinner. Soz, Cristiano. BUT WHAT THE FUG ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF?!

  20. CharlieGooner says:

    Hahahahaha… Please don’t kill me ladies (Kickette HQ especially) but I quite like when his hair is combed the way it is in the pic… Its this cocky almost elegant look… I’m not big on Cris but I really like his hair like this- not the way it was in the match but like this… :-P

  21. Fiona says:

    I seriously don't know how anyone can find him attractive anymore. He used to look better when he wasn't trying so hard, now he just looks like an overdressed Ken doll. And the hair? I think you could fill an empty box with the gel you could comb out of it.
    Seriously Cristiano, you're actually a good-looking guy, so please just take it down a few (or many) notches.
    Ever heard of the term "natural beauty"?

    • Sara P says:

      Here here!!! Couldn't have said it better myself!

    • Shannon says:

      Agree, ever since he started to get more and more popular for being good looking, you can tell he actually has started to care more about his looks and trying to look "good" all the time. However, most people fell in love with his looks when he wasn't trying so hard to show them off.

  22. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Kickette, Cris pretty much do all his training with his shorts is way up, I have seen more of Cris thigh in the pre-season more than I did the whole last season. As for hair, I like the style, dont like the benz influence here, but I like the hollywood old style hair.