August 15th, 2011
Cristiano Ronaldo: Style Commentary
It’s been a while since we have felt the need to critique Cristiano’s sartorial elegance. But we’re guessing he’s been so busy with his bubba and Irina over the summer break that he simply hasn’t had time to offend us with his trouser/shoe combos.
However, training has a now recommenced and a whole season of fashion fails awaits us. Here we offer our first (of many, if previous years have been anything to go by) frank assessment of his latest garb. Thoughts?
The Comb-Over: We’ve had concerns about your barnet for many a year, Cristiano. Through faux hawks, backsprays and little blond bits we just didn’t understand, we remained with you, but this greasy comb-over affair with shaved accents is just too much for us to bear. Would you mind stopping it, please?
The Ball Under Shirt: Yes, we get it. The ball-under-the-shirt is the only opportunity you boys get to experience what it feels like to be a woman. That you’re prepared to go through this level of agony is clearly a testament to your caring side. But. That leather sphere completely impedes our ability to gawp at your abs, which, when you’re sporting that comb-over thing, is all we have. Please stop it.
The rolled up short leg: Are you a skateboarder, Cris? A middle aged woman in the midst of an identity crisis? A playa? Or do you just favour your left thigh over your right and want to show it off at every opportunity? Whatever it is, it’s irritating us. Bloody stop it!
Kickettes, tell him!