October 22nd, 2010

Cristiano Ronaldo: Would You Buy A Watch From These Jazz Hands?

Well, this is a lesson for those who throw money at footballers to shill their products. Don’t make them wear clothes, as it takes them out of their comfort zone and they end up posing like this. Jazz hands meets the chicken dance with a side of pre-bitch slap positioning.

Actually, we shouldn’t blame Cris. Hell no. Boy is hot. And it’s not his fault the art director told him to assume a baby-holding position. (Lord knows he hasn’t a clue how to do that.) No, we can’t hold this digitally enhanced rain avec warm sunset glow shot on CR. We’ve seen his modeling before, remember? The clothes must take responsibility. His best-in-the-biz body must never be covered.

Yes. Let’s put it on the clothes.

Except for the one flaw in this justification:

The crazy eyes. That’s not smizing, Cris! That’s the expression one makes when your credit card gets rejected at Nobu! And That Would Never Happen To You.

Side note: what gives with the third nipple coming out of his perfect bicep? Perhaps the bitch slap positioning is justified – Cris, give a swift one to the person photoshopping the hellouttayou.

Images via Bellazon

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50 Responses to “Cristiano Ronaldo: Would You Buy A Watch From These Jazz Hands?”

  1. Ash Menon says:

    Actually, while I'm all for the natural look and I don't like overphotoshopping ads, I think we can all agree to one thing: If there is any footballer who can do an ad that has excessive oil, skin-exposure, ridiculous photoshopping, outrageously comical poses, and more camp than a Hitchcock horror movie, Crissy is it. Although, making a decent second place finish for THAT qualifier is mi Ramos.

  2. ZaharaSpain NTBarca* says:

    you cant deny it, this man is hot…but i woulnt buy…less editing and maybe i would

  3. s0506495 says:

    It's looking FUNNY, but nothing really attractive.

  4. Sil says:

    And did he say "ok" for all of this??????????????

  5. katarche101 says:

    Spectacular. Where the f*** is he, Northanger Abbey?! He could be the next Fabio, and I don't mean Capello!

  6. Bebo Ronaldo says:

    Will everyone jus leave my husband (I wish ;D) alone I mean wot has he ever done to u???

  7. PudduQuddu<3 says:

    There are some famous lines in the Merchant of Venice written by William Shakespeare, which say: "I am a Jew. Doesn't a Jew have eyes? Don't we have hands, organs, senses, passions? We are fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, cured by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and sumer, as a Christian is. If you cut us, don't we bleed?". I think that these words are perfect to describe Cris. People sometimes despise him, and I've to say that sometimes they have reason, but I think that in bottom he's a person like us. He isn't all that he show, he's more sweet, he's sweet, he's handsome inside and not only outside. Each person, also the person who seems more hateful could hide good things inside…Cris isn't the man who seems.

  8. @AgnesWonka says:

    gosh! the expresion in his face….sexy!

  9. @mai4geri says:

    they really shouldn't edit photos of players. they're already beautiful.

  10. Jesse says:

    I don't like this range of adverts at all. The promotional strategy is bland and plain. I don't think they should have used a photoshopped/airbrushed Cristiano. Doesn't catch the attention of the viewer, a more human, alive and non-animated Cris would have looked better. The poses are stupid too.
    Bad marketing.

  11. mcgee says:

    oh man…its too late in the night for this kind of shizz…….that is just terrible..he looks like a cartoon! if they wanna sell watched have him nakey with a nothing but a watch on. i would buy that watch 100 times.

  12. Lex says:

    Ugh, gross. He is so not at all attractive to me, and these pictures just make it worse. *shudder*

  13. rachel says:

    I definitely smell what your cooking

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      LOL That line just brought me back so many memories. I'm such a weirdo. But I love the Rock so its all good.

  14. WAG2BE says:

    Dear Cristiano,
    As you future wife i would fully appreciate it if you would speak to the artistic talent involved in photo-shopping and positioning prior to allowing the pictures to be published. This will be an embarrassment to our future children, as well as our combined families. seriously dude not cool……. like at alll,
    love hugs and kisses forever

  15. jamtart heart says:

    They did do it Pique, to my deep and eternal sadness, haha! :( Don't you remember the horror of the over-photoshopped (watch?) ads of a few weeks ago? I'm sure they were posted here, but maybe not.

    I think the same heavy-handed computer person has struck again; they made CR look like a cartoon action hero, and this is not a good thing.

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      I saw that one but that wasn't bad, maybe a little too photoshoped on the face but he is suppose to do a second one. This is CR's second, the first was the bed one. So if they are going from bad to worst I can't even imagine how weird they are going to attempt to go for Pique.

  16. @vinivia says:

    i cannot stop laughing. THOSE EYES!!!

  17. Gabs says:

    That's one bad ad!!! On the other hand, who cares? even with his crazy eyes I would buy anything he sells!!!

    P.S. Please contact the photographer and let him know THERE IS something as tooo much photoshop!!

  18. Anita says:

    thta's too much photoshop!! :S
    but i would buy wathever he sells!! :D

  19. Taskeen says:

    homeboy is one big piece of hotness but what is this?? (he may not be my fave anymore but i appreciate his aesthetic appeal.. a lot)
    the armani ad left me on the verge of flatline but this… this???
    The crazy eyes in the second pic will at least create some publicity for the brand by emblazoning itself in the memories of all who see it…
    On the plus side he looks goo0d in the first pic, lol and, although its kinda odd, a bit of jazz-hand action never hurt anybody

  20. Zinny says:

    My favorite pictures of Cristiano are the ones without photoshop, no makeup, none of that nonsense. Actually, I think C-Ron looks best while playing football. So that's exactly what they should have done; put him in a more genuine enviornment. Rather than him parading around in la-la land with some God-awful poses and even worse models. Because let's face it, he is beautiful…but only when he's natural.

  21. JVD says:

    Aside from the weird hand positioning I like the first one. It is phototshop-tasitic but take it from someone who studied advertising as an Undergrad everything/one you see in magazines/ads/billboards is edited. I agree about him needing to be shirtless. His body is the gift that keeps on giving. He should have his six pack and hip dips insured.

    It occurred to me recently that CR7 is now a DILF*. How sweet is that???

    * DILGO (Dad I'd Like to Get On) for those of you clutching your pearls.

  22. eeraaa says:

    Well apart from the terrible photoshopping, the boy looks damn good. But more nekkidness would have definitely helped.
    A word to advertisers: If you wanna sell something, a shirtless footballer should do it.

  23. Nora says:

    … he looks like he's trying to seduce someone while dancing the Robot. Ugh, cannot be unseen!

  24. Laz says:

    Ok, don't shot but a good model can "make the unnatural pose look like the most natural body positioning in the world" – and cristiano bless him does have the right features to be a model but if you have watched any of the "………… next top model" you'd know that having the right look is not enough, you got to able to pose and express yourself in a natural way and ronaldo just cannot do it for the most part.

    Ronaldo almost always pulls out a good shot for nike but that is because he is almost given a prop to work with such as the ball or the goal, or given an action that he does everyday in training – the nike shots usually ask of all their footballers to minic/recreate the actions that they do every day on a pitch for their jobs so as ronaldo excels in football he was always going to do well for the nike photoshoots or at least have more chance of being so.

    However these recent modeling jobs he had done for the fashion brands (armani & timeforce) have been a bit of a disaster overall. Almost all of the armani photo's released so far, if it wasn't for the fact that he has an amazing body and beautifully sculptured facial structure all but 2 look unnatural and are a bit of a disaster because the guy does not know how to position his body and or come up with a suitable facial expression in the shot (the 2 photo's that did come out well and look more natural from him are ironically the 2 that he is given something other than posing to do in front of the camera to focus on – such as taking his shirt off and laying himself onto a chair – for some odd reason he is better double tasking on a photoshoot as i think he may try a little too hard when only given one thing to concentrate on!)

    and yes armani didn't help by photoshopping the 1st set of photo's a little too much but they did improve for the most recent 2 photo's, but it is nothing compared to the wrongness of the timeforce adverts – their photoshopping is beyond terrible, it's like the look they are going for is something between graphic novel and realistic photo in vibrant locations and they kind of get very lost on the way, which is not ronaldo fault at all, he was always going to have that big handicap for these photo's regardless of whether he posed well or not. I realize that he was instructed to make the jewalery and watch the main focus/draw in the audience to the product rather than the person modeling it but the way that ronaldo does it is too obvious and he looks very odd and unnatural in both (I don't get Gerald Pique but if you look at his campaign posters for this brand http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=25745&i… – he also has the handicap of the bad photoshop but in comparison the guy sure knows how to position his body and look at the camera in a natural way whilst still advertising the product)

    To be far to ronaldo he does do better in the tv commercials for these 2 brands but to be honest the acting required for both is one of an extra and ppl don't always need to be good at acting to be good as an extra. Ronaldo is hired for these big brands because he is one of the most famous footballers in the world and because he has the model amazing body and face, from what i have seen from him over the years he has very little talent or required skill for either acting or modeling so i really hope he was joking when he says that he would like to be an actor once done with football and stick with his talents, which is working within football such as teaching, especially working with children as he seems to have a real talent for that and for me having a gift for working with children is a much more valuable and rewarding talent/job than acting or at least modeling will ever be in comparison!

  25. BarceLisa says:

    omg that third nipple! how hot is C-Ron's bod that none of us picked up on that thing before? I'm guessing the photoshop people didn't see it either. god knows they photoshopped every other inch of these photos. Oh C-Ron *shakes head*

  26. MaryElla says:

    I’ve never known much about Ronaldo. I’ve never followed his career (stalked him on the internet) the way I’ve followed others. But I have learned 2 very important things about him from these pictures.
    1. No one in Ronaldo’s vast entourage of agents, managers, handlers, bodyguards, manicurists loves him enough/is paid enough to keep him from looking foolish in public… in print… which will last forever.
    2. He has a sense of humour.

  27. Jovana says:

    Cristiano Ronaldo is awful! He is ugly and he likes to brag a lot…retard..ok ok he DOES have a great body xD P.S. I think that Chamakh is waaaay prettier and cuter..

    • loveu2much says:

      i dont get it…what is the comparison between cris and chamakh

    • PudduQuddu<3 says:

      You don't know anything about the life and about the beautiful men in the world…Cris could be a bastard, but he isn't an ugly man…Please look carefully Chamakh and you will see that he is not famous for his beauty!!

  28. Marie says:

    if it was the the voodoo spell casting magician last season then its the ad director this season….. weird things/people jus keep following cris!

  29. littlegirl says:

    the fact is that Cristiano is a "Living Photoshop", he is the "Photoshop Embobied"…i want to say that the photos are not phososhopped…i think he is not made of skin and bones and hair,i think he is made of photo paper.

    • Summer says:

      Della stessa idea come al solito Littlegirl…:) E lo dico dall'alto della fresca della nomina che mi ha dato nella lotta contro Cris..

  30. loveu2much says:

    still looking sexy there and i love him so much but arent we having a bit too much of him lately

  31. Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

    This just illustrates my point in the previous post about Chamakh. CR is too perfect, it gets boring. Sorry.

  32. CarmenFoxe says:

    Am not a Cristiano fan, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find him attractive in the first photo, photoshop or not :P

  33. rachel says:

    I don't care what they do to Ronaldo in pictures. I do know that he is one of the few people who looks good with or without photoshop so it really does not matter.

    • WAG2BE says:

      "We’re certain that Marouane’s passing resemblance (by ‘passing’ we mean at 40kph on a moped) to Cristiano Ronaldo, plus the size of his wallet, will put him at serious risk of pursuit by budget Wagabees." bahaha remember wen kickette said that, nobody wants to look like Ronaldo….. (frankly in my personal opinion believe that would be to much hotness for the world to handle but hey…)

  34. Maria!! says:

    OHHHH GOD what the hell did they do to him !!! the 2nd pic is so funny he can fit into a Naruto or Yu Gi OH episode :p

  35. jey says:

    my eyes are bleeding

  36. Georgina Sanders says:

    This post is just absolutely hilarious the funniest parts were:

    - "Jazz hands meets the chicken dance with a side of pre-bitch slap positioning." ROFL
    - "And it’s not his fault the art director told him to assume a baby holding position. (Lord knows he hasn’t a clue how to do that.)" So, so True!
    - the links to Tyra Banks teaching Larry King to "smize". Maybe Cristiano saw that and tried to copy it but the resulting piic in the ad above came put looking like this: http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/comment/39/…

    • WAG2BE says:

      LMFAOO, kickette always gets me remember "crouching ronaldo, hidden baby" rotfl, i love this site

  37. lorena_yGp says:

    Ohhh Cris…Darling, loving you can be SOOO hard even without these kind of photos!!! I mean what happend to his face? His skin ? His eyes? his…EVERYTHING!!! ???
    First I read about Rooney crawling back to Man.Utd NOW THIS!!! This is just too much for one day…Kickette please post some Gourcuff ASAP!!!

  38. Blair says:

    Worst advertising… EVER.

  39. SoccerLoverrrr says:

    these pictures look so cartoonish! and wats with the akward baby holding position?!