July 13th, 2010
Crouching Ronaldo, Hidden Baby
Is that Crissy Ronaldo or some of our staffers’ most memorable sitcom neighbor? From the looks of the multi-million euro estate and pink CR7 hat in Vilamoura, Portugal – it could only be one man. And it’s not the one who greets paparazzi with “hidey ho”. Images via PacificCoastNews.com, ABC.es.
Though he’s reaching for straws by employing his standard Gucci flip flops to restore status quo, all is actually not well in the rented Ronaldo enclave. Yes, he’s finally back home to spend quality time with his new bubba, but the journo jury is still out on which one is exactly his.
How about the gossip mongers let us help clear the wood-stained air so we can all get back to our usual selves, eh?
Print Is Now Officially Dead
First and foremost, how can the Correio da Manhã claim they have the EXCLUSIVE HELICOPTER PHOTOS! of Ronaldo’s kid when the whole damn patio is blurred out?!
Taking into consideration that there’s probably not much to see from this aerial shot anyway, we still say:?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Multiple Infant Attendees
1. The Sun says this is his son. But it’s not.
2. The Daily Mail says this is his mother and his son. But they’re 0-for-2.
3. And Although we’re 100% sure CR JR is not too far from sunny Spanish skies and gold bracelet games, we don’t believe this is his baby boy either.
For now, and what we guesstimate to be for awhile, the identity of baby Ronaldo is at a stalemate. His sister, Katia, gave birth to a son, Dinis, five months ago so we’re going to (somewhat) logically assume that the baby on her lap is with its rightful owner. What we do know, though, is in the statement released on behalf of Ronaldo, he stated his intent to sue the CDM for their use of a helicopters and explained that the children in the photos were not his.
Lastly, and partly because we’re on a fan girl fact check roll, Ronaldo has two sisters – the other of whom is named Elma – NOT TELMA.
Daily “Fail”: 0-for-3.
The Mother’s Identity
The always impeccably dressed Dolores dos Santos Aveiro was quoted yesterday as saying the baby doesn’t look like his mother “at all”; rather his DNA was modeled after “his father and grandmother”. Modesty is a dime a dozen these days, Kickettes.
Aside from her asinine response, DR9 has given us the first substantial clue in this spermination saga: Crissy’s fam knows the identity of the mother. This admission, by the person who is perhaps closest to Cristiano himself, could have the gusto to lay all those sensational surrogate storylines to rest.
How Nereida Is Stirring This Crock Pot of Uncertainty
Believe it or not, Nereida Gallardo feels she’s still relevant. Believe it or not, we feel differently.
Just like a wicked witch with her poisonous brew, this super cell phone chaser revealed that the mother of Ronaldo’s baby is British, “but lives elsewhere”. Adding that she’s “very beautiful and young” (speaking about the child’s birth mother; not herself), Ronaldo’s former blinged-out bish’s statement directly contradicts what previous reports insinuated about an American woman being involved.
If you have one shred of interview-for-hire common sense, then you’ll side with the rest of reality in calling Gallardo’s bluff.
On A Serious Programming Note
Giving an impromptu talk with reporters, Ronaldo swatted away attempts to pry at his personal life by telling the lurkers to avoid asking the elephant-in-the-room questions. He added, “With you here all day I can not relax and feel uncomfortable. I would appreciate privacy, not only for me, but for my family and all the children, who are uncomfortable with your presence”.
We’d be remiss if we didn’t admit to feeling a slight pang of sadness for the spectacle this baby’s life has already become. Thus far, we agree with the readers/commentators calling for a staged magazine photo op to draw an end to this scrutiny.
Where does that leave us? Well, we only feel compelled to share our POV when fact checking and truth telling is necessary; however, we never wish to report on topics that induce hangover-like headaches for our readers. On a scale from Sober to Slurring, be sure to let us know if you’re as sick of this fever-pitch “scandal” speculation as we are, Kickettes.