June 9th, 2010

Das Eisen schmieden, solange es heiß ist: 5 Best Bratwursts From Germany

Germany World Cup 2010

No, Mario Gomez, you are not invited to our “Strike While The Iron Is Hot” party. You can fault your stunted facial fuzz growth, not us. Images via REUTERS/Johannes Eisele; FABRICE COFFRINI/AFP/Getty Images; AP Photo/Hassan Ammar. Thanks Em!

Through our labour-intensive research, we’ve developed a wealth of German national team knowledge. For example, as a whole, the players like their hair gel. And they have issues with singing their country’s national anthem. We’ve also expanded our interest in their WAGs as of late because honestly, you can’t make this juicy goodness up: one girlfriend has expectations of a wedding offering financial security, and jokes (Ed Note: we think she’s joking) that she’ll kill herself when her player’s gone from the NT. Another WAG nearly lost a stone following an internet comment-induced crash diet.

If you skipped your German tutor sessions before they even got started, then this guide’s for you. We’re not German linguistas by any stretch of the truth; however, we can spot a good look-alike or five when we see them.

Germany WC1. Piotr Trochowski

This isn’t the first time 5-feet and 7-strong-inches Trochi has been on our radar, but his diminutive size makes him a wee bit harder to scope out on our vertically-fit radar.

He’s an Aries, a midfielder who likes to play with both feet and eats noodles before every game. We consider him our very own footballin’ Hugh Jackman. The one from Broadway; not the X-Men movies.

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World Cup Germany 20102. Cacau (real name Claudemir Jeronimo Barreto)

A native of Brazil, he never received the call for his home country’s squad, so the Brazilian’s loss was Germany’s gain. This married man has an affinity for posting shirtless pics of himself, making him a perfect Jamie Foxx-NSFW-in-the-bathroom substitute.  Another fun factoid: when you Google image his name, pictures of yummy chocolate nubs appear out of thin air. Now that’s talent.

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World Cup 2010 hot Germans3. Per Mertesacker

A man of many talents, Per’s big heart once motivated him to work with disabled children during his days as a normal person. Additionally, for those moments that your NT cell phones don’t work, he’s your go-to guy for finding a loop-hole. Best of all, he can bulge whilst bike riding – a talent the Kickette Short Tent Research Institute has not encountered before but is now making plans to further investigate.

We’re pumped at the possibility of the Steve Stifler of Deutschland going toe-to-toe with one of Spain’s finest short tent goal protectors and have scheduled time with our photoshop to give this bubbly blondie a bad-boy beard test run.

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4. Dennis Aogo

Perhaps the only player who can teach an airport how to reclaim its long-lost swagger, he should be forced to wear suits in public for all of eternity. While some critics were surprised at Aogo’s NT inclusion, we never doubted this man since he is single-handedly redefining the Blue Steel look.

Celebrity star match? JLS’s Marvin Humes.

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5. Holger Badstuber

Germany’s answer to Justin Bieber also needs somebody to love – and Sarah Brandner doesn’t mind lending her helping hands and arms to the cause.

A self-described modest and friendly guy, he has a penchant for fizzy redcurrant juice. For him, this 2009 – 2010 season has been a year of firsts: his first German national team call up is this summer’s biggest tournament, which follows his first domestic league title after making his Bayern Munich club debut. In fact, he’s so fresh-out-of-the-box that a mere two weeks ago we had never even heard of him. But now, we appreciate this tadpole’s quirky football helmets and hope he finds his love match so this world has one less “lonely girl” to look after.

Yes, we know that was cheesy. But we couldn’t help ourselves.

Who makes your hot German World Cup player list?

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42 Responses to “Das Eisen schmieden, solange es heiß ist: 5 Best Bratwursts From Germany”

  1. aureliia says:

    lotta love 4 holger…….and the others as well….(:(:(:

  2. Tashinka says:

    Not regretting purchasing a Germany shirt at all today… not at all.

  3. christine says:

    Mesut Ozil and Sami Khedira. Young pups but fynnnnn all the same

  4. livv4footy says:

    where’s my little lahm? and my basti? :l

    • Rusty (Mrs Clemens Fritz) says:

      Maybe the author and/or Kickette herself think they’re ugly? ;)

  5. LaGrace says:

    Löw for sure as he is the sexiest coach germany ever had *I am waiting for Scholli to pic up that place one day*

    Butt is rather hot and with some Aperol Sour I will say Gomez is aswell. Schweinsteiger is CULT, but not hot imo.

    Still: DEUTSCHLAND!

  6. Julia says:

    Piotr is actually reaaaaally pretty. And he's got abs like whoa…

    AND you included Per Mertesacker. This is just. Fucking. Brilliant.

  7. Lisa says:

    The coach Jogi Löw is really hot and Philipp Lahm is cute :-)

  8. Nikki says:

    Where is Miroslav Klose? He is by far the sexiest player in the German NT!

  9. Deffo-Nando says:

    Yaaaaaay!!!! Holger!!!! ilhsfm.

  10. Linda (Gooner till I die) says:

    None of them.
    Bu I kinda fancy Jogi Loew. :)

  11. Rusty (Mrs Clemens F says:

    Umm guys, the post describes players IN THE WORLD CUP. So no Ballack, no Hummels, no Adler, no Frings, no Rolfes. I'm guessing that Kickette wanted to introduce new players to y'all, so no Marito, Poldi, Schweini, Lahm etc.

    I think my favorite Germans are Fritz (obv), Ballack, Hummels, Gomez and Trochowski.

    And, umm, the Trochowski picture doesn't look like Trochowski to me. Am I hallucinating?

  12. Inés says:

    where are Philip Lahm, Lukas Podolski and Bastian Schweinsteiger?
    I agree with the last one!

  13. CR_9_Lady says:

    I’m from Germany but I don’t think anyone of the NT is hot…Maybe Mario Gomez but just a little bit.

    But Marko Marin is soooooo cute :D

  14. Ofeily9 says:

    Mario Gomez =D
    Lucas Podolski :D
    Philip Lahm =)
    Hans Jorg Butt :) )
    Bastian Shweini :)

  15. MissEstonia says:

    Aogo is HELLA gorgeous! :O

  16. I have never heard of any of these players on this list. Was expecting more along the lines of the usual ones; Ballack, Podolski, Torsten, Lahm…but I guess this means I must upgrade my Bundesliga knowledge… :-p

  17. Anastasia says:

    Schweinsteiger. People make fun of him all the time, but without the bleach blonde hair, the dude is hot. With the bleach blonde hair, I'm still crushing.

    Ballack forever. I don't care that he's out on injury or that Uli Hoeness thinks Ballack should retire from international play. He's the captain of my heart. (Yes, I am aware that was lame).

    Also, fantastic call on including Piotr and Dennis.

  18. embee says:

    BASTIAN. SCHWEINSTEIGER.

  19. Izzy says:

    Mario gomez, don't like how he looks right now, but normally he is rarr :)

    Arne Friedrich

    Phillip Lahm he is so cute

    Christoph Metzelder (he's not anymore in the NT but ohh he's hot hot hot)

    Marko Marin

    Michael Ballack (has been my love for many WC unfortunately can't play :( )

    Miroslav Klose and Podolski they're hot too

  20. Olivia says:

    Am I the only one who has a little thing for Joachim Loew?

    He's got a little somethin somethin ;)

    But Mario Gomez is Hottttttttt

    And I know he is no longer on the NT *very sad face* but where is dear Christoph Metzelder?

  21. ba says:

    i don't think they are good looking. They have a great style of football but there are no beauty. Sorry, i try to understand why Kickette finds Mario Gomez hot cuz for my eyes, he's just uuugh. And yeah, where's Podolski? is that he is the finest of this squad, in my opinion

  22. Quincy says:

    Ohh! Where's PODOLSKI?? ö

  23. truly_thata says:

    MATS HUMMELS!!! KICKETTE: PUT HIM ON YOUR RADAR

  24. cr9 lover says:

    Proves ones agian why the spanish are so hot. mario is half spanish

    • ba says:

      Really? I can't believe that Mario is half spanish. I try but i don't find him attractive…

      • MissEstonia says:

        And neither do I…I just don’t see it and I don’t get the obsession with Spain/Spanish players. They’re not all that.

  25. Katherine says:

    So happy that people are starting to notice Holger! I agree on Ballack and Poldi, but I'd also like to see Schweinsteiger, Miro Klose and Manuel Neuer here too

  26. Goosie says:

    Also, I know he's not coaching the team anymore (and in fact lives in LA if I remember correctly) but I lived and died Juergen Klinsmann in the 2006 World Cup. Yum.

  27. Michi says:

    What does 'weinersnitchel' mean? Never heard it in Englisch and i KNOW it doesn't exist in German… do you mean Wienerschnitzel? Something to eat?

    Ok, back to topic: they're all quite cute, but unfortunately the best players have to stay at home, because of injuries or just because Jogi Löw is to STUPID.

    See: Mats Hummels, Simon Rolfes, Rene Adler (in a suit… hehe), and so on

  28. Sergo says:

    Wienerschnitzel's are from Austria. Would be better if you wrote Bratwurst's instead. :P

  29. Deb says:

    I wished Ballack could be in here!! This is seriously wrong without him.

    I agree with Goosie, love Podolski, and for some reason I like Phillip Lahm as well.

  30. Moja says:

    ditto on the ballack & podolski love! and hello dennis aogo & per mertesacker!

  31. AnnaBlume says:

    That's Jérôme Boateng gettin off of that bus, not Aogo (not your fault though, I saw the picture on daylife before and they simply have the wrong caption). Here's a cute pic of Aogo getting off a bus though:
    http://www.daylife.com/photo/05Kmc4u5pIfS3?q=denn… ;)

  32. Christina says:

    I love Arne Friedrich! http://www.arnefriedrich.de/ love him, love him, love him *squee*

    Mario Gomez is pretty hot, too. Of course without his facial fuzz.

    and has anybody seen Piotr Trochowski during the test-match against Bosnia – wow! love the tight trikots ;-)

  33. Goosie says:

    Is Michael Ballack not on this because he's injured?

    I hope that's your reason because if not, then this list is SERIOUSLY flawed.

    :)

    I also love me some Lukas Podolski.