November 23rd, 2009

Elen Rives: Diamond Boutique Debut

Elen or Zoolander

Three words you wouldn’t normally put in a sentence together: Elen + Elegance + Premium.

Yet Tesco’s marketing wiz kids believe some snazzy adjectives and Elen Rives’ post break-up bod are a sure fire way to sell their new lingerie range to aspirational Wagabees.

Craftily entitled “Diamond Boutique”,¬†the collection is priced to sell. You could buy the entire line thrice and still have taxi fare for the mental asylum to spare.

Sidenote: Elen has now sought to clarify her original¬†”I still love Frank” comments. We call bluff.

Inspired by the movie Mermaid Is It just us or does this look incredibly awkward The hair does not compensate for the gloves

Link: Shop Tesco’s Diamond Boutique

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48 Responses to “Elen Rives: Diamond Boutique Debut”

  1. The model looks hot. I think it could be the color black. Maybe black colored lingerie can make one more appealing. I think those who are conservative Asian Indians would not like the photos of the model. Jewelry pieces look best on women.

  2. Moys says:

    In the first picture it looks like she has really bad gas or she's sitting on the toilet.

  3. lampsylover says:

    SOOOOO PHOTOSHOP..!! I could have made her look better on paint..hahahahah..!! GIVE UP ELLEN U ARE NOT A MODEL..not even close…u dont have the body(anymore) and OFCOURSE u dont have the face..!! SORRY HONEY just being honest here.!!

  4. CrazyOrange says:

    Me not liking her has noting to do with the fact that those are… werid…

    It's just not her thing… She'd make better pics with devil horns and a trident in her hand…

  5. becca (mrs lampard!) says:

    I really hate to say it but, she looks nice here :/

  6. Jelena says:

    First,,,,,She looks like monster…..Her face……

    Second,,,,,When a women not have brain,,,all the thins she can do is..SELL YOUR BODY…..Back off,,,,,B***h!!!!!!

    Third,,,,,,Now she can’t hope Frank will back to her arms.

    fourh…..She isn’t looks great all the way on that pics…..


  7. Dreamgirl says:

    I don't like Elen and I don't think she is suited for this kind of work.

    On the other hand. Most other models are airbrushed and what not and the pics are not any trashier than Posh's. The only difference is the price tag on the lingerie. Remember it's TESCO people!!!!! Have fun with it.

  8. Susie says:

    OK, the underwear isnt Agent Provocateur and she’s not the A-typical model, but some of the comments on this page are a tad bit ridiculous.

    Is some of this Elen “hate” just because she is a foreigner? Cause Ive seen far, far trashier get ups on Brit wags and they never get half the abuse that Elen does.

    Food for thought…

    • Lamps' babe says:

      I'm a foreigner too,I don't think,and I hope,that this isn't the main reason behind some comments..I don't like this woman,ok.but I have to admit she has a great body.I just think that modelling is not for everyone,in these days Photoshop is in almost every shoot,but that isn't the problem,she doesn't look at ease in any of these pics..she looks like "I was going there…"

      • Elen Rives brings out a very strong reaction in many of our readers – don't think it's a foreign thing – it's the combination of crazy clothes and a relationship with Frank Lampard that inspires the venom usually :) We are endlessly entertained by her here at Kickette HQ

        • tammyv says:

          I too am endless entertained by her and her various exploits…plus she just seems like she would be a fun girlfriend to hang out with

        • Susie says:

          Ok, but I just notice that when its Abbey or Alex looking a tad bit skanky, they dont get half the grief that Elen seems to get.

          She wears weird clothes, yes, but I hardly find her vulgar…atleast not in any pic Ive seen on Kickette in the last 6 months or so.

    • Macacinha says:

      Nothing to do with her nationality. She's just so easy to ridicule, unfortunately. Everything she does, she gets it that little bit wrong.

      She's not the only WAG who does, either.

    • Lily says:

      Nationality doesn't play here any role.

      When Elen looks great, like here… , everybody admits that she looks fab and there is no hate. When she looks trashy, like in this photos, of course people write that she looks bad and trannish.

      The problem is that Elen most of the time looks trashy rather than classy. And Danielle Lloyd and Gemma Atkinson always have even worse comment here.

  9. Fer_Lahm says:


    there’s something wrong with Elen’s last name, her last name is Rivas not Rives, :) xxxx

  10. Mila says:

    Photoshop much? Seriously, her body looks different in every pic. The underwear might have looked sexy on a real model. And what's with the faces she's making??

  11. Tanya says:

    The only way she could make this work is by having some fun with the WAG thing and aim for cheeky and fun. Instead it's just cheap and tacky and she looks like a *****.

  12. Macacinha says:

    Her body looks different in all of the pictures. The main one has been photoshopped to hell – no-one’s stomach looks like that, not even Elen’s in the next pic.
    The underwear looks missable as well.

  13. FootballerChick43-"Mrs.Ballack" says:

    Her poses look really, really stiff and ackward and the costume and set director should be fired, but she doesn’t look terrible here. I don’t care if the images are photoshopped within an inch of her life – it’s not THAT bad.

  14. tammyv says:

    Oh Elen… never change. You are awesome in your redic awesomeness.

    And the smokin hot body is not bad either.

  15. Danika says:

    The decor reminds me of one of those Wild West bordels. Second the had a lot to work and still managed to make her face look strange she has such a big bone structure. And last, realy thats her body? And that pictures from Germany, 3 years ago with the legs full of cellulite, or those from Ibiza this year with her hang out tummy?

    • Lana says:

      I remember those photos. Because of them, I wrote about totall photoshopping in my previous post

  16. Lilly says:

    people,who else thinks this might be a pathetic attempt to get Lampsy back(it’s like:this is what you’re missing out on,babe)?whatever it is,it’s trasky.hel-lo, you have two daughters to set a good example for!
    btw,who was the one that ended it?her or Frank?I’d like to think Frank :)

  17. Lamps' babe says:

    Ok,let’s be fair..she has a great body after 2kids…but…everything in these pics looks like something trashy that “SHOULD” look classy..but it doesn’t look that way…not at looks like Red Light district to me…and Elen looks like a tranny.

  18. Julia says:

    I looked at her face and thought: that doesn’t look anything like Elen Rives. Then I cought a glimpse at her tighs and… yeah, it’s her. That picture where she’s sitting is just a complete disaster. And all the other photos looks extremly airbrushed.

  19. carly says:

    She should have left the modelling to actual (I mean current) lingerie models. This is so bad and why would anyone want to buy Elen lingerie? Do people actually know who she is? I only do because I'm a nutter, that's my only excuse.

  20. LoveLamps says:

    As if I weren’t ill enough. *vomits*

  21. I normally like her, but what the hell is wrong with her lips? She’s always pouting like Keira Knightley, I hate that!

  22. HiL says:

    She looks awkward..

  23. Baby Freya says:

    From the neck up it’s ok but the poses look so forced that it’s painful to veiw!

  24. Redgirl says:

    who did they have styling and directing that shoot? Poor Elen, did no one there think to tell her that sitting pose was about as inelegant as a female chimp on heat? Plus she looks like she's had too much collagen round the mouth. The wags are beginning to constitute a good argument for avoiding non-surgical intervention. (Alongside Jordan on IAC; the ridges around her mouth and on her cheekbones are just mesmerising.) Hey, let's celebrate sagging! There are worse alternatives!

  25. Der Lutscher says:

    I never understood how is she a "model". Her body isn't really "model-structured" (even photoshop can't fix this). She looks like a regular woman, pretending to be a model. I mean, look at Louise Redknapp for Triumph – not a model as well, but oozes class.

  26. MrsCole says:

    I couldn’t add more, I totally agree with you all, especially about the way she is turning into…I used to like her!

  27. Zo.acm says:

    Just trashy… the poses, the surroundings, the lingerie and the model.

  28. Elise says:

    On the one hand, I suppose she's at least earning some money- a new concept for her, no doubt- but on the other hand *vomit*. Will this person just GO AWAY. Enough already. My cat routinely poses more elegantly than that.

  29. Teamtoto says:

    well….she look funny…very forced. shame…

  30. Lana says:

    Too bright make up, too much photoshop

  31. jax says:

    Sorry but she looks like she’s having a difficult time on the toilet in that main picture! Decent body but still don’t think she’s at all attractive – very trannyish. Bitchy, I know but I’m in a really bad mood……

  32. Merel says:

    She ain't Doutzen Kroes, that is my first thought.

  33. Ellie says:

    OK, must admit her body looks great after having 2 kids. I'll give her that. But the underwear looks cheap and trashy…and so does she. Who styled this shoot? It's an abomination.

  34. suzie says:

    For a 30 something mum of 2 she looks good, but I don't think Victoria's Secret will be on the phone anytime soon.

  35. Boston Red says:

    Oh Elen. I think she does look pretty, but it's so…. awkward?

  36. She just looks really uncomfortable in these poses.

  37. truly_thata says:

    are they never learn pout isn't that sexy?

    Stop taking note from Victoria (her husband cheat with bisexual) and your (Ellen) doesn't have idea to marry you!

  38. Lily says:

    first of all, I don't like the underwear she wears…

    Why did they have to highlight (?) so much her lips when they are already "luscious"?

    I am actually quite disappointed by the way she is turning into a famewhore