April 4th, 2011

Dressed At Gunpoint: Coleen Rooney

Guess it had to happen at some point, Kickettes. We can count the number of times we’ve hated one of Coleen Rooney’s outfits on one hand. As you know, we usually love what she wears, but the dire dressage above is worth an entire hand of dislikes.

As we learned last week, the challenging world of jumpsuits is not for everyone and, Coleen’s Sea NY leopard print number is probably not for anyone. The tapered cut of the trousers and baggy-ness around her midsection do absolutely nothing for her visibly small body. Those who thought Col was on course for a stellar fashion weekend, which began with her sporting this adorable look at a Kylie Minogue concert on Friday, obviously thought wrong upon seeing this onesie monstrosity.

WAGs have a dubious history with animal print jumpsuits. Several fashion disasters in the same category lead us to believe that jumpsuits should be removed from the list of available options for WAG fashion. If you must wear a jumpsuit, we think the key is to make it look like you’re not wearing one. Stick to a solid color and make sure it’s fitted on either the top or the bottom. This lovely little number from L’Wren Scott does just the trick.

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28 Responses to “Dressed At Gunpoint: Coleen Rooney”

  1. Catie2838 says:

    Oh, Coleen. This is atrocious. And is exactly what happens when you see details you like (I'm assuming for Coleen that was the print and maybe the girly lace embellishments or tie shoulders) attached in a questionable manner (but damnit sometimes you still just like it) in the shape of something that is clearly a trend that will last about 2 minutes. Everyone tries to make it work, and most of the time it fails.

    That is also how I ended up with a caftan that looks more like a doily last weekend.

  2. Isabella says:

    ugly hag; wannabe star…

  3. chefdi says:

    agree, agree, agree … it's just a big blob of wrong

  4. @DebStimson says:

    okay…I can't get past her shoes. I mean, seriously, if a shoe fits properly, your toes will not extend past the front of the shoe. It's bad enough putting your feet through the torture of walking in high heels but when they don't fit on top of that? That just looks so painful.

    I'm not feeling the jumpsuit either. o_O

  5. AC_USA says:

    Good God! First it makes her look hugeee and the print mekes me wish I never saw this picture!! What in the world?? There is not a blazer on the world that can fix this thing up!! UUGGGhhhh…I still think she is amazing woman considering who she has for a husband! Should have ditched him when she had a chance!!! Not saying that she is not gonna have another chance though bucause I believe in little something that says"Once a cheater, always a cheater" ! :)

  6. Isabella says:

    No comments… u_u

  7. everyone is talking about the jumpsuit but the shoes are equally horrendous!

  8. Homeskillet07 says:

    i don't think it's nearly as terrible as everyone is making it out to be but it's not great.

  9. Raincitygirl says:

    I had an outfit just like this.

    When I was five years old.

  10. Rory says:

    Wow. I'm embarrassed FOR her.

  11. cjs says:

    i LOVE the white dress she wore at the kylie concert, anyone know the designer? however, the jumpsuit makes me wish i were blind..

  12. rubyqueen says:

    i can count on both hands how many of coleen's outfits i've hated.this included just hideous.!!

  13. Missy Manchester says:

    Nobody told me Yulia Voronin was back in town.

  14. simone says:

    since when does my comment have to be approved

  15. simone says:

    the only thing i like about this outfit are the shoes

  16. Emily says:

    you know, I've never seen someone wearing a jumpsuit and been like "wow, she looks great!" jumpsuits are pretty much the most atrocious fashion innovation ever. even worse than overalls, cuz people don't wear overalls thinking they look good; they're more comfort. Jumpsuits on the other hand- you're clearly trying to make a statement. and clearly its failing. a quick google image search of jumpsuits confirms that the only tolerable form of the garment is a dark solid color, mostly black, with a modern cut on the top-basically something that looks like pants and a shirt. so, why even bother with a jumpsuit? they should be abolished. and don't even get me started on rompers….

    sorry if this seems harsh; I just have a very strong aversion to jumpsuits.

    • lisette89 says:

      I totally agree, actually. Yeah, some people look really nice while wearing them. But it's usually more a case of "in spite of the jumpsuit" than "because of it".

      I wonder if that's part of the appeal for women, actually. You probably won't pull in it, but I think we all know that's not always the purpose of an outfit. Are some women trying to say, "Look how fashion forward I am, and how cute I can look while wearing THIS!"?

      It really doesn't work in this case, but it would answer a lot of questions.

    • Gladys says:

      Hallelujah sister on everything you said. And LOL re: rompers…I live in a part of Brooklyn filthy with fashion victims and my eyes are still burning from last summer's nightmare parade of them up and down my street. Nobody looks good in what really amounts to childrens comfort clothing.

      • Emily says:

        haha yes! i feel like rompers should only be made in miniature- for little children. cuz everything they wear is adorable!

    • Winnie Mata says:

      i have to agree for the most part, but there ARE some people who can pull this look off. they are usually model skinny and stick with a more flattering, less outlandish print.

      but Coleen, that pattern…just…no.

  17. Kiki says:

    oh Lord…. My eyes, my EYES! This is so ugly…

    Come on, Coleen! You can do SO MUCH better than this…

    Girl……

  18. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Calling fashion police? She already has the outfit to be jailed o_O

  19. mochara says:

    Ok this isn't great I have to admit but I still like her a hell of a lot more than her husband……

  20. JA7 says:

    WHAT on earth is she WEARING? 0_0

  21. SunnyK says:

    First Alena Seredova and now this. Yikes.

    Dear designers of the world,

    Please, for the love of God, stop creating these monstrosities. They flatter NO ONE!

  22. Kal says:

    Coleen: How does this look?
    Wayne: What,f@#%ing What??

    Breaking news: FA bans Coleen for 2 games for breaking its eyesore rules.

  23. Umm, No girl! I love you Coleen but please don't do that to me again. You're scaring me! This looks like something my grandmother wore back in the 80s to exercise in.