May 24th, 2010

EPL Newbies: A Stalking Summary

Somewhat lost amid the hysteria of the CL final, the Championship Play Off Final to decide the last EPL promotion spot took place at Wembley Stadium on Saturday afternoon. Cardiff City and Blackpool fought an epic battle, with Cardiff taking the lead twice, but it was Blackpool who will be entertaining the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea et al at Bloomfield Road next season, winning 3-2 on the day.

Enough “proper” footy talk; let’s get to the real news at hand, shall we? Three clubs have now been promoted to the English Premier League.

In other words, we need to alert you to the box-fresh man-flesh that will be parading up and down your screens next season. Here’s a handy run-down to the newly promoted teams.

Newcastle United (Champions – 1st Automatic promotion spot)

A shock relegation in the 2008/9 season, Newcastle United stormed the Championship and were confirmed champions before April was out. We realise that many of you are already fully aware of the ‘highlights’ of this particular club. But it doesn’t hurt to revisit old ground when it looks like Andy Carroll (left) and Alan ‘Smudger’ Smith, does it?

West Bromwich Albion (2nd Automatic promotion spot)

Perennial bouncers West Brom once again boinged their way into the EPL.  Above left, you will note the thighs of the superbly named Gianni Zuiverloon. We’ll be honest – we liked his name so much we would probably have featured him even if we hadn’t spotted those tree trunks. Luke Moore, on the other hand, made it completely by virtue of his own hotness. The pouty pout didn’t come into it.

Blackpool (Play-off Winners)

Last but not least we offer you Blackpool.  A team who cost less to put together than Sergio’s manbag collection have made it to the EPL. We love it!

Above you will see Blackpool’s scrummy Rob Edwards. Rob is very versatile, capable of pulling off the ‘hawt’ in both orange and er… pink. Having already featured in the News of the World, we figure he will fit in well in the EPL.

Meanwhile, Hameur Bouazza (left, right in image) has the ‘Thursday Thighs’ totally covered. As a bonus, you can also watch out for Hameur in the World Cup, representing Algeria.

Are you excited at the prospect of discovering some new Premier League talent? Or are you still on a liquid chocolate IV to keep you going until the new season starts?

Images via Reuters, Getty Images & AP

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5 Responses to “EPL Newbies: A Stalking Summary”

  1. Reid agrees West Bromwich Albion permanent deal…

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my blog :)

  2. JaneSpotting says:

    Can't wait for more stalking! And yes, as she who loves Barca says, welcome Andy! Meow

  3. Lola says:

    Hameur Bouazza? Trust me, he’s the last person on my stalking list..Algeria

  4. Hellooooooooooo Andy Carrol!!!…*wink wink* :-p

  5. Alisha says:

    James Morrison for West Brom ;)