December 17th, 2010

Europa League: How Do You Keep Warm?

Villarreal’s Cani. Not a method of keeping warm that we wholeheartedly approve of, to be honest. (Getty Images/Daylife)

With many of Wednesday and Thursday’s Europa League games hit by the awful weather currently sweeping the continent, it seems that players are adopting their own unique methods of counteracting the big freeze.

Instead of a proper Europa League Results Post, which would set a precedent we quite frankly stand no chance of maintaining, we have decided to examine some of these methods, and sneak some of the scores in at the same time.

Then, you’ll be happy and we can spend the next two hours refreshing weatherbug and ruing our decision not to wear boots to work. Gulp.

We begin with the ‘total coverage’ method (Villarreal’s Cani, top), a look that upsets us deeply here at Kickette HQ. He was playing in Villarreal’s 2-1 away win at Club Bruges and while we have no desire to see players freeze to death in the name of their art, this increasing trend of skin suppression is causing us consternation. Please stop. 

AEK Athens’ striker Ismael Blanco (left), decides to deal with the very real possibility of passing out due to hypothermia by utilising the old military trick of sustaining a severe blow to the face during AEK’s 3-0 defeat to Zenit St Peterburg. (Getty Images/Daylife)

This procedure, designed to take one’s mind off the cold, is doubly effective as once the player is rendered unconscious (an unfortunate but very real consequence of being kicked in the face, kids) he is carried off the pitch into a nice, warm changing room.

Clever, Ismael, very clever.

Meanwhile FC Utrecht players Jan Wuytens (above center) Gianluca Nijholt (left) and Leon de Kogel choose the far more civilised option of mugging Liverpool for their shirts and then having a cheery sing-song after their 0-0 draw. Please note the additional measure of tight hand holding in order to retain body warmth in the extremities.  Bless!

The good cheer is not so much in evidence in Germany, where Atletico Madrid’s Diego Forlan (above) attempts to bitchface the snow into submission. Their 1-1 draw against Bayer Leverkusen leaves them third in Group B and implies he was not entirely successful. (Reuters/Daylife)

Although we might cautiously suggest it’s a better approach than Atletico’s keeper David De Gea (left) managed. This is an innovative way of wearing a snood but *may* explain why Atletico conceded in the first place.  (Getty Images/Daylife)

 

But check out Juventus winger Milos Krasic! Milos was playing in Juve’s 1-1 draw with Manchester City and his mesmerising stare is sufficient to clear snow for a fifteen metre radius. Rumours that Milos is in talks to stare at the roads in England during the current cold snap remain unsubstantiated. Mainly because we started them. (Getty Images/Daylife)

And finally, an old favourite to round us off. If all else fails and you simply cannot get warm, these FC Karpaty Lviv fans (left) demonstrate that setting off flares in the stand is the most expedient way to rectify the situation.

A swift response by heavily armed police officers will ensure that you are hauled from your seat and swiftly placed in a van with lots of other fans, bound for a lovely, cosy prison cell. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Mmm, toasty!

The rest of the Europa League results are here.

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15 Responses to “Europa League: How Do You Keep Warm?”

  1. Deb Stimson says:

    I didn't see the Athletico game but was his snood up like this the whole game or just after Leverkusen scored? The way De Gea is standing in this picture, makes it look like he was trying to hide after conceding a goal. The hands/arms definitely look like he's in the midst of a "d*mn it" moment. :(

    • gi0ia says:

      It was snowing like this the whole time! The pitch got so white that they threw a *red* ball on it, and there were footprints and "slide marks" everywhere. I was very surprised that they came out again after the break, I must admit! Never seen a football match like it!

  2. @AgnesWonka says:

    oh, my sister is so sad for Atletico de Madrid!!

  3. gi0ia says:

    I originate 90min from Leverkusen, although I have been living in Britain for many years. Seeing Diego Forlan in "my homeland show", looking so wet and sexy, and obviously so not being used to it, made me homesick! I was happy like a little child that he was to play what`s almost my hometeam, but not happy re the way it panned out – although it would have taken a miracle to get that one to work out, I know, I know… :-(

  4. jellenp says:

    I understand he's not naked enough for Kickette's standards, but I'm a total cold wimp – and therefore heartily endorse the way David De Gea is wearing his COWL.

    When the temp is below freezing, full neck, nose and ear coverage is the only way to go.

  5. tere says:

    LOL de gea is TOO CUTE.

  6. Bri says:

    I'm surprised Diego doesn't have a heat bubble around him that the snow just melts on because he is SO smokin! Maybe being shirtless is the key…hmm, shall we conduct a study for science?

  7. hereforthenando says:

    Liverpool and Utrecht actually tied 0-0. I wish that there had been two goals, it would have livened up the match…

    Anybody else out there (except for you, Sir Alex) putting snoods on their Christmas list? Maxi Rodriguez and Pepe Reina are bringing sexy back with those neck-warming fashion pieces!

  8. blake2108 says:

    I'm not female, but if I were I'd seriously want David De Gea's babies.

    I don't care if he wears snoods, under armour and tights, he still looks absolutely gorgeous. He's in my top 3 favourite footballers currently, and as a United fan, I'd love to see him at Old Trafford. That purple kit really suits him too, and I'm sure he's got a lovely body underneath his many layers of kit.

    Beautiful man.

  9. blitzenTO says:

    Forlan: "NO!!!! Not my curls! They're melting!!!!"

  10. Thea says:

    Forlan heats up my temp any day of the week!!! you need all the heating up you can when you are having to do promo work at Luton Airport……….not the best Kickettes!!!

  11. Ana says:

    "Atletico Madrid’s Diego Forlan (above) attempts to bitchface the snow into submission…."
    :)

    That certainly says quite a bit about the man. And it's hilarious. Kudos, Kickette!