February 15th, 2010

Excuse FAIL: Ashley Cole’s Sexy Texts

And… another one bites the dust. (Rio, we’ll get to you in a minute.) But for now, let’s examine the public relations fail that somehow advised the very married Ashley Cole to explain away sending photos of his penis to a glamour model in this manner:

He was “larking about”.


Taking photos of his naked body. Just, ‘cuz.

Then a friend of a friend’s mate with bad credit needed a way to communicate and Ashley passed on his pay-as-you-go (?) phone… and the rest is history.

As everyone in the free world is aware, PAYG phones are for drug dealers, cheaters and 10-year-old girls. As everyone in the free world is also aware: Ashley’s excuse is complete and utter bollocks.

Especially when another girl has come out with more photos. Sigh.

We’re coming round to the idea that supporting the England squad means supporting skankery in all it’s forms, both stupid and sophisticated. But mostly stupid. So, let’s all throw our wholehearted backing into STD testing and move past this.

And also: We want to see the photos. No shame in our game.

Random: Ashley’s injury makes us stampy; he’s such a talented player. World Cup, we barely knew ye.

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32 Responses to “Excuse FAIL: Ashley Cole’s Sexy Texts”

  1. [...] Cole stuck needles in her bum to cope with her then-husband’s infidelity issues. After she “attacked him like a lunatic”, natch. [The Sun, Splash News [...]

  2. tammyv says:

    I would like to send this message to all ballers and well all men:


  3. tammyv says:

    I would like to dedicate Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” to her and Toni.

    I can’t feel any smypathy for Cheryl since her bash of the WAGs who stay after their men get caught bitchfest.

  4. Erin says:

    Ashley Cole does something unbelievably stupid and disgraceful, and this somehow becomes a Cheryl bash??? I’m speechless.

    • Tina says:

      It's the same thing that happened when Toni took JT back, only she capitalises off of this. She conveniently talks about this when she has something to sell. I.E. she spoke about his alleged infidelity in her book, she spoke about it around the time her album came out, and she's capitalised both times. She's the "Nations Sweetheart" because she looks pretty when she pouts. She knows what he's done, and she stands by him because it's good for her image. And THAT'S why people are bashing her.

      • Erin says:

        I’m sad that any of these women stay with the men, because it shows a lack of self-respect. But this is really over the top.

        • Tina says:

          I lost respect for Cheryl when she didn't come to Ashleys defense. If he were so drunk he threw up on himself, he was in no condition to consent to sex. That's sexual assault. She took advantage of him, and if the roles were reversed and she was throwing up drunk and he had sex with her, he'd be charged with rape.

          • Lou says:

            And what's his excuse for all the other times?????

            Please. That guys a dog, and he'll always be a dog. Cheryl knows what he is, so the question is WHY is she staying with him?

            …..Maybe because it benefits her 'career'!

            'Fight for this love' is going to be on repeat ALOT! :P

          • lemontree says:

            Come on, girl! If the guy is able to have sex, he's able to make a consent decision.

            If a guy drinks way too much, he won't be able to perform. Therefor, he couldn't have been so drunk.

            On the other hand, Cheryl must realize that she is just losing her self-respect by taking him back every time he does stupid things like this.

  5. Lou says:

    Why would some randomly take naked pictures of themselves? They wouldnt it must have been intended for someone. But who…his Wife? Then why hasnt she seen these photo's? Why is she so baffled that he's taken them whilst laid in his bed. It looks to me as though Sexy pictures are the norm between the couple, so he must have been taking them for another. Sorry, Im not gullible enough to believe people take random pic's of themselves to admire, its a lame excuse! The guys been rumbled and his friend is taking the fall for him! How many friends wouldnt, its a guy thing. Its so blantant. If it was for his own narcissism then why not hold your phone out at arms length and take a picture of your body, Why laid in bed? Sorry is bloody ridiculous!

    • Tina says:

      She hasn't said anything on the photos, which could mean he did send them to her. And, I've taken stupid photos of myself to see. Other celebrities have as well. Just because *you* wouldn't doesn't mean it doesn't happen. The fact that he commented on the story at all is enough for me. He didn't say mum on the Aimee story, and, if he had done this and sent it to those girls, wouldn't his pr people come up with a better excuse? Sometimes the truth sounds weirder than a lie, but at least it's the truth

  6. Lilly says:

    HAHA! Both Ashley and Cheryl are tools. I don't know who's the bigger tool though. And I won't lie, I kinda want to see the pictures too. **hangs head in shame**

  7. Molly says:

    I love Ashley but that excuse is so dumb. Who sits in their room taking naked photos of themselves just to do it unless they are a bit vain lol. A five year old could make up a better excuse than that.

    • Tina says:

      But, the stupidity of his excuse is what makes it plausible. If he REALLY did send her those pictures, don't you think his people would have come up with a better excuse? He's admitted to taking them and not deleting them, something most people are guilty of. I sent my computer in for service with personal pictures on it. You just forget to delete things, especially if you forget you've taken them (drunken photos anyone?)

      Idk, I just think, if he really spoke to the girl 4 times, and did these photos, his people would have had a better excuse, or he wouldn't have commented, like he did for the Aimee thing. He never said a word about it.

      • Molly says:

        Yeah you make a good point. But I just can’t understand why he would take naked pictures of himself just for the fun of it. Like I understand the passing the phone off to someone else and forgetting to delete things because I had a pay as you go phone once too and I gave it to my cousin without deleteing anything from it. But it’s just the naked pictures part lol.

  8. kil says:

    Talk about bullsh*t!, so u just toke a naked photo for fun with no intention off, rite.

  9. balila says:

    I know it sounds bizarre but my feelings about ashley cole have changed. I feel sorry for him more than anything else- (never really liked cheryl after the toilet attendent incident, but did feel sorry for her after the cheating came out)I'm not excusing cheating, but there is just something about this whole pathetic nonsense that leaves me feeling empathetic. Maybe its the Chezza juggernaut being slam down our throats, imagine having to live with it?

  10. Linda says:

    Poor Cheryl? No way. They deserve each other.

  11. KW says:

    Hey! I’m neither a dealer, a cheater or a 10 year-old girl and my phone is PAYG! (I am broke however)

    But seriously, what an idiot he is.

  12. Samantha says:

    Once a cheater, always a cheater. This time it's hilarious b/c of his ridiculously lame excuses. Cheryl doesn't need him for his money, so I wonder why she stays with him…..she could have anyone she wanted and she chooses HIM?? She's a glutton for punishment perhaps. Anyway, they probably deserve eachother.

  13. At this point, Ashley and his shenanigans are just funny. What can you do but laugh? But I do NOT want to see the photos, thanks.

    I feel optimistic that he’ll be fit for the World Cup. Doctors always give worst case scenarios.

    • Tina says:

      I think he'll be fit, it's probably not as bad as the press are reporting. Papers sell faster with the stories of Terry v Wayne, will they or won't they play well together.

    • tammyv says:

      He is a left back with a broke left ankle. There is no need for a doctor to play up the possible worst-case scenario, the injury is the worst case scenario already.

      Best case scenario is three months recovery time

  14. Tina says:

    TBH, I think this is a publicity stunt for Cheryl. She has the brits this week, and a tour in a few months, why not toss your husband under the bus? She did it with the last affair, only talking about her "marriage" when she was promoting her album, single, or tour.

    Her marriage is falling apart, people sympathize for her, so they vote for her to win an award. The press will vote for her to see if she thanks Ashley, and morons will vote for her because she's too pretty to have two heartaches in a week. Poor Cheryl.

    And, you may think I'm being cruel, but, how can you have a marriage with a man who travels, and you're never in the same place for more than a day or two? Her marriage is completely cosmetic, it's for show. She's probably laughing at everyone for pitying her, while she's counting her money.

    • Lamps' babe says:

      I agree with you,their marriage it's just a show..and he looks always out of place in the pics with her,always with a face that says:the pic is done can I go now?

      • Tina says:

        I wouldn't be shocked if HE left HER first. I mean, what has their marriage done for him? She got X Factor, and a number one album off his back. All he's gotten is a bad name and half the country hating him. He's got less to lose if he leaves than she does. She'd lose her scapegoat and free ticket to the papers.

    • Elin says:

      i’m agree with you completely

  15. Shipra says:

    Ashley bores and disgusts me. I exdpected nothing better from him. He is such a "I don't know what'', He bores me so much. God, he's disgusting to look at too. he keeps making these sillyexcuses, knowing very well that no one will believe him. What can you say about such people?! And yeah, I certainly do not want to see the photos! YUCK!

  16. imhereforthenando says:

    I guess that they wanted to prove that this world cup, they could get more bad publicity than their WAGs.

    Well done, boys.

  17. Erin says:

    At this point, I just want to slap sense into all these WAG's. These are not surprises, isolated incidents or first times. Have some self respect and get the eff out! Toni…Cheryl…are you listening?

  18. HiL says:

    this is seriously disturbing. this is what he does on his spare time, when he is alone. god.

    poor Cheryl!