January 18th, 2011
Faceballs: A Scientific Breakthrough
VVV-Venlo’s Maya Yoshida demonstrates gameplay with the new ‘Faceball’. Good, huh? Image via marca.com
Rarely do we have the opportunity to offer thanks to the powers that be in football for addressing the issues that matter to us. We’re still waiting for the ruling that abolishes base layers, for a start.
But we are thrilled to announce that FIFA have taken note of our concerns involving the faces of our beautiful players and implemented a brand new technique to prevent the need for those pesky zorro masks. You know, the ones that totally impede our ability to enjoy a game of football and make us feel a bit weird about perving over superheroes.
‘Faceballs’ is a cutting edge technology, developed by scientists intent on maximising the available pretty in football. From the start of the 2011/12 season, all professional players will be required to superglue one of these specially designed balls to their face during game time to avoid those pesky impact injuries.
Although testing has demonstrated that players initially struggle with balance and vision, it is believed that the beneficial aspects such as collisions on the pitch not resulting in fractured anterior walls of right maxillary sinuses (left) will outweigh any negative effects on less important aspects of the game as goal scoring, tackling and running. (Reuters/Daylife)
Rejoice, Kickettes! Your ability to enjoy football has been safeguarded for the future!
NOTE: Rumours that Cristiano Ronaldo has been working with Gucci to develop his own brand faceball cannot be confirmed at this time.