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Biggest breaking news of the year

OCT16DOLCEADFabio Cannavaro’s package situ

Learning that this man’s package overwhelmed five others guys in the D&G shot was simply overwhelming. Once we realized that the Photoshop powers that be have barred us from ever seeing the real image, we were finito.

june8berbaDimitar Berbatov becomes a father

Not only did we learn that our headband hero had a girlfriend, but we discovered they were also expecting a baby shortly thereafter. Gutted. Don’t keep us in the dark like that again, Dimi.

may28nandoFernando Torres gets married in secret

Fer & Olalla were married in a parentless, secret affair using the Champions League Final media charade as a smokescreen. Stealth. Stealth and freckled.

feb16franklampardelenrives_split_end_relationshipFrank and Elen break up:

The end of an era for Frank and Elen. Contrary to many tabloid reports, our sources tell us Frank was the one to call it a day. Either way, we’re still not over it. Wonder why Frankie didn’t put a ring on it.

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