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Style Icon for the Visually Challenged

A lifetime achievement recognition for the men that get dressed in the dark.


What’s there to say about the Real Madrid star who headed back to the singles block in 2009? He wears waistcoats, braces (suspenders) and man-bags without a trace of irony. He’s our first – and only – Style Off competitor pitted against themselves.

And, indeed, everyone’s favourite Ellen lookylikey shows admirable resolve in the face of fashion: with all those wonderful clothing options at his disposal he is still able to find things like… this. How many men do you know that ensure they have fully coordinated their outfit with their car keys?

2008 bonus: “This pic is sort of how I picture Kickette headquarters.”

shangaysergSergio Ramos:

God love him, The Ramos is everyone’s the style-challenged gift that just keeps on giving. Similar to a case-carrying extra from Desperado, he has a wide ranging collection of man bags and Louis Vuitton luggage. Lest we forget his recent modeling stints for Shangay and Disney.

Still not sold? Okay, take this: he wears green jeans. And not once in any of the photos we perused of him in his favoured pink polo shirts do we see him doing anything remotely macho.

What’s a fashion-forward Kickette to do with a mess of a mandal-man like Sergio? You breathe deeply. You remind yourself of his toned abs and seriously robust rump. Then you jump on him. Afterwards, head to Selfridges.

cisseDjibril Cisse:

Just once we’d like Djibril to go for an “understated” look to see what he comes up with. (Ed note:this counts as understated.)

The problem with a nominee such as Mr. Cisse is there are too many technicolor sweatpants and shoes to choose from. When we asked what sort of pre-party conversation was held in the Cisse household prior to clothing choices such as these, one reader responded, ‘I don’t think it’s so much “conversation” that they have while getting dressed as it is “liquor”.’ Tru fax.

And when there was a fleeting moment where you couldn’t get your House of Cisse Style Horrors, he debuted a clothing line. With his face and bleached blond mohawk, mustache and beard on it. Indeed, one might argue that Djibril’s commitment to unique should be celebrated and congratulated. Go right ahead. But you’ll be talking to yourself.

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