May 12th, 2010

Federico Macheda: Man-Child Or Man And Child?

Kiko Macheda and baby

You read it here first, Kickettes.

Federico Macheda, he of 18 years of earth-walking experience, is a father. Although no details are available to confirm the 4 W’s and 1 H of this story, we do know the fresh-out-of-the-oven baby girl is named Natalya Stefani.

No, former fiancee Martina Minafra is not 50% responsible for this wee little tadpole’s creation. Her blissful period sadly ended almost as dramatically as it began. Recall: that this young couple’s run at glory began while canoodling in public. Around the same time that Macheda was rumoured to be dating Sophie Houghton.

Continuing our valiant connect-the-dots efforts, you should also remember that glamour model Sophie once wisely spoke out about Macheda’s cheating Italian stallion ways:

“I could hear all these Italian girls laughing in the background and was like, ‘Do you think I’m stupid, Kiko?’… There’s no way he could have me back if he tried. I’ve deleted him off Facebook, MSN and my BlackBerry messanger. He’s been erased from my life….”

…but obviously not her bedroom. Our sources confirm that Houghton and Macheda are the actual parents of this child.

So back to the baby and Kiko’s carrying techniques. What’s impressive here is the Manchester United striker’s ability to “high-five” one of the Old Trafford security guards with ease and Vulcan death grip the infant in the other palm (Ed note: “other palm” could be his or his third arm. Our jury’s still out). Compare and contrast with Fernando Torres back in his pre-Nora days.

Equally surprising, and somewhat depressing for one member of the Kickette staff, is the baby’s full head of hair. If you missed the baby shower like we did, why not send a belated Chi Hair Straightener? Ironically, this multi-faceted hair tool can be shared by all family members.

We joke, but we love babies and are happy to welcome a new one to the footy universe. Congrats!

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29 Responses to “Federico Macheda: Man-Child Or Man And Child?”

  1. aps says:

    The baby is gorgeous! Love the full head of hair!

  2. clare says:

    im shocked ive published this story in all newspapers by the way :) the sun called me this morning :)

  3. KatiGaray says:

    footballers of today are so crazy i mean Pato getting married at such a young age, and now Macheda with a baby at 18 or whatever. oh well a baby is a blessing no matter what, so hopefully himm and the baba have much happiness!!!!!

  4. Senorita Iniesta says:

    This definitely goes straight to the top of the new
    *Kickette WTF moments*.

    I’m shocked.

  5. CR_9_Lady says:

    The baby is as cute as Kiko is *.*
    Now I will call him ‘man’ and not ‘child’ anymore ;)

  6. clare says:

    he should of put something on the end of it :) ha

  7. C16 says:

    WTF?

    The baby is so pretty though.

  8. Molly says:

    Poor baby Natayla looks scared that she is going to fall out of his hands lololol :) !! But congrats to Fredrico and the baby is beautiful. I love babies with tons of dark hair!! :)

  9. klyn312 says:

    Kiko and I share a birthday… but as I am exactly 18 years oldererrum, i mean, more experienced than him, I could actually be his…older sister…

    UGH. I need a drink. This could hypothetically be my grandchild?!!?? Say it ain’t so and then pass the chocolates please. I’m too young to be a nan.

  10. livv4footy says:

    no. im sorry, i do not believe it. actually i refuse to believe it.

    houghton is a hoe and if he didn't realise it then hes stupid.

    … but he's still Kiko and i refuse to believe this with out him coming out on Sky Sports or an exclusive Kickette interview saying "Yes, that is my child" and showing some kind of appropriate and legit paperwork.

    • jane says:

      I had the same feeling as you and love what you say!!! Would make a good interview as breaking news….. hehe :) but on kickette though.

  11. afizaa says:

    I’ve never really fancy him(i mean NEVER!!…really..!!)but now..since he got a baby…especially a daughter..my feeling seems to change….
    There’s something sexy about a Man (usually i call him Kid..but, he got a kid of his own now…so man is more appropriate) holding/fathered a baby girl and being proud about it….Im weird..I know..

  12. Merel says:

    What?!

  13. Alisha says:

    I knew it!! Congrats Kiko…i’m kinda glad you’ve been a whore ;)

  14. Ella says:

    I'm stunned! Kids having kids….I wish good luck to ALL of them.

  15. cr9 lover says:

    didn't his father have him at this exact same age, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He is not exactly a superstar yet, and i don't he will be with those looks and that nose, but yeah the baby absolutely cute.

  16. Homeskillet17 says:

    that hair cut is doing nothing for his nose…..but cute bubba! awwwww!

  17. I love newborns with lots of hair! Isn't it a sign of something? Spicy foods whilst pregnant?

    Anyway, Kiko seems like a very proud pappa, and I'm assuming Ms. Houghton and her solicitor will ensure he remains fiscally responsible, so good luck to all. Eighteen is awfully young though. Should have kept the Ferrari in a covered garage, Kiko!

    • Missy Manchester says:

      lmao "covered garage".

      *thinks Kiko should have been ticketed for speeding and/or reckless driving*

  18. Redstar says:

    Lmao!

    I can't believe he's a father. I can't stop laughing I'm literally cracking up.

  19. Bria says:

    i'm confused…..think i need some drinks in order to help me process this one…..seriously!!

  20. Lucy says:

    poor kid… (I mean the baby not Kiko)

  21. ilovenemanjavidic says:

    actually, now i look at it, maybe he is?

    oh lord this is confusing!

    • afizaa says:

      it’s him holding her….the women got rings on both of her hand(i’ve seen her hand in another pic)

  22. ilovenemanjavidic says:

    it's not him holding the baby, the woman stood next to him is the one holding her.

    took me a minute to figure that one out.