May 12th, 2010
Federico Macheda: Man-Child Or Man And Child?
You read it here first, Kickettes.
Federico Macheda, he of 18 years of earth-walking experience, is a father. Although no details are available to confirm the 4 W’s and 1 H of this story, we do know the fresh-out-of-the-oven baby girl is named Natalya Stefani.
No, former fiancee Martina Minafra is not 50% responsible for this wee little tadpole’s creation. Her blissful period sadly ended almost as dramatically as it began. Recall: that this young couple’s run at glory began while canoodling in public. Around the same time that Macheda was rumoured to be dating Sophie Houghton.
Continuing our valiant connect-the-dots efforts, you should also remember that glamour model Sophie once wisely spoke out about Macheda’s cheating Italian stallion ways:
“I could hear all these Italian girls laughing in the background and was like, ‘Do you think I’m stupid, Kiko?’… There’s no way he could have me back if he tried. I’ve deleted him off Facebook, MSN and my BlackBerry messanger. He’s been erased from my life….”
…but obviously not her bedroom. Our sources confirm that Houghton and Macheda are the actual parents of this child.
So back to the baby and Kiko’s carrying techniques. What’s impressive here is the Manchester United striker’s ability to “high-five” one of the Old Trafford security guards with ease and Vulcan death grip the infant in the other palm (Ed note: “other palm” could be his or his third arm. Our jury’s still out). Compare and contrast with Fernando Torres back in his pre-Nora days.
Equally surprising, and somewhat depressing for one member of the Kickette staff, is the baby’s full head of hair. If you missed the baby shower like we did, why not send a belated Chi Hair Straightener? Ironically, this multi-faceted hair tool can be shared by all family members.
We joke, but we love babies and are happy to welcome a new one to the footy universe. Congrats!