February 5th, 2009

Quick Hits: Babies, Boobies and Bedtimes

imageAlex Gerrard is advising girls to wait until they’re older before getting a boob job. (Alex went under the knife at eighteen.) Her reasons for waiting? Because “your body changes so much after you have kids,“ and, much more importantly,“it can be harder to find clothes to fit you, so think long and hard before you do it.“

Two minutes in, and already Andrei Arshavin is making women nationwide swoon with his statements of equality. Apparently, he’s stated that all women should have their driving licenses revoked.  Oh, dear. When will the cute and pocket-sized learn to sit inside their little Louis Vuitton carrier bags and stay quiet until we let them out for a treat and a run around the park? Never mind we’ll just watch him warble a little bit on the karaoke machine and all will be well again.

Abigail Clancy is ready to have lots of little Crouchies running around. Friends say Abbey thinks she can juggle her career with a child because she has great family support and her relationship with Portsmouth’s Peter Crouch is rock solid. They’ve already chosen a name if they have a baby girl: Perdita. Yup, it’s the dog from 101 Dalmations. 

Finally, something that makes sense about the Fernando Torres infomercial ride of shame: it’s all a hoax. As one of our astute commenters, Jesús, let us know yesterday, the hair salon, doggie jumping and tennis advertisement vids are all part of a campaign for a Spanish bank. We’re seriously impressed with Nando’s sense of humour. But a little deflated that he’s not actually this adorkable.

It’s a topic near and dear to our hearts: ballers at bedtime. What thoughts run through their minds while they toss and turn in their money-filled beds, with nothing but a pair of designer tightie-whities on? Sometimes it’s best not to know.

Obviously inspired by our newest F5 member, Yoann Gourcuff, Alex Williams of Ayr United takes his shirt off, kisses the referee and gets booked. This is exactly what’s wrong with refereeing today. Their blatant anti-topless bigotry.

Cheryl Cole has been offered a book deal to write a series of romantic fiction novels aimed at young women. Amount of money up for grabs to put her adventures down in ink? £5 million pounds in advance fees. The recession is obviously only for those without writing talent nor attractiveness.

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22 Responses to “Quick Hits: Babies, Boobies and Bedtimes”

  1. Der Lutscher says:

    gosh, didn't Arshavin have anything more interesting to say to press, maybe smth football-related, no? it might be untrue of coz, but knowing him and, let's be honest, just looking at his facial expression, somehow, it might be just the beginning… p.s. can't understand men who are blabbing about what kind of women do they fancy when they have a girl and two kids. i know it's just how men are, but i think if you have someone that serious as the mother of your kids you should just say: i like her.

  2. Baby Freya (Mrs Arbe says:

    I'm amazed Alex knows how to work that ticket machine….! I do however love her outfit (Y) I'm totally love how teh Nando commercial obsession is just one big hoax….well, he totally ahd me! Do I have gullible written across my forehead?!

  3. Dee13 (mrs m metze) says:

    wow, if that’s true, i already do not like arshavin.. that was quick… just hope he shuts the hell up and just scores for the gunners… crikey, and after all that trouble to get that knob… >:>:

    btw, that vid of that scottish player is cute.. :)

  4. Kylah (twinyk) says:

    Okay, I don't think I would want the name Perdita. Just my opinion though. Alex, really…is it that hard to find clothes that don't fit big chests? I have numerous friends who have no problem finding clothing that fits AND covers.

  5. aristeia says:

    Alex looks like she’s being mauled by a pomeranian.

    The baller kissing the ref was adorable!

    I have to agree Kickette, love Nando’s sense of humor… slightly sad that he’s just not a goofy sweetheart who’ll help anyone out.

  6. boo says:

    omg! most of the ideas behind this post are so disturbing: hypocrisy, discrimination (if he said that about gay or black ppl…), child service should keep a close eye on Abby, Fer is such a whore(ain't complaining here), C-Ron: 'it was a foul, everybody hates me', Becks: 'hair, skin products, tattoo' , and you're not allowed to touch the referee. and Cheryl can…err..totally write the romantic stories, i'm sure she has experience there (first abusive boyfriend, the the husband that judging by what the skank described-hair pulling, spanking *wriggles eyebrows*). keep'em coming

  7. FootballerChick43 - says:

    Wow, Alex. Great advice there. Psht.Jeez, Arshavin. That has got to be a record.On Abigail Clancy, I actually like the name but thats probably because I've never seen 101 Dalmatians.On the Torres ads, I knew they were too horrible to be real, lol.That link to what ballers think at bedtime may be the funniest thing I will see all day. Genius.On Alex Williams, wow. Note to self: never kiss a referree.On Cheryl Cole, wow.

  8. Susie says:

    So, how many muppets had to die for Alex’s handbag?

    And RuPaul called; he’s like his heels back.

    Ugh, the woman really has no style.

    As for Abi and Peter C, I think the name is somewhat strange. In French and Portuguese, “Perd” is the root of the verb lost, so Perdita sounds like “the little lost one” to me.

    Odd choice.

  9. Blaugrana says:

    I love Nando’s commercials -that guy has a sense of humour! Hopefully we get more of these…

    And Alex Williams -simply adorable!

  10. YGB says:

    I’ve only recently been made aware of this site and I luvs it! Totally luvs it!

    NEwho, uh, Cheryl Cole won’t be gettin any money from me!

  11. aistl says:

    Perdita is the name of the heroine of a Shakespeare play, it's not just the name of a dog.

  12. LizB (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

    Well yes, I realise it's in Shakespeare, but not very many of the kid's friends will know that. They'll just know about the dalmations. If she's going to go for Shakespeare it might be better if she didn't use a name that has unfortunate pop culture references to dogs.

  13. LizB (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

    I can't get past Abby wanting to name her daughter Perdita. That and Arshavin's ridiculousness. Just in general. Really Perdita?!

  14. autumnmaple101 says:

    Perdita…quite a..cute name I suppose.

  15. carly says:

    Oh dear, if there's someone who should NOT write romantic fiction for young women that is Cheryl COLE. What on earth are they thinking? LOL @ the night thoughts of footballers Somehow I don't think the words little and Crouch will ever go together, not even in newborns. haha And also: I don't think the video on the link corresponds to that player being sent off.

  16. carly says:

    Oh dear, if there's someone who should NOT write romantic fiction for young women that is Cheryl COLE. What on earth are they thinking? LOL @ the night thoughts of footballers Somehow I don't think the words little and Crouch will ever go together, not even in newborns. haha And also: I don't think the video on the link corresponds to that player being sent off.

  17. lose that girl says:

    Perdita is a real name…for people. Not everyone can be called Susan. Can you imagine?lose that girl blog

  18. Dreamgirl says:

    What is THAT on her arm???? *runs and searches for nit comb*And Cheryl? Why not. Move over Jane Austen.

  19. Becca says:

    Alex Williams ! Haha, Kissing The Referee, Hes A Brave, Brave Man.
    Predita? Are You Serious?
    I Like Alex’s Outfit There :)
    Baller Bedtimes Haha ! Made Me Laugh!

  20. jax says:

    Perdita is in Shakespeare’s ‘A Winter’s Tale’ – it’s pronounced Purrdit-ta not Purdeeta – quite pretty, I think.

  21. justlikexabi says:

    can’t believe Arshavin said that stupid thing. what??? if it’s true, I would be really disappointed.

  22. lose that girl says:

    Oh there is just too much to comment on here.

    Alex….it’s harder to find clothes to fit your genormous fake boobs. Seriously? She just lets them tumble out most of the time. The article I read yesterday (Daily Mail, I think) had several pix of her just spilling over. I thought that was the look she was after?

    The lovely Abbey & Peter…naming a sprog after a cartoon pup? Perdita is also the name of a very well respected and many trophied Canadian track and field star. So there. Personally, I like going the other way. Giving dogs people names.

    Cheryl Cole — yet another silly non-talent with a book deal. Makes real writers cringe.

    The rest, don’t really care about. That silly new Arsenal fella can go jump.

    lose that girl blog