November 19th, 2010

Finest 5 Revamp: Kickettes, It’s Marco’s Way Or The Highway

You see, Kickettes, we’re really just conduits – no, pawns – in the fight for good vs.evil.

Remember when Bad Borri failed to triumph against the forces of good in the last F5 battle? We were distraught. Devastated, even. How could a creature of such astonishing beauty (left) and downright manliness not have a place in the most relevant rundown of football player hotness since… well, the Hot Hall of Fame? [Image at left: Bellazon]

True to our spoiled brat form, we’re rebelling. There’s only so much wholesome goodness a bunch of hungover bishes can take. Any guy who spends as much time rolling about exposing his rampant hotness on these hallowed pages totes deserves his day in the Kickette boudoir sun.

NEW RECRUITS

Marco Borriello, AS Roma

To quote ZZ Top, “Women Go Crazy ‘Bout a Sharp Dressed Man”.

Welcome Marco, we’re extremely pleased to see you. Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. Be a good sport and keep it up.

‘Fraid you’ll have find a limo for the trip back to your place, though. Kickette ladies’ blow outs and motorbikes do not mix.

Pepe Reina, Liverpool FC

In light of our recent ‘misunderstanding/terrorist threat’ issue with FedEx, you might think it a little soon to be introducing Pepe Reina to the F5 list. We’re not exactly noted for our self control where this man is concerned, after all.

But if a shopping cart-bearing, bubba bouncing, drunk on the phone to his mama lump of man meat like Peps does not qualify for a place in this list of list, what the hell kind of list is it?! We’ve done our research, and now that the flexibility issues have been sorted, we pledge to pursue the man with renewed vigour.

Restraining and enforcement orders allowing, of course.

Joe Hart, Manchester City FC

This one is about as obvious as our presence at a champagne and Louboutin convention. When Joe Hart is discussed at Kickette HQ, you can cut the estrogen with a knife. The levels of lust this man conjures up is detrimental to our health and well-being.

To make matters worse, Joe knows this. We think his cheeky smirk while flashing us his boxer briefs and furry man thighs was launched at us like a scud missle, hell-bent on demolishing our lady parts. He’s practically triple-dog-daring us not to put him in the F5. Our lack of willpower here is pathetic, frankly.

Other key points to note: Mr. Hart has a body we would like to use as a jungle gym and he knows how to party. Swilling lager and liquor straight from the source? That’s the kind of man we’d be proud to bring home to our Mums. If you still aren’t convinced, please redirect your undivided attention here, where he can been seen dancing in a very tight pair of shorts.

We need to towel off.

TIME TO HIT THE SHOWERS

Yoann Gourcuff, BordeuxNemanja Vidic, Manchester United; Xabi Alonso/Real-ly Hot Madrid

Why are we relegating them off this list?! What is our crap selection criteria to determine player removal and is this system more screwy than Floridians executing an election recount?!

Before you freak and burst a gizzard, we assure you that we do not take decisions of this magnitude lightly. Therefore, how we arrived at our revised F5 list boiled down to four main points:

1. Xabi Alonso has been bringing out his inner-Bond, and we found that too much to resist. Thus, it’s time for him to move on up the food chain and over to the Hot HOF. Hope you don’t mind.

2. Fernando Torres is going to be a father again soon – this time to a baby boy – and we find that even harder to resist. Also, his commitment to keeping his hair cute must be acknowledged.

3. Oh, Yoann. We love you like a debt-collection agency loves a D-list WAG. But we’re fickle. And we want you to change your hair. And we just couldn’t quit Cesc yet.

4. Because we said so.

Go on, we know you have something to say about this. We’ve got our bullet-proof vests and stun guns ready.

See our Finest Five

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202 Responses to “Finest 5 Revamp: Kickettes, It’s Marco’s Way Or The Highway”

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  2. The truth will come out eventually and it will either be so overly complex or so entirely simple that we'll all be wrong. My only two cents (as in the conclusion I came to after about 5 seconds) is that the mom wants nothing to do with his tabloid draw and would much prefer her privacy, and thus is saying,

  3. The Scientist says:

    Joe Cole is foul. FACT. That is all.

    • The Scientist says:

      Ah crap. I'm so verklempt Yoann's gone I'm just slagging random people. Joe HART is foul. That's the correct fact. I'm going to go sit in a dark room and silently cry now.

  4. mimi says:

    Why did you remove Yoann? O_o
    Seriously…

  5. Sienna says:

    YOANN GOURCUFF'S OFF. REALLY ?!
    for Joe..who exactly?

    oh you've sold yourself pretty short there.

  6. Winnie Mata says:

    to all those complain about El Ramos' snub from the FF this time around
    i will say THIS: maybe this will discourage future heartbreaking haircuts!
    i'm sure if mah babeh still looked like this: http://ecodiario.eleconomista.es/imag/europapress…

    instead of what he looks like now, he might have (deservedly) been included!

    once his lustrous locks go back to normal, anything more than an inch off at a time shall be considered SACRILEGIOUS! learn your lesson now my boy!

    short hair on you equals own goals and no FF position!

  7. Winnie Mata says:

    Fernando Torres? please. he is SO last year.

  8. livealittle says:

    i mostly approve of this list. i fully approve of xabi being moved to hot H.O.F. he totz deserves it. and i love pepe, i think he's 1187234891723098471 kinds of adorbs. i'm kinda ambivalent towards marco though, but, overall…i don't hate it.

  9. FloraJane says:

    LOL! My own Finest list wouldn't include ANY of these guys, but there's a baller for everyone I guess!

  10. A guest says:

    Pepe Reina is THE hottest man ever, he is handsome, hot and dame macho

  11. C16 says:

    WHAT IS THIS KICKETTE????? You've let me down, you've really let me down. You don't even consultated with the crowd…..?? And Yoyo off the list. This is mad…
    Such a f*****g disgrace, as Didier Drogba would say!!!

  12. SpanishFootieLover says:

    Disagree with Pepe. UGH AND EW GERARD PIQUE!!!

  13. [...] to take AC Milan three points clear at the top of Serie A. Marco Borriello celebrated his entry into the latest Kickette Finest Five list with a goal in Roma’s 2-0 win over Udinese, but Inter suffered their second defeat in two [...]

  14. ana says:

    but honestly: i've just seen that cescy is JUST no 4!!! like wtf?! first you got rid of yoann ;( and now cescy just no 4??! he should be freaking no 1!!!! wth is wrong with you? xD

  15. Ana says:

    weeeell… xabi at the hof: okay… yoann: wtf?! xD well, i dont mind anything but cesc has to stay there foreeeeveeeer because he is to so hooot Imma die… xDD

  16. MrsFigo says:

    Marco mi amorrrrrrr <3 he is gorgeous and has always deserved to be in this!!!!

    Yoann out?????????? :O :O:O no way!!!!!!!! he is one of the fittest 'ballers out ;) he should be back…… Yoann should be there over Reina……

    but back to the subject….. ooooft Marco <3 good choice

    FORZA INTER <3

  17. captaine anja says:

    well… Borriello okay, but Pepe, Joe, Fabregas and Torres no, no, no. Not my type of guys… but why should I moan about your desicion kickette? I can appreciate my boys all by myself. you lose, kickettes!!! :) and I say: hi vida, hi ibra: feeling alone and abandoned today? don't, Anja is here to comfort you….! :D

  18. Mrs.FernandoTorresAustralia says:

    NANDO AND PEPE…THANK GOODNESS :)

  19. graciela says:

    eww Reina, really? His face is ugh, especially in juxtaposition to Borri. And no more Vidic? I'm dying a little inside.

  20. My Hart Will Go On says:

    To be fair, all of you who are moaning about the changes need to be a bit more considerate. We've been campaigning long and hard to get Joe on that list. Just because he looks hot in his clothes and isn't smothered in baby oil and fake tan like a load of football players, people are criticising. Doesn't it say something about the hotness of someone when they look amazing with most of their clothes on? Other than flashing his boxers in a car park and the dancing video, there haven't been many Joe Hart flesh sightings, so us fans have to make do with what we get. In light of that, I think he fully deserves his place! (And when we finally do get more revealed to us, WOW-just wow!)

    • chelsea says:

      i completely agreee.
      i mean his diff from all the other players on this list…i mean i hate all the tanned footballers i see nothing in them…buh i love joe i think hes really cute and pretty hot so people should stop criticizing the poor guy
      and yesss he does deserve his place speacially cuz of that smile, the arse and those legs <33

  21. HannaLiz says:

    Uhhhh…I disagree! Your old HOF was perfectly fine the way it was. Nando and Sex so low? And while Pepe is sexy, he's hardly no.2. And Joe Hart…no….not really. At all. Especially without Xabi or Yoann…tsk tsk…Iker deserves to be in there, too. Kickette!! Revision is needed.

  22. Mel says:

    i <3 Kickette!!!! Finally

  23. ginge says:

    No, really ladies, you are soo re-including Yoann and kicking off pepe. Unless you wanna see a riot.

  24. sheila says:

    lol

  25. sheila says:

    so… How on this green earth does Gourcuff get kicked off this list by Joe Hart? The others are interchangable, but JH does not deserve this placement. Sure, he showed us his tushy, but, c'mon Kickettes, you should be able to see through that kind of pandering. It was an obvious ploy to win votes, but he has done nothing beyond that to prove his worthiness. Bring back the Lashes!!! Who's with me???!!!

    • chelsea says:

      ummm no oneee…jus uu n urself
      so hav fun wit that

    • endlessinfinity says:

      I’m definitely with you as is about 80% of the othe posters. Yoann needs to be re-included. Or he needs a better replacement than Joe Hart.

    • kimberley says:

      ummm k sheila y don u jus be quiet and stop hatin on hart…cuz im pretty sure hes much better look than u'll ever get so giv him a break n chillax alrite???

  26. Clare says:

    Totally agree xabi alonso deserves to be in the hot HOF, but seriously… pepe reina over yoann gourcuff?? and still no gerard pique!? shocked and appalled…

  27. Hema says:

    omg. why does it look like im the only one whose severely depressed that vida is no longer there!!!!! yes, he doesnt show his sexy thighs often enough but lets face it, there can be no replacement for the hot robot with his sexy broken nose!

  28. endlessinfinity says:

    I’m loving Marco’s inclusion and Xabi’s promotion to the HHoF but that’s about it. Pepe is hot and I can understand why he’s included but he’s not my type. I don’t understand Joe Hart’s appeal at all. If Yoann HAD to go, IMO, Fernando Llorente or Sergio Ramos would’ve been much better additions . I’m glad that Cesc’s still there at least.

  29. Taylor says:

    can you PLEASE give nando a little more credit. last on the list? :(

    that’s unacceptable!!

  30. Tasty Torres #9 says:

    I mean come on, why has it taken so long to get Borriello? That man is walking sex! But Torres….i can’t get enough…i think I’m drooling…

  31. I'd suggest a F10 list, but that probably wouldn't help… somebody would always be left out… an f5 list in a different sport might be easier ;)

  32. beach chick says:

    Wait, how can you have Joe and Pepe over Yoann? If anybody else should be on this list, its Gerard Piqueeee and also Yoann should have stayed!!! Bad kickettes, bad.

  33. Sil says:

    I vote for a TOP 10. It's easy, I can't decide… I can't even decide who's my Spanish NT TOP 5!!!

  34. ToffeeGirl17 says:

    What about Tim Cahill?! Vidic overthrew him so Cahill should get a place. How much more skin does that man have to show to get onto the F5 list Kickette? He shows you his abs regularly already. My poor Australian! How could you do that to him?!

    NSNO,
    ToffeeGirl17

  35. Zahara says:

    where is sergio ramos???
    and geri pique???

    WHY IS XABI OUT??he should be in both finest five and HHOF…for me, i think he is one of the sexiest men alive!!why is yoann out??and why is joe hart in?? im sorry, but i completely fail to see the hotness in joe hart….dont kill me please..lol

    on the bright side…pepe is in!!woohoo!!

    also, nice one about getting borrielo in and taking vidic out!

    it is criminal to put nando and cescy after joe hart! CRIMINAL!

    • Zahara says:

      uhoh, sorry ..didnt see xabi was already in HHOF… the xabi issue is resolved with you, kickette…now the rest…THIS IS WAR,,,lol

  36. LaRojaFan says:

    Uhhm… WHAT HAPPEND TO YOANN!!!! surely there is no one that can possibly think Joe Hart is hotter than Yoann its just uncomprehendible!!!!

    why are you doing this to us Kickette? WHY?!?!?!

  37. Becky says:

    we need bale and sergio on this list !
    but I'm glad joe is on there, hes a fitty :)

  38. Beccy says:

    WHAT?! NO MORE VIDIC?! YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY!
    I also reckon gareth bale should be on here.
    he is FIT. :)

  39. stefanie says:

    OMGGG yourrr comment is pissing me off like honeslty joe hart is not goin anywhere…he is the most beautiful human being on this list and sergio ramos can go bak to spain we don need him here at kickette

    • Kristine says:

      EWWWWWWW… Joe Hart actually grosses me out.

    • senora ramos says:

      what are you 12? hart is cute. but not finest 5 material. hell, even w/o sergio on the list, there are many, MANY more deserving people. but kickette has put kasper on the list before, so this is just the flavor of the week for them. but chill a little, kay?!

  40. hannah says:

    cesc…yay!!! he deserves his place rightly so with no reason needed!!!!!!

  41. Kristina says:

    Sorry, but I really don't like Borriello. I don't like his version of macho manliness. Take Puyol instead. Now there is a truly manly man with heart and guts. Watch and learn Marco, watch and learn!

    • N says:

      I think Borri is hot, but I agree that Puyi is hotter.

      The F5 could do with his inclusion, he is ALL MAN and believes covering up is for pussies (I've never seen him in a long-sleeved jersey even when they play in freezing cold, and he got the abs out for Marie Claire, which was just fab ).

  42. Candy says:

    Marco should also be #1 in the Hot H.o.F. He should be the #1 on every HOTT player list.

  43. Annisa says:

    NO YOANN GOURCUFF??!!! what the hell? really, Kickette, REALLY? you definitely out of your mind! HE IS THE FINEST OF ALL!!

  44. Kangaroo says:

    Well I don't really like the changes made. So here's my own list, The Sexy Spanish 10: Bojan Krkic, Cesc Fabregas, David Villa, Fernando Llorente, Fernando Torres, Gerard Pique, Iker Casillas, Jesus Navas, Sergio Canales, Xabi Alonso. BTW: I put it in alphabetical order, to hard for me to choose what order to put these guys in. You can choose for yourself though. Notable Mentions: Pepe Reina, Sergio Ramos, Victor Valdes. In my opinion Spain have the hottest footballers.

  45. Sabrina says:

    Yay! I’m ECSTATIC that Marco is the #1 HOTTEST in the FINEST 5! Ay Marco makes the sun shine and my panties drop.

  46. Susan says:

    Apparently it was time to fill the F5 with MEN, not boys. Manly, testosterone fueled men, not metrosexuals who would have fun in the pedicure chair next to you. That's what fills the HHOF-men, not boys. And now the F5 as well. Although I still can't get on board with Cesc as manly…

    • Celeste says:

      Hehehe I agree, Nando and the other boys, thats what they are BOYS. Now Kickette has stepped it up with men this time around. Nando, Cesc and Gourcuff I really dont see the appeal in them at all, i dont consider them hot or manly.

  47. carla says:

    cristiano ronaaldoo GOD!!!!!!!!

  48. Elle says:

    This is the joke! How come Pepe or Joe Hart are hotter than Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo??? That list sucks! Yoann gourcuff is not also included in the list??? Come on, no one agrees to the list!!!!

  49. Trix says:

    "True to our spoiled brat form, we’re rebelling. There’s only so much wholesome goodness a bunch of hungover bishes can take".

    Who writes these stuff? LOL Its hilarious I love it!!

  50. piquetorresxabi says:

    well Pepe is REALLY hot, there's just something about him that makes me wild…
    and Xabi's graduation to the HHOF, its about time!!! ;D

  51. chefdi says:

    Well … all I have to say is that my blow-out will indeed survive a motorbike romp with Marco ~ c'mon Kickettes, you know you really feel the same way !

    • Emme says:

      I am going to have to agree with you about Marco & the motorbike. If I was on a motorbike with Marco or doing anything at all with Marco, the last thing I would be thinking about is my hair :)

  52. Guest says:

    Ok…so i have a solution. Why not create the Sensational Seven ? This can include Marco, Pepe, Joe, Cesc and Nando and allow Yoann to stay (because let's face it…it is a SIN to not have him!) then you could add Ramos. This way we are all HAPPY!

    • Anita says:

      i agree with you!! it would be an amazing solution!! :)
      besides Sensational Seven sounds cool!! lol

  53. laligaforladies says:

    You know, I was just wondering yesterday when you would post a new F5 (knowing you would include Pepe). So yay! But I'm going to have to agree with all these ladies – you MUST find a place for Yoann! I understand about the hair – I have my own list of 'ballers in hair purgatory (The Ramos, for one, though I fear this is as good as it gets for him), but surely Gourcuff would look good even in a mullet?

  54. Pam says:

    So HOTT Borriello. I agree Kickette that he is #1 in the FINEST five. What a HOTT ASS italian stallion

  55. aurelia says:

    Long time lurker

    Could not resist this thread tho. I am not a lashes fan. He’s too boring. Dating him would be candlelight and flowers. Sigh. Its nice for awhile then I start wondering why the flowers? What is he up to? Then I would check his cell phone. Lol. Boriello on the other hand would be 24 hour marathons and I wouldn’t have to call him back! Lol

  56. ANDO says:

    Ok so no Yoann??? I love you, ladies. but YOANN MUST COME BACK!
    And, I LOOVE pepe reina so bravo!
    Joe hart must be removed and Yoann must be back!!!!!

  57. Hanae says:

    Are you out of your minds, Kickettes ??? ….. NO YOANN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really, are you kidding ? that's a shame ..
    I don't care about haircuts, I want YO back :( (

  58. Cecilia says:

    Pepe Reina is sexy as hell and I'm happy other people see it.

  59. Emme says:

    omfg! I haven't been able to go on Kickette all day. I can't believe I missed this & I am soooo late for the party! My elation over Xabi's induction into HHOF is at the point where it almost cannot be contained! I knew it was just a matter of time!! Finally, Marco gets his due! finally, finally, finally!!!!!!!
    Completely approve of the appointment of Joe Hart to Finest Five, but wtf: Pepe Reina??? (disclaimer: I am not hatin' on Pepe. He is extremely fine) Have we forgotten about a certain hombre that goes by the name of Sergio Ramos??? His August haircut was the news event of the year!!! I am assuming there is a good reason for The Ramos' exclusion; however, since Pepe's fine & is a major DILF, I'll accept the decision with dignity.
    Any other Yankee Doodle Dandy Kickettes a little sad there is no Boca on this list? :)

    • senora ramos says:

      the day a yank makes the F5 list (and there are more than a few who could) is the day i die a happy woman :D

      • Emme says:

        I will second that!!! So many hottie Yanks. Boca, Benny Feilhaber, Gooch & Tim Howard are quality.

      • Ninjess says:

        Having a Yank on the list would be fun, but I console myself with the knowledge that the ranks are filled with men with fantastic accents.

  60. jamtart heart says:

    Good calls, Kickette!

    (I've never gotten the Gourcouff appeal, anyway; feel free to pelt with me with rotten fruit ).

  61. Boo says:

    Chill out guys, Yoann is about to get voted the hottest player in Ligue 1 anyways
    http://www.tetu.com/actualites/france/votez-pour-le-footballeur-le-plus-sexy-de-la-ligue-1-en-2010-18200

    And his move to Lyon did make him less pretty, that or his break-up with Chamakh.

  62. HAHA 'Cesc Upset About the F5' HAHAHAH Perfect picy :)
    What. What happened to Yoann being No. 1 in the F5 list..?
    Yoann Gourcuff..the most sexiest.. classiest.. modestest…good boyest..perfect husbandest man.! off the list.! Pepe Reina and Joe Hart.. what..! seriously.! they are good looking.. but they dont even compare to yoann!! :(
    …wa bout Sergio Aguero..? and his extreme cute little baby boy Benjamin..! (^_^)
    Must Not Ever Quit Cesc.

  63. lonelySTARSHINE says:

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

    Yoann forever!!!! Why, oh why did u do this kickette? :( ((((

  64. Amandinha_ says:

    you know… im not 100% happy with the list, I can think of a couple ballers who deserve to be up there more then Pepe Reina's sculp… But Marco and Nando make up for it!

  65. Anita says:

    No Yoann!!!! are you kiddin' me!?!?!? cuz if you are, it is not funny!!! =S
    i am happy that Borri joined but, no Yoann!!!! Seriously????? i am dying here!!!!

  66. Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

    Perhaps I shouldn't even open my mouth here, but Maco Borriello does nothing for me and neither does Yoann. Come to think of it, neither does Joe Hart. Marco has this manschauvinist air about him that turns me stone cold, and Yoann is a bit boring (forgive me, please!). At least Fernando is cute, and seems to be a good guy.

    The only one of the Finest Five that made my heart beat faster was Vida. But whatever rocks your boat, Kickette, is fine with me. And this is entertaining.

  67. mcgee says:

    Joe Hart has to go…….hes not hot.. i do not approve.

  68. littlegirl says:

    don't touch Yoann Gourcuff…well…you understand, i mean don't remove him from the list…
    mmmmm… touch Yoann Gourcuff…mmmmmm Sorry, i was lost in my thought!

  69. Liz says:

    YEAH that's right! Borrielloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

    This is such a momentous occasion!!! We should all go to Rome and a have a feast on Marco's abs!

  70. Kristine says:

    Joe Hart over SERGIO RAMOS! Are you kidding me? Joe Hart…NOT HOT. SERGIO…BLAZING HOT!

  71. Tash says:

    glaring omissions/mistakes – sergio and yoann…i may need to have an extra long session with my therapist because i'm confused :(

  72. ruby says:

    Out of the new list, I'd only do Marco. Poor choices, Kickette, very, very poor choices.

  73. Mel2505 says:

    Yoann??? :-(

  74. elylovesfootball says:

    OMG!!!! Lashes out of the list NOO
    This time is a BIG NO!! Because he should still be the first!!!
    Yoann out of the list!! i can't believe it.. i'm really disappointed

  75. juventina says:

    YAYYYYYYYY finally!!!! Hotness has been recognized and sense has been made on this grand day. Marco likes rebels ;) Good work ladies!

  76. @aristeia says:

    *stands up and starts the slow clap*

    Proud of you, Kickette.

    Also, the paragraph on Hart was so hilarious I actually choked on my laughter. A jungle gym, indeed.

  77. xbabyshakesx says:

    My two boys are on F5 4th and 5th?????
    *sigh*
    they are truly 1st and 2nd!!!!!!

  78. Laura says:

    Love it!! Heartily approve of Xabi's promotion to the HHOF. It just feels RIGHT, the kind of thing that leaves you thinking "wait, he wasn't already in the hall of fame?" And I am equally enthused about Pepe's entrance in the Finest Five! He is a BABE and I am madly in love with him and his sexy, brawny body.

  79. lisa says:

    Since when is Pepe hotter than Yoann? Putting him at number 2 is pushing it – especially with no Yoann.
    What? Did Yoann all of a sudden become not hot? lol

    I'm calling for a change in finest 5

  80. loves la roja says:

    I'm a little iffy about Joe Hart (he looks a lot like my cousin) but otherwise… LOVE IT ALL!!!!!!
    Also – v. pleased about Xabi's graduation. It was about time.

  81. starsarella says:

    lols ppl r funny. truth: fbrs r sexy i dont mind a little mixing it up at all. o and hart and marco. yum yum yum.

  82. Halle says:

    Ok i care about nothing else, but NO YOANN???? Cooooooome on! that is just plain wrong! Can we start a petition to get Yoann reinstated?

  83. Leya_S says:

    It was pretty much a given that Xabi would be moved over to the HHoF.

    Also, I fully support all decisions made concerning the F5. We all know there are A LOT of hot ballers, so its just time for a few new ones. J'adore Yoann Gourcuff, too, but can you deny the Pepe, Joe, and Marco lovers their sense of fulfillment?? Yoann, Vida, and Xabi are, of course, no less fabulous, but its just that these other three have been hardCORE steaming up the radar as of late, IMHO. There's more to being hot than being ridiculously good looking…Joey flashes his pants, Pepe plays with his kids, Marco papers the earth in beautiful pictures of himself…these guys are SELLING it…the others need to step up their game! I'm happy to see my lovely Spaniards dominating this list!! I'm dying for El Ramos to be there, but it's whatever, really. I have complete faith that he will get there eventually.

  84. HiL says:

    I don't fancy Pepe and Marco too much to be honest :P
    doesn't matter what Yoann will still be the most gorgeous one! :P

  85. aps says:

    Marco finally makes it! What a hit piece of specimen!

  86. Alik says:

    No Yoann?? Kickette – this is sacrilege…hope i got the word right coz am drunk with grief! Check his photos for the Lyon calendar. His beauty is unparalleled!

  87. Rachel says:

    A refresh was needed and even more needed was a spot for Marco on the list !:) Well done Kickette!

  88. kitty1979 says:

    MMMM Marco!

    Well done kickette,

    I just don't get the fascination with Nando ……………………..

  89. alia says:

    YOANNNN :(

  90. @Lyandra says:

    This list is perfect. And I'm glad Xabi been's moved to Hot HOF, he deserves it.

  91. Senora4 says:

    kickette ladieeeess….have u lost your (previously very smart) mind?!?!?!

    WHEREEEEE IS MONSIEUR YOOOAAAANNN???? how can pepe reina (ladies dont get me wrong but he aint no top5 IMO) replace him???? the ONLY excuse I would except is that he was also upgraded to the Hot HOF list like Xabi….any chance???

    and seriously senor SERGIO RAMOS should have entered and TOPPED this league/list, no? come on, he is REALLY trying his hardest (just remember the weekend gone by where he PURPOSELY exchanged his shorts so he could do a lil striptease for us, as he secretly knew about this list coming out this week!) he SURELY deserves recognition by now, NO?!?

    but one positive thing…at least my Captain 'Fantastic' Fabregaaaas is still in the list!!! representing my good-looking and gorgeous arsenal boys ;-)

  92. blake2108 says:

    Er… Where's my Gareth?

    Joe is the only fit one there. Fernando isn't hot anymore, and the rest never were. And Borriello top? Joking?

    • anna says:

      OMG ur the only person whos comment i approve wit like i mean idk y everyone is hating on joe?? like i mean hes so gorgeousss….n nando isnt hot anymore ur rite…n also wit marco he doesnt deserve 1st place..

  93. Senora4 says:

    Kickette ladieeees have u lost your (previously very smart) mind?!?!? WHEREEEE IS MONSIEUR YOAAAAANNNNN????how can pepe (don’t get me wrong ladies he is fine but not top5 imo) replace him???? The only excuse I would take is that he was also upgrade like Xavi was….any chance? And seriously Senora Ramos should have entered and topped this League, no? Come on he is really trying his hardest (just remember the weekend gone by where he on purposely exchanged he shorts so he could do a lil striptease for us as he secrectly knew about this list coming up) he surely deserves some recognition by now, NO?!?!?!?! But at least my Captain ‘Fantastic’ Fabregaaaaaaaaaaaasssss is still in the list!!! Representing my good looking and gorgeous Arsenal Boys ;-)

  94. MrsNesta says:

    WELL DONE MARCO, WELL DONE KICKETTE *whoop whoop*

    You know you made the right decision, just love it and love Marco. HE IS ONE HOT FELLA. I remember when me and some other Kickettes – Juventina5, Molly, ItaliaLoveJuve, SoMysterious and a few others (sorry if I haven't mentioned your name, shout me and let me know) we spent ages trying to convince people to vote for Marco because he so deserves it!!

    Next to join F5 is Fernando Llorente, come on Kickette give him a go :)

  95. MrsDiegoForlan says:

    I am APPALLED. So Yoann gets demoted? :(

  96. Senora4 says:

    Ladieeeeeees have u lost your (previous very smart) mind?!?!?!? WHEREEE IS YOAAAAAANNNN???? how can pepe

  97. Says_Who says:

    Great calls on the following:
    1) Adding Borriello to the list and about time too. Hip dips galore!
    2)Inducting Xabi "Bringing-Sexy-Back" Alonso to the H.H.o.F. I wholeheartedly agree with the fact that he's becoming too hard to resist lately. I would love to see him replace Daniel Craig in those James Bond movies any day!
    However, as much as I love/lust/fond over/dream/fantasize about Yoann and his lashes, he hasn't been doing much to keep his place on the Finest Five. He's still lush but the last time we saw some flesh from him was his medical examination for Lyon. Yes the current weather in France isn't exactly shirt-removal appropriate but should that stop him from living up to his coveted status as number one on the F5? I think not! I'm sure that once the weather warms up, he'll be back to his torso-showing ways and rightfully earn his spot on the list again. But in the meantime, let's hope/dream/fantasize/pray that the France NT will try some hot yoga in the future and some lucky fan will take a picture of him doing the downward dog pose in the studio.

    P.S. Kickette staff, you officially have the coolest job in the world!

  98. Aisha says:

    If you take Yoann of the list, I will actually burn you alive.

  99. wow says:

    Kickette what is going on?, too much drinking will do such to any one jugement! Marco yes, but the rest no, no, no, no,no,no!

  100. jellenp says:

    Friday at Kickette: The Girl(s) Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest.

  101. meh says:

    why aren't pique and serg ramos on this yet? come on…

  102. MadameGourcuff says:

    bring my husband back and sergio ramos

  103. Rosey says:

    1st off…Kickette use my exact comment I did for that post! {To quote ZZ Top, “Women Go Crazy ‘Bout a Sharp Dressed Man“.}

    2nd…Marco should have been on the list the first time!!!

    3rd…How dare you take Lashes off!!!!!!! Put him in the HHOF!!!!!!

  104. tracy765 says:

    Pepe Reina is sexy and manly and funny and cute and charismatic and muscle-y and…ahem. Sorry. My point is that he deserves spots #1-4 on this list (keeping #5 for Nando, of course.) But as I have previously noted, my love for Pepe knows no bounds.
    Also – and maybe someone can help me out here – but Joe Cole? I don't get it.

  105. p4ng says:

    1. WHERE IS YOYO? THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!
    2. Nando is cuter, prettier, more gentleman than Joe Hart and Sex Fabregas!! This is so wrong!
    3. Pepe Reina on tha list. Oui Oui. Thanks!
    4. WHERE IS YOANN?

  106. LuvinBale says:

    Oh Kickette- well done. Well done indeed. This list is just brimming with manly hotness and to add Marco Borriello to this list was just a stroke of genius. I voted for him the first time around. I love me a bad boy. I like Joe Hart but to remove Vidic is just not acceptable. I do agree though that his lack of nekkidness is becoming a bit frustrating. You know that there are some rock hard abs under that kit. I want to see them -NOW!!!
    Other than that I say good list and I am very happy with the additions and subtractions.
    Sorry to say that Yoann just doesnt do it for me anymore. Im sticking with Gareth Bale as my true love.

    • Jo_ says:

      I'm consoling myself with the thought of Vida brooding over the matter. Very intense; very hotrobot. Look out, Wigan.

  107. britgirl says:

    No Yoann… Are you serious??
    How could you remove him from the list and replace him with Reina?

  108. Alex Samuel says:

    Xabi Alonso: License to thrill. And LOL at Joe Hart's like grin, like he's saying 'Whoopsie! My butt is facing the camera! Don't pretend you don't it ladies cuz I know you like it!' I think they should all form a boy band, maybe cover 'Sexy Back'
    We're bringin' sexy back
    Them other ballers don't know how act
    We know you love us from our butts to backs
    And Cristiano won't cut us some slack

  109. Laurenxx says:

    as long as you dont take nando or cesc off, im fine.

  110. Fernanda says:

    *Sigh* Still no Pique :(

  111. missbubbles says:

    What??? Are you serious??? No Yoyo???

    Ok, lets get to facts…

    1. Yoann Gourcuff is dull….so yes, he aint cheating his gf (cause he has none as much as i know), he aint scandalous and he aint really Bond charming.
    2. Yes, he does not go out of the house, he does not party and, as my friend said, "He has about as much charisma as a wet mop, he appears to be as funny as a tombstone, and he's probably boring as death. "
    3. Yes. he does not take his shirt of, he is always zipped to his throat – but please, hes in grieving phase cause he misses Chammy and he is still uncesure to undress for others. Yes, he has wrinkles and a lot of bad hair days…

    but that is not the reason to kick him out of F5 cause

    HE IS F…G QUEEN LASHES!!!!

    If Iker could stay with all his dressing disasters and idiocy of a beard so can Yoyo,.

    I want him back….I need him back.!!!!!!

    Thank you.

    • Hanae says:

      Yeah ! it's a scandal !!! We all want YO back !!!!!!!!!!!! no more "classy" man in your "Five" , it's a shame indeed …. boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :(

      • Susana says:

        I agree!!!! Pepe Reina over Lashes Gourcuff? That is scandalous. I love Marco, but boot Pepe. If he won't go, then throw a beachball in front of him and he'll surely chase it!

    • Carrie says:

      Iker is beautiful with or without a beard, but especially so WITH. He needs a top title, all his own.

  112. manuela says:

    I agre with you Kickette for putting that handsome man Marco on the list, he really deserves that! But I also can't understand that you put Joe and Pepe, instead of Yoann! Oh come on, it's not fair and you know it! I think that it only takes his one blink with that gorgeous green eyes and lovely lashes to give him back on the list! Or should I send Yoyo to your address to personally convince you??? I hope that you, soon than ever, correct your huge mistake and give him a place that he truly deserves!
    Just to make clear, I don't have anything against Pepy and Joe- I found them very attractive and quite, but I'm wondering how is it possible that hottie Victor Valdes never was on your list! On my opinion, he's the sexiest goalkeeper on the world and I'm madridista!
    And where the hell is Sergio Ramos??? How is it possible that you forgot him, especially now when he's so divine with that haircut?
    Kickette, I thought that we are friends, so don't spoil it!!!

  113. Stacey says:

    Really? How could you remove Yoann?! :(

  114. BarceLisa says:

    Finally! the Finest Five 'flavor of the month' Version is back! If you're truly going flavor of the month I'd say the only one missing is Gareth Bale. btw Yoann is Hot HOF eligible now don't you think?

    • LuvinBale says:

      YES- Gareth Bale for Finest Five.
      The cute smile, soft spoken and the rock hard solid body!! Time to put that little pup on the list Kickettes!

  115. tresa says:

    Kickette, you have done great.
    I must adore you simple for putting Pepe on that list. I want to look at him all day long. I really appreciate you takin Yoann off the list. That might get him to rethink his haircut and everything.
    I shall now go and get drunk in celebration of Pepe makin the Fines 5.
    Amen.

  116. anne says:

    As long as cesc gets to stay :X:X it s all good. …. well not all, joe hart doesn't fit the list.
    But i can think of someone who would look good on the list right next to cesc….Piqueeeeee.

  117. Rossanera says:

    About effing time, Kickette. Where is la bella Sofia? I cannot wait to see her reaction today.

  118. Meow meow hiss scratch . . . . Now THIS is quality entertainment. *sits back with a bowl of popcorn*

    • Lily says:

      *grins* and some wine, if you please :)

    • Georgina Sanders says:

      LOL! The thing about reading this post is that I know fellow Kickette soldier girls will have violent (and I mean really violent) reactions to the F5 List. It's always been like that and I'm sure it will always be like that.

      And it's quite entertaining to watch. :-)

      P.S.: Although some part of me wants Fer Llorente wants to be in the F5 List, most of the parts of me wants him to keep his low-key profile and not be overexposed to creepy pre-teen fangirls on Tumblr (look at what's happened to Pique). Appreciation is ok, overrated-ness is not.. :-)

  119. sere says:

    Bring back Yoann!!

  120. Su' says:

    Roque Santa Cruz belongs to the list! That name alone ^^…

  121. canederli says:

    I applaud Xabi's promotion to the Hot Hall of Fame. Long overdue for such perfection. :-)

  122. Amber says:

    All I’m going to say is thank you God for giving us Marco! Cheers to Xabi for getting promoted to HHOF. He totally deserves it!

    PS- I’m glad you kept Cesc. Sorry but I could take or leave Joe Hart. Pale English gents just don’t do it for me.

  123. gin_in_teacups says:

    I wholeheartedly support Pepe's inclusion on the Finest 5! Welcome Pepe. Please celebrate by kicking ass tomorrow against West Ham. And YAY for Xabi's Hall of Fame spot! I am so proud of my Spaniards today! Borriello does nothing for me, but I'm pleased enough with your other choices not to be too bothered about it. Though I'd still rather keep Yoann on there than see him switched out for Marco.

  124. Xabi in the Hot HoF… Shit yesss. That man is one damn fine GQMF.
    Still miss him every matchday…

  125. ruthroja says:

    i really LOVE marco….an italian sensation for all i care; i knew that Pepe wud make it for his cutesie sxi beastinessand Joe's arse cud get him ANYwhere..but…..no Yoann???? still….it's irrevocably SENSATIONAL that Xabi's gna be in the hot HOF!!!! *yaye*

    PS…tnx for keeping nando n cesc…. =)

  126. No Yoann?! I can understand Boriello and Hart being included cos they are just gorgeous but Pepe Reina and no Yoann? :(

  127. IM07 says:

    I find it hard to believe that after the armani campaign Cristiano is still not on the list…

  128. Ana;) says:

    Nooooooo! Not Yoann!
    Fine kickette! I will appreciate him all by myself :P

    • Ana;) says:

      You even put the wrong team down, he plays for Olympique Lyonnais.
      And spelt Bordeaux wrong *smh
      Kickette you're loosing it. :(

  129. hereforthenando says:

    When I realized that you guys had changed the list, I freaked out in ways that probably weren't warranted by the situation. I was terrified that Fernando (whose inclusion in the list was a major victory for me–yeah, don't judge) was taken off of the Finest Five.

    But this. Pepe Reina's inclusion in this elite list. Xabi's graduation to the Hot Hall of Fame. Joe Hart. Yeah, just "Joe Hart."

    On behalf of all of the Kickette ladies: where would our lives be without you?

  130. nooneinparticular says:

    Kickette, you cant do this. To adjust Borri, remove anyone else but not Yoann. i have a big objection to this and No you are not allowed to rule out my objection. It should be sustained.

  131. KatB says:

    Great new F5 Kickettes. I may get red-arrowed to death but Yoann's haircut is icky –and is it just me or the boy is looking rough as of late? I want to give the man a good bottle of eye moisturiser. Vida and Xabi are hot but I appreciate the new blood, it's quite refreshing. Oh Borriello…

  132. Jive says:

    Now that Xabi is in the HHOF, I can stop my eternal vigil and snuff this bedside candle out. Thank you, ladies.

  133. Gill says:

    OFFICIAL COMPLAINT! Where in haddes is Ramos?

    He's the most divisive stud out there- you either love him or are yet to be converted (…for it will happen…). If he's not on the FF list, then he should be on a BAMF list. It's such a glaring omission, I actually can't take this list seriously. Joe Hart and NOT Ramos? REALLY? *squeal*

    BOO, Kickette. Love you ladies, but boo to that!

    • MadridistaJenn says:

      1000% agreed!
      I think this is the part where someone stands on a soapbox or a table and chants Ramos……
      Ramos! Ramos! Ramos!

      • Gill says:

        RAMOS! RAMOS! RAMOS! *with placards*

        Glad I'm not alone. Ramos fans, stand up and let's get our boy counted!! lol

      • senora ramos says:

        RAMOS! RAMOS! RAMOS!

        i cannot stand for this! all the sexy that man brings. and to be so unappreciated by "certain" people ::glares:: this is too low. JOE HART over el gitano?! REALLY?! next thing you know, tevez will be included in this list*

        *am in no way saying that joe hart looks ANYTHING like the caveman. i'm just tramatized right now.

      • Zahara says:

        RAMOS, RAMOS, RAMOS!!

    • Leya_S says:

      I definitely don't mind the new inclusions/relegations of the current Finest5 list….
      but…
      I totes agree on the Ramos front.
      A few months back, out of 5 articles listed in the "Crowd Pleasers" quick links section on the right side of this page, 3 or 4 of them concerned Sergio Ramos, which, to me, was like "Why isn't he on the Finest5??" I can only guess that maybe his own-goal during the week or his haircut the other month (which, mind you, has grown out nicely and looks TOTALLY HOT now) may have set him back a little, so he didn't make the cut, but STAY STRONG Sergi-ettes, I KNOW he will be there soon!

    • Lily says:

      I know….Joe Hart over Ramos? Over the abs of Ramos, no less?

      I guess it's not such a great time for Spanish defenders, what with him and Pique scoring own goals in he last two outings of La Roja, *sigh*

    • Laura says:

      I wonder if the Ramos isn't included for fear that he would simply overshadow everyone else.

    • Gill says:

      Hart is cute and cheeky- the boy deserves some love. But it's like comparing royalty with reality tv- no comparison. Ramos is top draw EVERYTHING. The hair drama, the clothing drama, the mandals- who else pushes our buttons so? Yet through it all, he always brings the sexy. Look at that luscious butt cheek shown last week??

      Have faith, Ladies. Cream always rises to the top :-)

    • Ninjess says:

      Can we create this BAMF list? Because that would be a fun one.

    • Winnie Mata says:

      oh boo! why is everyone pickin on Pal Joey!
      as an appreciator of both, i must say that Joe
      possesses much of the same traits which i love in El Ramos!
      i.e.: crazy hot, insanely talented, body like WHOA! believe me,
      sure there aren't many picture of Joe topless out there
      but the man has got BODY!
      he has somewhat questionable fashion sense
      and this is a guy you can tell likes to have FUN!
      Sergio's a hottie with a heart, but Joe Hart's sneaky lil smirks make me MELT!

      i've been on this trip for MONTHS
      so i'm super-glad Kickette has finally decided to give Joe the attention he deserves!

  134. Zina says:

    Joe Hart, Pepe Reina over Yoann?? Are you out of your mind? Get your eyes tested…NOW!

  135. McRed says:

    I love how the woman behind Marco actually has to shield her eyes for fear of being overcome by the hotness. If he gets any more smokin' we're all going to need special sunglasses built by NASA or something for protection.

  136. numeronueve says:

    the day you take fernando torres off this list is the day i find your house and burn it to the ground, kickettes.

  137. cammie says:

    Pepe looks SO Hot

  138. AKA says:

    I ain't gonnna complain, Kickettes, don't worry. I am secure and happy in the knowledge that this fabulous list is a (obviously wonderful) guideline, not doctrine. Those relegated are, like with the leagues, just waiting in the wings and available at any time. And getting up to highly H.O.T things back there, I'm sure….

  139. lila says:

    I was really happy to see Borri finaly on the list!! I thought " Yay, Kickette is back on track!"
    But then i see…..no more Yoann… ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND??????