February 3rd, 2009
Finest Five 3.1: Welcome Yoann Gourcuff
Please welcome our new addition to the Finest Five list*: 22-year-old Yoann Gourcuff, an attacking midfielder currently playing for Bordeaux, on loan from AC Milan.
Here’s why he’s joined our illustrious sizzle list:
It’s quite simple, really. Yoann is a multi-million euro earning athlete with a French accent and eyelashes that make Bambi ready to smack a bitch. He is single, 6’1” tall and is completely comfortable with removing his clothes in a public arena, and if we’re not mistaken, he also takes great delight in doing so.
DEPARTING FROM THE LIST:
Sergio Ramos. Sergio, please know that we will always hold a special place in our hearts for you. Your love of pastel colours, man bags, nose jobs in triplicate. Perhaps one day soon we’ll see you again on our list. In the meantime, give us back our damn lip gloss.
Fernando Torres. He’s one of our favourite cuties, but despite the constant petitioning and tireless work of his many fans to get him added to our list, this honour has yet elluded dear Nando. He will get there, Kickettes. We’re just not sure when. However, if anyone can provide us with a Nando-with-facial hair image, it would expediate the process considerably.
Owen Hargreaves. We’d love to have some quasi-English representation on the F5 list, and OH is steadily moving up our love list. Will this be his year?
*We’re reposting our caveat from our last update: Let us remind both our newer readers and the Kickette hardcore alike that the Finest Five is a personal, ‘of the moment’ list, not a permanent one. A player being moved off the list doesn’t mean we no longer acknowledge his physical/facial abilities, just that we’re crushing for the moment on another. On the other hand, The Hot HOF is a permanent list which recognizes those who have served their teams/countries well and deserve something more formal on the mantelpiece.