June 27th, 2011

Footballers & Festivals: A ‘How Not To’ Guide

The Fashion Police advise that if you see Andy Carroll, do not approach him. He is extremely confused.

It’s a far cry from the days when the more ‘senior’** members of the Kickette staff used to get a boost over the fence at Glastonbury from a random hairy bloke called Dave and then spent three days wandering around in circles looking for the main stage.

Models, TV stars and footballers now consider the English music festival scene an essential a part of their social calendar, much like getting turned away from The Box, and this weekend was no exception albeit with varying degrees of success.

Let’s have a look at their adventures, shall we?

Presumably the Rooney’s took this picture to remember what their wellies looked like when clean. Image via yfrog.

The most high profile visitors to Somerset this weekend were Coleen and Wayne Rooney, who kept us thoroughly entertained with their tweets about wellingtons before meeting Mumford & Sons and becoming embroiled in some sort of fracas.

This was a positive PR push compared to Andy Carroll’s efforts, though. The Liverpool man was spotted strolling the highways and byways of Glasto with current squeeze Stacey Miller. There was nothing too horrifying about this (unless you happen to be an Everton fan) except for Carroll’s attire. Sensibly realising his outfit was missing something, he then purchased a small straw trilby which he skilfully paired with a blue headscarf.


Would you buy a used car from these two? Thought not. Image via yfrog.

Finally, good news for Joey Barton, who we can confirm almost fangirled himself to death when his invite to meet hero Morrissey backstage at the festival turned out to be real. Having thrown down the gauntlet to the NME by offering some incisive reviews of the talent, JB tweeted first a pic of ‘the Master at work’, then one of (presumably) Master and Servant.

We love to see one of our own achieve a dream. But we’re not quite sure why the former Smiths frontman looks so panicked. Perhaps Joey’s just offered to share a post-gig cigar?


**By senior, we totally mean full of life experience and knowledge but still retaining their youthful looks and drinking ability. Not old, or anything.

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17 Responses to “Footballers & Festivals: A ‘How Not To’ Guide”

  1. xbabyshakesx says:

    I've always wanted to attend the festival, love the music, but DAMN! now the Aaron Ramsey goes – HOT DAM! i gotta go next year!

  2. Marina_Isabella says:

    Note to self: don't ever go to an English music festival, they usually happen in the summer, but that word (summer) is just to deceive people and take their money, and then you'll be stuck with a gazillion more people listening to *insert name of band here* under the pouring rain… Also: don't even think about going Roskilde either.


  3. Louise says:

    Love Andy's outfit. He obviously just dived in the wardrobe and put on whatever he thought would be comfortable and keep him dry at the festival. He knew he looked silly, so he added the scarf and hat at some point. Love a hot guy with a great sense of humor. (But lay off of the drink, yeah?)

  4. gin_in_teacups says:

    Hahaha – Andy Carroll looks AMAZING! I am not even kidding. This only endears him to me more. Clearly he's taking lessons from the Sergio Ramos School of How to Impress Gin_In_Teacups. The sillier you look the better! I mean, how can you not love a man who is willing to go around looking like that?

    Besides, I've been to music festivals in the UK. I say wear whatever the hell you have to to feel comfortable in all that muck.

  5. Savannah says:

    Clearly Andy's gf was afraid of all the wanna be wags that would be roaming at Glasto and dressed him like someone's homely, spinster aunt. I am sure it worked wonders. I may never look at him the same again.

  6. Lily says:

    Andy looks like a farmer that just got his hands on a fashion magazine. If you don't want to stand out at a concert, this is not the way to do it.

  7. chay says:

    i think he looks cute adorable! And he looks like he's having a big blast of a time!

  8. hereforthenando says:

    It appears as though Andy Carroll raided my wardrobe circa 1993, when I was five years old. Same size, colours and everything. Looking good, AC9. And by good, I mean, never again.

  9. mena says:

    Awww, leave Andy alone. He is obviously having a great time and based on other photos, it looked like Andy was letting people use him as a Dress Up Doll – now what kind of girl wouldn't want THAT in a BF?

    But Kickette, it's strange that you would give Andy such a hard time about his outfit and not make a single mention of Coleen Rooney's ill-advised Shorts-n-Wellies combo. Coleen's outfit was much more offensive than Andy's.

  10. Jer Newman says:

    Aaron Ramsey was at it too

  11. Red_Girl says:

    Andy Carroll always looks like he's having a ball. Wayne Rooney always looks like he's angry somewhere under that newly thatched skull. Andy Carroll looks like he would scrub up well. Wayne Rooney looks like a scrubbing brush. That's my philosophy finished for a hot Monday afternoon…

    • mena says:

      You're right that Wayne looked miserable, but I kinda feel sorry for him.

      In all the photos I've seen of the Rooney's at Glastonbury, it's obvious that Wayne was trying desperately to NOT draw attention to himself. He was wearing inconspicuous clothing, he had his hood up and he was wearing sunglasses.

      Meanwhile, Coleen was decked out in flash designer clothes, looking like a poseur and smiling huge for the paparazzi that were following them.

      Coleen could afford to draw attention to herself because no one there was going to bother her for a photo or an autograph, but Wayne doesn't have that luxury. I wonder if Coleen realizes that and TBH, I wonder if Wayne would've had a bit more privacy if he hadn't gone with Coleen.

  12. JNas says:

    Next year, I vote they all take some fashion lessons from the Coachella crowd… (while still keeping in mind the rain/mud possibility factor)

  13. Solida says:

    love you Andrew, but honestly, u look super funny!!!! i almost didn't recognize you!
    ps: i'm Liverpool number1 fan!

  14. Lotte says:

    "Joey Barton, who we can confirm almost fangirled himself to death" . Love that line! I laughed so hard I scared my family members. I guess I would act strange if I got to meet the guy who "put the M in Manchester" too :) .

    Regarding Carrol, I must confess I have looked strange at music festivals too. It's very seldom dry, sunny weather at those things ya' know. At least he's having a good time it seems.

  15. Andy needs a woman who can clean him up a little and expose how good looking he really is. He looks awful! I will try hard to erase this image of him from my mind.