August 10th, 2011
Frank Lampard: All Kitted Out
Well hello there, Frank. It’s been a while.
What’s that fetching garmentage you’re wearing as you sashay across the Kickette office (apologies about the intern you tripped over on the floor, she had a heavy night. We’re sure you have access to a twenty-four hour dentist)?
Oh. It’s the brand spanking new Chelsea FC 3rd kit. We must say it’s very smart and white definitely suits you. Apart from the fact that the blue and yellow patchy bits compliment your delicious eyes, we note that it hugs your torso in a most pleasing way. We’ve actually conducted research (of course we haven’t) into the visual conductivity of football kit colour and have found that white is in fact the optimum shade for short tent exposure.
Pardon? You think that since we like it so much we should try it on? But of course, Frank. Anything you say. Why don’t you just remove said kit and…(Ed Note: further exchanges were rendered inaudible, first by the sound of clattering high heels, then a loud crash and a man’s helpless cries for mercy).