March 26th, 2008

French Bells for Wayne & Coleen

Details of the McRooney wedding are beginning to leak and it looks like this will be a French affair. 

Those looking for tack, OTT and lap dancing guests, try not to panic. The setting may be in the classy and chic French Riviera environs, but chances are high that we will all get the WAGtastic wedding we have been dreaming of, one that dares to blow previous nuptials crazies out of the water.


A few basic deets:

- This will be a four day extravaganza, taking place between June 10 – 14 and it’s expected to cost about and it’s expected to cost about £3 million.

- Why so expensive? Well, for a start, guests will be flown to France via private jet. Factor in the cost of alcohol and you’re pretty much there.

- Coleen’s gown will be designed by Marchesa.

- The Beckhams have not been invited. Apparently, it’s a small guest list of 60 close friends and family, so unfortunately no chance we’ll be seeing Lady V in a jaunty hat.

- No official word on which of the McRooney family members will be onsite. You do know about the family situ, yes? Coleen’s cousin Natalie has gone batty after discovering she’s not been invited. Alas, she embarrassed the crap out of Coleen when she flashed her boobies at Col’s 21st birthday party. (Key quote? “I can’t stand Coleen after the way she’s behaved towards us. She clearly sees us as nothing but chavs who aren’t high class enough to go to her big day.”)

- Other family dramas from the past include a massive punch up between Wayne Rooney’s father and uncle at Coleen’s 18th.

Pray they can work things out before the big date. In the meantime, break out your French/English dictionary and start learning the key phrases, “I think I have alcohol poisoning” and “Where is the nearest spray tan retail establishment?”

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40 Responses to “French Bells for Wayne & Coleen”

  1. Looks great, yes I think the smaller the better also. such a nice couple looking couple.

  2. “I started using marijuana when I was 10 years old, graduated to LSD and “"shrooms”“ at age 12 and then to heroin, cocaine, crack, and crystal meth at 14. Since most of my family, including my parents, were druggies, I didn’t see much wrong with it. At 14, I dropped out of school and my mom kicked me out on the street. At 16, I was shot in the chest over a $20.00 rock and then overdosed on heroin and nearly died. That was 7 months ago and I am now 7 months “"clean”“ thanks to Jesus Christ. I lost years of my life and nearly my life, but Jesus has changed me. I still get tempted but II Peter 1:3 says that “”…His divine power (Christ’s) has given unto us all things that pertain to life and godliness…“” It’s His power that gives me all I need to stay “clean”
    Regards, Rebecca
    how long does cocaine, marijuana, alcohol stay in your system

  3. Peaches says:

    I think Wayne`s family sound quite interesting <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" /> They should get their own reality show!

  4. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Oh god Peaches, that is some car crash tv I would love to see!!

  5. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Even away from football, he is a huge star!!
    How can you visit a football site and not know who Wayne Rooney is? I thought he was famous the world over, not just in the UK??! I am in shock!! Agreed he is a good striker, but not as good as what was expected of him when he left Everton!

  6. Boshena57 says:

    Hey, I don’t even know who McRooney and Coleen are. And I don’t care about their wedding either.

    That is a very liberating feeling. I think I am going to stick with it and not go any further.

  7. Gigi says:

    Mrs. Xabi A., I know that Nando is your striker of choice, but I agree, how does Boshena57 not know who one of the other best strikers in the world is?  Did I wake up in a parallel universe today????

    Boshena, I repeat myself, he is one of the best.  Young and with room for improvement, but one of the best strikers out there.  Familiarize yourself with him.  You won’t be

  8. carly says:

    4 days? What are they? Gypsies?

    <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="rolleyes" style="border:0;" />

    I like it that they’re keeping it “small” lol, seriously, I mean in terms of the number of guests. And the publicity will probably pay for half of that.

    The person who didn’t know Rooney probably came here because they have a site named spray-tan-whatever (they must use a word alert). So I sort of understand if someone outside Europe doesn’t know Rooney. But he’s a good lad <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  9. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    You don’t know the Rooneys?? Which rock have you been hiding under for the past SEVEN YEARS??!!!!!

  10. Gigi says:

    Coleen looks absolutely beautiful, so if this is any indication of how she may look on her day, then I think she will put all of you doubters out there to shame, and far outshine Alex Curran and Toni Poole.  I just realized that poor Carly probably shouldn’t wear heels, as she will tower over her little weeman, Joe.  At least her hair will.

    The mock up invite is histerical, but can any of you Scouse lovers out there please tell me what the hell a pan o scouse is?

    Congrats Cassie!  Stateside your wedding would cost $150k, which is quite a bundle of money to me.  Enjoy yourself!

  11. Becca x says:

    I THink They Might Have Sold Them To Hello, Because Wasnt Coleens 21st Birthday Party Pictures In There?

    Apparently The Whole Coleens Uncle And Rooneys Dad Didnt Happen And it Was Just Someone Making Something Out Of Nothing, Thats What I Heard Anyway.

  12. QB says:

    i love tacky footballer weddings ,is it me or coleen looks afraid in that pic?

  13. dee says:

    can’t wait for the pictures but i’m assumin that they have already sold them to OK or Hello

  14. jax says:

    You can bet your purple-ruffled bridesmaid dress that they will have sold to OK or Hello !!

    Is it just me or are they both looking almost fab in the picture above ? Apart from Wayne’s ears unfortunately highlighted by the dark background and the silly pose flogging an unidentifiable drink, he looks quite snazzy and, gulp, quite attactive….

    Please snap me out of this if you think I’ve gone too far…

  15. lose that girl says:

    Love it! Has there been any news on the upcoming nuptials for Carly and Joe? We need some leaks there—can’t Carly start chatting some nosey hairdresser while she’s getting her bird’s nest tamed?

    I’m assuming that Coleen and Wayne will have sold the photo rights to OK or Hello?

  16. klyn312 says:

    oh yes, this is a hot mess waiting to happen…
    I do hope they are happy tho.. I know I will be, reading about all the post wedding drama! <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="tongue laugh" style="border:0;" />

  17. Pussycat says:

    Let the rumors, fun and guessing games begin!

  18. Kimothie says:

    I went back and read Kickette’s roundup of Coleen’s 21st chavtastic bash, and I am STILL laughing at the flourescent butterflies, stilt people, and bussed in relatives.  Oh, I wish marital bliss on all who desire it- but deep in my selfish little heart, I hope this wedding is a hot mess.

    It does sound like it will be a proper affair- undoubtedly folks will get bored and ridiculousness will happen, but kudos to the couple for trying to keep it a classy occasion.

  19. The Fourth Official says:

    Cassie, congratulations!

    Apparently the Rooney affair includes a lavish black and white ball on one of the evenings, a barbecue and assorted other activities.…

  20. Rusty says:

    ‘Chav’ to me equals white trash.

    And did I seriously read the other day that that’s Coleen’s real nose?

    If my sister had showed her boobs at my 21st birthday party, I might not invite her to my wedding either.

  21. cassie says:

    can’t wait for this one, should be quite the show.  i am planning a wedding myself for 100 and i thought my

  22. The Fourth Official says:

    I am adding the date to my Outlook calendar at this very moment – I am practically speechless with excitement (no, honestly!).

    I’m glad Coleen put her foot down about the embarrassing rellies.  Fingers crossed XXXXX that she looks beautiful and that Wayne polishes up a bit before the big day. 

    Going now to click on Marchesa’s website and try to figure out what the gown may look like.

    Oh, dear me, the first pics don’t look promising.  Lots of draping and ruffling and sh*t.  Oh dear.

  23. cheryl bites says:

    Gigi: Scouse is a foodstuff. I’ve never had it, being Yorkshire/Cumbrian, but near as I can remember, it’s alternate layers of tatties and mince. Very classy! (Not.)

  24. klyn312 says:

    okay, for my US ladies, this is the best satire I can come up with…

    also see Lauren(laura?) from the Cathrine Tate show…

  25. kelly says:

    is it safe to assume that chav = white trash (?) because when i think of brit and kfed they are lower grade than WT. to me, they belong in the TPT caste (trailer park trash)

    thanks, gigi, for the wiki def. i was mispronouncing   the word as if there was an “sh”

  26. klyn312 says:

    no offense to my ladies in middle America, I was merely talking in stereotype. I live in the Midwest…

  27. klyn312 says:

    Brandy-it’s really hard to translate as 98.9% of American youth are chavtastic…uuuummmmm, think Kevin and Britney and then take them out of Brentwood and drop them in the lower midwest…

    thats as close as it’s gonna get.

  28. c9 says:

    Gigi- Thanks! That was helpful for myself as well!

  29. Pussycat says:

    *busy committing the translations to memory*


    It was revealed yesterday that OK Magazine have forked out a massive

  30. Gigi says:

    This one’s for you, Brandy.

  31. kaya says:

    That uppity Colleen! She really doesn’t remember where she came from.
    Actually, they look relatively fab in the photo above.

    As for translations, how about:
    Je suis empoissonnee par la binouze. Allez-y, les photographes.
    (I’ve got booze poisoning. Bring on the photographers.)

    Ou puis-je me faire un orange? Rapidement, s’il te plait, je suis bien pressee.
    (Where can I make myself an orange? Quickly, please, I’m quite pressed.)

  32. brandy, aka CR's Official Mistress in Perpetuity : says:

    First off – I rarely compliment Colleen, but her hair and makeup is GORGEOUS in this pic! And her face is pretty here… woah…

    Is Coke or Pepsi or whichever soda maker’s drink they are holding sponsoring this wedding?!

    Lil’ help: chav, chavtastic and all related words: definition please? I’ve seen it a few times and have gone on context but I want the real scoop now!

  33. FootballerChick43 says:

    What asses.
    I personally don’t care for Rooney. He reminds me of an overgrown elf on cocaine.

  34. c9 says:

    TFO- sorry about that LOL Yes, I’ve been meaning to actually finish my Man U vid and got caught up in everything that was Fabio red face
    I’m glad you liked it!

  35. The Fourth Official says:

    Mrs. X, with about 60 guests, including his <ahem> lovely family and assorted teammates, I’d say the odds of a nice classy affair are about 60 to 1.

  36. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    I really really want their wedding to be a nice classy affair, with no chav-tatic tales to report. What are the chances of this happening??

  37. The Fourth Official says:

    c9, LOL, I thought your Fab vid was going to be a tribute to Capello.  I thought, oh, um,  how sweet, c9 is paying homage to our England manager.  The opening shot, I thought, hmm, I didn’t realize Capello had such a nice body!!
    Anyway, lovely work, my friend. wink

  38. Sarah x says:

    Je pense que j’ai l’intoxication par l’alcool – I Think I May Have Alcohol Poisoning

  39. c9 says:

    A little excited there, I meant to spell “alone”.

    Also, sorry to go off topic ladies but I’ve made a video tribute to all things Fab, I hope you all enjoy it…tell your friends!!!!

  40. c9 says:

    jax- you are not alond on this one. I so agree with you on Coleen and Wayne, they both look attractive in this pic, minus Wayne’s ears of course.

    Congratulations Cassie and also to the Rooney’s!