July 26th, 2011
Girl Code: An Open Letter To Jennifer Thompson
Juicy. Jennifer. Jen?
We realise that while your career trajectory is relatively flat and you must do all you can to maintain momentum while you have it, but we feel it might be in the best interests of your personal health and safety (not to mention dignity) if you would refrain from attending bars in Liverpool for the foreseeable future.
Admittedly we can’t fault the logic behind attending Mosquito in said city on Saturday night. It is, after all, one of Coleen Rooney’s favourite bars, and the exposure you would receive if ‘accidentally’ photographed in Col’s vicinity is just way too good to pass up.
However, we consider it our civic duty to remind you of Statute 46 in the Girl Code Handbook. Subsection 3 categorically states that the offence of ‘causing pain and suffering to your girl by making claims of liasons with her husband while she was carrying his bubba, who then has the temerity to rock up on her turf in an LBD trying to score a half page spread in The Sun’ is punishable by verbal abuse, with optional escalations of pointy fingers, shouting insults and culminating in chasing the offender down the street.
But of course, you know this, because this is how your evening ended last Saturday. Just be grateful you didn’t get to find out what Subsection 4 involves.
All the best,
The Kickette Health & Safety Protectorate