July 28th, 2010
Goal Celebrations: Inside The Football Actor’s Studio
We’ve got a pretty strict set of criteria when it comes to goal celebrations. We could bore you with scientific jargon involving ratios of cuteness that are inversely proportional to positional awareness and so forth, but the basic premise remains simple. When celebrating a goal clothing removal = good, remaining fully clothed = bad.
We’re willing to temporarily set aside our prejudices for moments of creative genius. Above, please appreciate what might conceivably be the finest collective thought by a group of footballers in the history of the universe. Congratulations, Stjarnan of Iceland. You have brought drama and intrigue to the goal celebration. Theatre, a plot narrative, characterisation. Hell, it’s one step away from songs and a supporting cast of villagers.
To celebrate this raising of the goal celebration to new and theatrical heights, we thought we’d bring you a few more thespian contributions to the pantheon. Just so you know, this makes us 26% more clever and innovative than ANY other outlet that has produced a ‘Top 10’ goal celebrations list off the back of this story. We’re also much drunker. Fact.
Up In The Air
Is it the element of danger inherent in leaving terra firma this way? Is it the promise of athletic prowess hinted at by a player’s capacity to hurl himself through the air in such a manner? Are we merely jealous because the only way any of us could conceivably imitate this feat is by utlilising some sort of winch/harness/pulley system?
We’re not sure. But our wizened, cynical hearts soar with joy when we see a player (like Nani, left) lift off in this manner. And how often do we get to say that?
Rebel Without a Clue
Angel faced Timmy Cahill managed to invoke the wrath of the media by crossing his wrists in a handcuff stylee as a nod to his brother, Sean. Clearly, a celebration marking the incarceration of an individual for committing a horrible crime is in poor taste, peeps, but when you look this hot while you’re doing it… Our already compromised moral standards have no choice but to phoaar.
Other examples in this genre include Robbie Fowler impersonating a vacuum cleaner on the touchline and Craig Bellamy revisiting an unusual round of golf. Not forgetting Emmanual Adebayor and his rush to share his moment of joy with fans. (Image of Tim Cahill via telegraph.co.uk)
The Quiet Man
There’s just something so darn sexy about a man who refuses to give in to the peer pressure of celebration and instead stands, inscrutable, as an entire stadium goes crazy around him. Eric Cantona started it (left), Thierry Henry perfected it and then surpassed himself, exhibiting his adherence to ‘the method’ when this happened.
The History Boys
Widely considered to be the forefather of every goal celebration. Like evah. Marco Tardelli races around the pitch screaming after scoring the second goal in Italy’s 3-1 win over West Germany in the 1982 World Cup final.
A similar thing happens in the Kickette office when someone brings cake, y’know.