May 13th, 2011

Gonzalo Higuain & Neymar: Pitter Patter, The Unplanned(?) Edition

La Liga pregnant WAG

Image: REUTERS/Felix Ordonez.

We consider it to be a testament to our bluffing skills that we manage to cobble together (barely) enough posts on this website to fool people into thinking we are taking it seriously. We do, don’t we? It’s not entirely obvious that a good 90% of our attention is generally on drinking, shopping or a frighteningly expensive combination of the two, is it?

Nevermind. Most of the time we can just blank it out. But occasionally our lack of commitment and frankly laughable attention spans are brutally exposed when we find out that something really important has happened in the world of football and we ruddy missed it. Say, that Gonzalo Higuan has fathered a child.

Yes, according to ChronoFoot and our TTO commenters, a source close to both the baby momma and Higgy’s own Mum confirmed the news way back in January.

JANUARY! Er… hello?!

Well, apparently the striker and his lady-in-question were only dating for a month before she got pregnant and around the time of ChronoFoot‘s report, she was said to be about 4 – 5 months along. If you do the guesstimating math, one would conclude that Gonzalo is going to be a daddy any day now, if the child – rumoured to be a girl – hasn’t already been born.

The most laughably sad part of this story is that Pipita supposedly never wanted kids and that this bish ‘trapped him’ by getting pregnant.

Oh the drama. Oh the cleverly executed plan.


Chelsea transfer target expecting baby boyIn other alarming and impending baby news, please welcome 19-year-old Brazilian striker, Neymar. Amidst transfer talks between his club, Santos, and Chelsea, he released an official statement on his Web site confirming his impending parenthood:

“I use this note to confirm the information that I will become father this year. The two families – mine and the mother to be – have talked and are ready to help us bring the baby into the world, giving him all necessary assistance and the best possible structure…”

We don’t know about you, dear readers, but we were never aware of Neymar having a girlfriend – which may explain why he won’t release the name of his knocked up (and allegedly underaged at 17)  lady pal:

“By common agreement, we decided to preserve the mother’s name. This measure aims to calm her during the coming months, avoiding its exposure to any unnecessary things and ensuring mainly the privacy of the child to be born in a few months.”

Hmm. Congratulations…we guess?

Thnx for the tip, Larissa!

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91 Responses to “Gonzalo Higuain & Neymar: Pitter Patter, The Unplanned(?) Edition”

  1. Guest says:

    LOL. I've never understood why some teens (and Nigerians, apparently sometimes) write this way? Doesn't it take more energy to write "lyk dis all d tym" than "this all the time"? OR "wuz" instead of "was"? Sure, we all love abbreviating, but sometimes IMO, it's a bit silly to deliberately misspell words, especially when you're not making them any shorter.
    Just a thought…

  2. Nessa says:

    Awww….NEYMAR how could you do this to me????? Ugh anyhoo congrats..and to higuain too..

  3. @AgnesWonka says:

    Pipita, call CR, he knows about the issue!
    many wags use that "pregnancy-plan". I think many wags you love, like Olalla Torres.

  4. fooey1709 says:

    WTF!!! im only a teen but OMG!!! NOOOOOO! Why did pipa do this!!!! he might have just jacked up his life!!!!! he is so wrong 4 doin this, doestn't he know that he shuoldn't be pluggin it in (rite now)!!! and the gurl….. really trying to "trap" someone is horrible. yes pipa is wrong for saying yes to doing it but if the gurl knew he didnt want him why is she trapping! this is urking. as 4 neymar…. no comment!
    P.S: i kno eneryone's mad at pipa but maybe it wasn't his fualt (we don't kno the details. and i aint defendin him either) but maybe she tricked him. there wuz these gurl who live in nc and like luv to trap. they both were like 25 and they were having dinner, then she just kept pourin him drinks till he wuz completely drunk. then she did it (no condom and she got pregnant.
    i don't like waht these guys did but becuase we don't have the DEATAILS anything couldv'e happened….

  5. Leah says:

    I'm tired of the babies having babies.

  6. Paula says:

    I´m not sure about Pipita´s information. I think we just have to wait to make sure about this.

  7. MadameGourcuff says:

    I don't understand these guys, everyone should use protection of course, but famous guys like footballers should definitely know better since plenty of girls want to sleep with them and trap them. i just hope this isn't ramos or yoann anytime soon,lol

  8. jessie says:

    Didn't log on all weekend. Maybe there was a reason why. Sooooooo much money, soooooooooooo little common sense. For goodness sake Senor Ramos, let it not happen to you. Show us all you are better than your silly teammates. PLLLLLLLLLLLLLEASE.

  9. kathy says:

    Damn!Let's hope this does NOT hurt Neymar's Euro career.

  10. Winnie Mata says:

    i'm more concerned by the fact that a precious bubba is being born into this world among widespread gossip that they are unwanted. this saddens me. not a good look, Pipa aka soon to be Papi.

  11. coco says:

    Lets just hope that the RAMOS does not follow those footsteps… because if I hear that its dooms day for me…;(

  12. lila says:

    IN ARGENTINA THERE ARE NO REPORTS OF GONZALO HAVING A BABY!!!! maybe you confused it with his brother federico who had a baby boy named santino!

    • Gladys says:

      Wow, all of our outrage and shock (mine included, certainly) and perhaps this is just a weird rumor. Kickette, that really doesn't seem like you. Can we get an update or some better verification. BTW, I think I saw a video recently somewhere of Higgy with his little nephew and it was frickin' melt your heart adorable…we're talking rolling around and giggling with the baby. If the story is true, he certainly looked like a guy who likes kids. That's at least something.

  13. essjay says:

    Hahaha. First C.Ron, now the ever beautiful Higuain… ~sigh~ Looks like that's what happens when you play for Real Madrid… Next you'll be telling us Ramos and Alonso have little ones on the way tooo!

    Also. Neymar. Underaged chick? HE'S UNDERAGED HIMSELF, NO?!

  14. Elis says:

    PIPITA ……………. "U too, BRUTUS"

  15. Winnie Mata says:

    one month from now, we'll be hearing the Lara Alvarez pregnancy announcement…

    LOL kidding, but my god, could you IMAGINE?

  16. Samantha says:

    Apparently the news about Higain is false and the one who is about to give birth is his brother….

  17. mochara says:

    Neymar knocking up your underage girlfriend? Tut tut…

  18. Gladys says:

    Anyone else wondering if Pipita knocked up Miley Cirus? (Dumb, I know…but I just couldn't help myself. Sorry.).

  19. Georgina Sanders says:

    Awwww Pipita.. :-| I was just watching this video of him when he was a baby last Thursday:

    Now he's about to have one of his own. :'-(

  20. footieflu says:

    *reads post…… gasping for breath…… faints*

  21. Dawleylad says:

    What is it with all these young footballers getting their girlfriends pregnant. I hope Neymar's fatherhood doesn't get in the way of his possible move to London and Chelsea!

  22. 2323 says:

    i heard it's his brother who's having a child, not pipita

    • lavonne says:

      I would tend to believe that. The only source I can find in either Spanish or English that is reporting the story of Gonzalo's pending fatherhood is the very one cited by Kickette. Something fishy about that.

      Ok, maybe I'm just in denial that he could be that naive…but then again…someone needs to find me a reputable source.

      • LaNovena says:

        yeah feel the same as you. In that source there are more stories. One is about a pic about Cristiano with his son and in the actual pic they have him with his nephew. Another says Sara Carbonero is pregnant. Thats new to me too. Ill only believe it when its confirmed.

  23. nika says:

    Well, I seriously don't know what is it with these footballers, especially with my RM guys! Are you all insane, didn't you hear for the word PROTECTION or CONDOMS??? If I ever hear such a thing about Sergio, I don't know how I'll handle it! Oh, even worse from Yoann! Girls imagine, that we one day read something like this about our dear Lashes??? NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill myself and all of them ( just kidding)!!! So, dear French candy, watch yourself- I'm sending you some extra security to protect you from crazy girls, gold-diggers, whores and etc, who want to trap you with a kid!!!!! STAY SAFE AND WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!

    • LarissaxNavas says:

      Hahahha goood ideaa, send your favo player some condoms to protect themself, and more important, say WHY! haha genius xd

    • JulieFromParis says:

      For some reasons, I cannot really see this happening to Gourcuff…He seems too much of the serious type, like no crazy parties, no Zahia coming out of the closet, kind of a normal childhood in a small town in Bretagne… But who knows? That would be unexpected for sure!!!

  24. LarissaxNavas says:

    You're welcome and thanks for making a story of it haha, I was really curious about it!
    but mygash I can't imagine myself with a baby next year, I mean I'm 16 now, and sitting with a child next year? gash no… but I'm happy for him, only I didn't even know he had a GF … I don't know what to say more.. still shocked!
    and about Higuain… also shocked! didn't see that one comin' well okay maybe more then I saw it comin' by Neymar.. haha okay totally shocked..

  25. xbabyshakesx says:

    Note to self: Buy condoms for Papita and Jack Wilshere

  26. Donna C says:

    All the money in the world to buy Lous Vuitton luggage, D&G outfits, Versace sunglasses but apparently they can't find $7 in their wallet to buy a box of condoms forget $7 they can even get it for FREE if they wanted to at a walk in clinic. At this point it's such a joke with these young ballers all the money in the world can't buy you common sense I'm 27 and have known this stuff about protection since I was 12 don't they teach sex ed these days even if they don't offer them in schools where are the PARENTS to take responsibility to educate. Ya ya they can't stop them from doing it bla bla but at least if they educate their child they can't say they haven't done their part. It's very sad and so what the girl tells you she's on the pill do you know she actually took it? "Yes she did I saw her" Okay but what if she's been taking it every second day or inconsistent. It's only a matter of time before Ramos makes his announcement

    • AC_USA says:

      No one expects them to not do it! Just if you do it, protect yourself so that you dont get unwamted kids :) I agree with you

  27. AC_USA says:

    As sad as this is, this is probabbly the most entertaining thing that I have ever read on this site! And the comments are histerical! First of all Pipita if you don't want kids, close down the shop buddy! Or protect it. You can't just ef around and expect that she won't get pregnant. Serves you right man. Next time put a hat on it or just don't do anything at all. Simple as that. And by the way Xabi and Kaka need to sit the Madrid players down, because they seem like th only responsible adults on th team, and explain to them about how to use a condom and birth control. They obviously don't know! And I can't wait for Neymar's child to grow up just to see how it turns out. Kids having kids is not a good idea. Dear God they can't even take care of them selves (ahem condom-hellooo) and now they have a child to take care of. Awesome! Good luck both by the way!

    • Gladys says:

      I love your comment, though I think Kaka's advice would be abstinence, and we know how well that goes over for most young guys. Maybe include Iker, too. He manages to have relationships without impregnating anyone (plus, he has a girlfriend– whether you like her or not– with an actual career).

    • Raincitygirl says:

      What you said, although I agree with the reply below that Xabi and Iker would be a better bet for official RM sex educators than Xabi and Kaka. Love him though I do, most footballers are going to respond to the stricture, "Abstinence until your wedding night" with "Yeah, RIGHT!"

  28. Tee says:

    noooooooooooo. why pipita? what will come of the square dancing goal celebrations you so joyously execute with the Ramos (TM)???

  29. senora ramos says:

    pipita?! PIPITA?! W.T.F. i am at a loss right now

    • wow says:

      Chain up Ramos, on the bright side it's not Sergio!

      • Gladys says:

        I know things didn't work out with Lara Alvarez, but if he can just stay on that track in his taste, hopefully, The Ramos will be OK.

  30. Leya_S says:

    Oh FFS.
    This is ridiculous.
    I understand that accidents happen, BUUUUUUT let's be serious. This is happening all too often among ballers for my liking, whether its the baller's fault or the woman's fault.
    Maybe SEX ED needs to be next on FIFA's agenda.

  31. madridgirl says:

    omg….is dis really trueeee?????

  32. WAG2BE says:

    life just isnt fair. i will be in brazil in exactly 2 months one day and 9 hours. he couldnt have waited that long?!!???!. ive had a huge crush on neymar since i saw him play at the USA v Brazil game in august =(. WAY TO CRUSH MY HOPES AND DREAMS *sob* !!!!

  33. chay says:

    whoa … mi querido pipita! i'm speechless, truly. what's up with these ghetto mentality girls who get knocked up and want to keep it just because it's some famous person? Gross.

    i love you to pieces, pipita, but my god, put a hat on it!

    • @DebStimson says:

      Granted I'm sure there are women who are gold diggers but some women keep the baby because they don't believe in abortion.

      AND it does take two to make a baby so Pipita has just as much responsibility as the woman does.

      • chay says:

        you are correct, but i guess i have a very hard time believing a girl thinking, "wait a minute: i just slept with a really hot, REALLY RICH footballer and i'm pregnant. Oh dear, what should i do?"

        anyhow, when it comes down to it, both were at fault here, i think, unless pipita forced himself upon her, which would really suck.

      • chay says:

        and also, since i am pro-choice, my first thought was "Why keep it?" so thanks for reminding me of the other side.

  34. USAFan04 says:

    Let's be honest…Neymar's baby mama might not be underage, as they are in Brazil.

  35. CamiR says:

    NOOO!!! why pipa, why??

  36. noelia says:

    How did you hear that? I am from argentina and this information about Gonzalo unfortunately is true, and gonzalo is not happy. people who spend time talking nonsense about gonzalo's life or gonzalo's family .. I say GET A LIFE. Greetings.

    • @DebStimson says:

      poor guy…it's been a crazy year for him. :'{ Although, it's easy to blame the girl but she didn't become pregnant on her own.

      For all we know, he did use protection but accidents happen, even with birth control, vasectomies and tubal ligation. It is also possible that the baby is not his so hopefully he will have a paternity test done. It wouldn't be the first time that this has happened.

  37. RealMadrid fan says:

    seriously whores find a job and stop having sex for money !

  38. RealMadrid fan says:

    wait so his own mother gave birth to his own son ?

  39. JA7 says:

    Seriously, USE CONDOMS.

  40. Gladys says:

    Wow, I guess it is true what they say…midfielders are the smart ones on the pitch…. (sorry and only kidding…just feeling a little sick at this news for some reason.) Neymar makes me sad, but maybe he should move to Arsenal so he and Jackie can start a young dads club together. On the other hand, Pipita…oh my. I just hope he steps up and becomes a good father. I think I'll lock my RM visionscope on Granero from now on– he's the same age as Higgy and he's working on his psychology BA while playing on the team. So much sexier.

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Now I see cleary! Why Higuain is looking too angry lately in the games, I thought because he wants goals oh silly me! the guy is a new dad and not getting enough sleep.

      I think the easiest way to get a RM player nowday trick him to have your baby! xD, again RM spend a tiny tiny of the budget on some educational lessons.

      • Gladys says:

        Sarah, I think they need your sex education class immediately to avoid any more scowling players on the pitch (you're right– Pipita used to look so happy-go-lucky)! I'm particularly worried about Ozil for some reason– he seems lonely and like he might have poor judgement skills when it comes to the ladies.

    • @DebStimson says:

      Granero, not a bad choice at all!

      • Siv says:

        definitely not a bad choice, but he is also the faithful type with a longtime girlfriend. so….

        • Gladys says:

          Oh yeah, I think I knew that. I just meant to look at (I still have one toe in reality…or do I? ;) ). Both he and Llorente seem like the smart, faithful, reliable type, so it just makes them more crush-able in my eyes.

    • Winnie Mata says:

      Esteban Granero is the hipster Adonis. oh my.

  41. Anya says:


    Trapping a guy by getting pregnant…Sh*t never gets old!

    Looks like finding out about your child at last minute is very trendy with madridistas. First it was Metzelder, then Cristiano and now Pipita. This is hilarious! I'm waiting for Ozil's announcement. If that happens, I'll never stop laughing.

    Anyway, good luck for boys!

    • AC_USA says:

      Noooo, not Ozil :) God Forbid :) lol…I seriously would cry if that happened. Ozil dear, put a hat on it ! No glove, no love :)

  42. Lily says:

    I am baffled. Neymar knocked up a 17-year old and Higuain got the chick pregnant after one month…this is embarassing for both parties. Sometimes I think they actually seek women who will do these things.

    I don't feel bad for any of them, if you don't know how to use a condom then you deserve whatever you get. And if the girl said she was on birth control well, everybody lies. The fact that Higuain is crying because he never wanted kids shows how incredibly stupid these guys are. Hopefully it came with an STD too. Enjoy your child support payments.

    • Hil says:

      Exactly, lol though! There are smart girls out there doing things like this and i use the word ''smart'' losely in this case, clearly she trap him for life, maybe things like this and STI should happen to them, than they will all learn to think first before sanding there boys out to war!!!!!!!

    • AC_USA says:

      You go girl! Why would anyone feel bad? You dont want a kid? Its as easy as no glove no love! Use a condom and you will be just fine! As for being 19/17 and pregnant-dude I am 23 and I don't think I could handle a kid now! What a hell were they thinking ? :)

      • missbubless says:

        they werent thinking. thats the problem.
        Honestly, i feel sorry for the kid. I mean, he didnt waned one, hes not happy about being daddy. Is he still with that girl or?

  43. Says_who says:

    If you listen closely, you can hear the cries of a million and one Higuain and Neymar fan girls in reaction to this news! But joking aside, WHAT?!?! Pipita is going to be a daddy?! Neymar is going to be a daddy even though he and his baby carrier are just babies themselves?!
    Good luck to them all.

  44. MadridistaJenn says:

    Spitting out my martini-WHAT, BABY PIPITA-ITA?!? And Neymar is only a couple years removed from puberty! Whatever happened to "no glove, no love," "don't be silly, protect your willy," "cover your stump before you hump"?
    Why would anyone sleep with someone without protection, considering the risk of STDs, STIs, bouts with bumps and fire piss?
    Good luck to them all.

    • Yoss says:

      Actually, if he's 19 he's still in puberty. Male puberty ends around the time you're 20-21, so he's still a growing boy. xD

    • AC_USA says:

      Girl you don't even know how hard I am laughing at your comment!! Agree every single word :)

    • Winnie Mata says:

      LMAO! the hilarity of your comment distracted me from the severity of the situation lol, well done.

  45. Sarah, Madrid says:

    WHAT kickette! I didn't know that, he is a dad! noway, no way rumor right! and he didn't want babies, LUCKY b*****, she trapped him, I wish it was me, I want trapp him too! I need to go therapy right now, oh depression!

    I demand to have a safe-sex talk with all of Real Madrid players! They all are baby dadies apparently! This is an effing situation! I hope Iker had it and Benz too right next to Ozil. Mourinho talk with your boys, educate PLEASE!

    • @DebStimson says:

      100 thumbs up!

    • Siv says:

      Oezil should be fine, he was with an older woman before after all. Benz on the other hand…and oh god if Sergio ever goes down the same road, I think I'll have a heart attack. In fact, Pipita, you jumped onto the wagon before the Ramos??? speechless.

      • CamiR says:

        I have a feeling that Ozil is very much into his religion and thus I don't really think he would fall for something like that. Not to offend but I wouldn't have been surprised if it would have been Sergio, but Pipita??? :(

        • Sarah, Madrid says:

          Well, religion maybe! However Ozil can be tricked, I think every guy out-there can be tricked, it is not a hard job footballer or not!
          We should do this, who is gonna be the next baby dady on RM squad? Poll.

      • Winnie Mata says:

        Sergio has perfected the art of man-whorishness.
        even C-Ron got caught up before he did.
        that boy is slick.

  46. Hil says:

    say what? Condoms aren't a save haven for ballers these days it can get puncture apparently! congrats boys!!!!!!!!!!!