September 29th, 2009

Good Week/Bad Week: Bills, Booty and B-Days

Michael BallackGOOD WEEK

The Golden Age
Hats off to Francesco Totti and Michael Ballack for celebrating their 33rd birthdays last week. We’ll cheers to the three decades of computer-melting mancandy material they’ve supplied us with. You know, like this. And this. And also this – if you’re into that kind of thing.

Adobe Photoshop Elements 8
This photo-retouching program is barely seven days old but it’s already proving to be high-value. Just check out these Nereida Gallardo images (potentially NsoSFW) for proof. Unfortunately, Photoshop can’t alter one’s human form but we’re certain Nereida’s already sent a request to the programmers for future consideration.

Common Names
Suri Cruise is the latest gal to institute the “get in early” policy of WAGs – more recently the 3-year-old has been digging her tap shoe heels in the hottest Babybitcher commodity: Cruz Beckham. She makes him cupcakes in her Easy Bake, he shares his crayons…will this pairing last? We think nots, since she once made googly eyes at the eldest Beckham before.

If you have a booty so powerful and determined to be seen that it rips zippers open at the speed of light – and you’re not even remotely bothered by public viewing of said booty? Noemie Lenoir is definitely having a damn good week.


Adrian MutuCredit Checks
Dude can’t eat, can’t sleep and is considered not in the right frame of mind to play. In a recent Guardian interview, Mutu describes the effects of the Chelsea court-case ordeal and his inability to shell out the $15 sum (plus interest) he’s been ordered to pay: “It’s not a question of will but rather understanding of a rational and natural principle of not being capable.” This situation baffles us: surely when you are this attractive there are no laws under which you can be punished?

Insurance Bills
This morning we patched up Elite Eleven team member Niklas Bendtner with Barbie band-aids to help him recover from his minor car crash. And by minor, we mean, holy hell look at the state of that man’s motor car. Glad he’s okay.

The Gullible
Maurice Edu “seduced” Rangers TV “star” Lindsey Archibald by spending 80 pounds on a bottle of champagne only to kick her curbside moments after he got his “rocks off.” Important points of the story:  she was played by an American footballer, it was reported in the Scottish News of the World, there are too many air quotes for this girl to have anything but an awful week at work.  Did she really think this was going to be a long-term type of tryst?

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12 Responses to “Good Week/Bad Week: Bills, Booty and B-Days”

  1. aristeia says:

    Auguri Capitano! I love you more than words can say.

  2. FootballerChick43-&q says:

    Happy birthday, Micha!!! He really hasn't had a week that brilliant considering he's injured, but hope his birthday was good nonetheless.

    I think Suri is the most gorgeous kid ever. But the fact that if Cruz ever took Suri's last name, he would become Cruz Cruise is far too disturbing to make that story cute.

    Wow, Noemie Lenoir. Just… wow.

    Glad Bendtner got out alive!! Hope he's doing okay.

  3. Stefanni says:

    Meu Amor<
    Parabéns querido, desejo para você saúde, muuuuitos gols, campeonato$, alegrias na vida…e uma bela…


  4. Dee13 says:

    oooo micha how i love thee.. *~* happy belated bday to both him and totti… (: oh and sheva too.. (:

  5. Eva says:

    Lawd hammercy!

    I read somewhere that she hopped in a taxi and drove over to his house @ 1am….

    I need Lindsey Archibald's friends to teach ol' girl the difference between meaningful & loving sex and A BOOTYCALL, cuz this girl is more lost than the 324 people on board of Oceanic Flight 815!!!!

    (sorry, my Lost-marathon took it's toll on my brain (: )

  6. c9 says:

    Not only did you post something about my girl crush Noemie, but you had to go and post a link that would show me her ***! You rock kickette!!!!!

  7. NinyaC says:

    Ballack!!! I love you!

  8. Anna(Frau Neuer) says:

    ee happy belated bday to ballack and totti! XD. oh, today is also shevchenko's 33rd bday.

    well, photoshop rocks, even if it's helping whatsherface

  9. Rusty (Mrs Fritz) says:

    Poor Ballack hasn’t had a good week, really, but happy belated to him!

  10. Elise says:

    Kickette, thanks for remembering Michael Ballack's birthday! And for posting the lovely pic, too. And a Happy Belated Birthday to the lovely Francesco Totti, too!

  11. Sarah says:

    Hahahahahaa at the Edu story. I don't even know what else to say.

  12. Regiane says:

    Happy belated b'day to my gorgeous Italian capitano Totti and also to the hard-nippled German hottie!!!