GOOD WEEK
The Golden Age
Hats off to Francesco Totti and Michael Ballack for celebrating their 33rd birthdays last week. We’ll cheers to the three decades of computer-melting mancandy material they’ve supplied us with. You know, like this. And this. And also this – if you’re into that kind of thing.
Adobe Photoshop Elements 8
This photo-retouching program is barely seven days old but it’s already proving to be high-value. Just check out these Nereida Gallardo images (potentially NsoSFW) for proof. As earth-shattering an invention as the microwave, you will be as amazed as she was to see the finished products. Unfortunately, Photoshop can’t alter ones human form but we’re certain Nereida’s already sent a request to the programmers for future consideration.
Common Names
Suri Cruise is the latest gal to institute the “get in early” policy of WAGs – more recently the 3-year-old has been digging her tap shoe heels in the hottest Babybitcher commodity: Cruz Beckham. She makes him cupcakes in her Easy Bake, he shares his crayons…will this pairing last? We think nots, since she once made googly eyes at the eldest Beckham before. Â
Confidence
If you have a booty so powerful and determined to be seen that it rips zippers open at the speed of light – and you’re not even remotely bothered by public viewing of said booty? Noemie Lenoir is definitely having a damn good week.
 BAD WEEK
Credit Checks
Dude can’t eat, can’t sleep and is considered not in the right frame of mind to play. In a recent Guardian interview, Mutu describes the effects of the Chelsea court-case ordeal and his inability to shell out the $15 sum (plus interest) he’s been ordered to pay: “It’s not a question of will but rather understanding of a rational and natural principle of not being capable.” This situation baffles us: surely when you are this attractive there are no laws under which you can be punished?
Insurance Bills
This morning we patched up Elite Eleven team member Niklas Bendtner with Barbie band-aids to help him recover from his minor car crash. And by minor, we mean, holy hell look at the state of that man’s motor car. Glad he’s okay.
The Gullible
Maurice Edu “seduced” Rangers TV “star” Lindsey Archibald by spending 80 pounds on a bottle of champagne only to kick her curbside moments after he got his “rocks off.” Important points of the story: she was played by an American footballer, it was reported in the Scottish News of the World, there are too many air quotes for this girl to have anything but an awful week at work.  Did she really think this was going to be a long-term type of tryst?
Auguri Capitano! I love you more than words can say.