March 23rd, 2012

Good Week/Bad Week: Burns, Breaks & Suspicious Looking Bunnies

According to DC’s Director of Marketing Communications, Kyle Sheldon, the creature on the left is a bunny. Which only makes sense if you’ve seen the dog and cat. Image via kckrs.

When leaving the bathroom in a nightclub or bar, please ensure that your skirt isn’t tucked into your undies and your shoes aren’t trailing 18 feet of toilet roll.

If you see anyone over the weekend sporting one or both of these looks, move slowly away. You’ve just met a Kickette staffer.

GOOD WEEK

Small & Squishy Creatures: A cuddly toy is an ideal receptacle for smuggling contraband cake into controlled environments, so props to D.C. United, whose recently launched line of branded toys (once all the stuffing has been ripped out) should provide an almost perfect cupcake sized aperture. We’ll let you know how they work once we’ve gym tested them.

Faithful Friends & Fans: With tributes pouring in from around the world all week, we’re thrilled to be able to tell you that Fabrice Muamba is on the road to recovery. The Bolton midfielder, who collapsed during Bolton’s FA Cup fixture vs. Spurs last Sunday, has spent the week in hospital but his family have issued a statement thanking everybody for their support and confirming he is making great progress, although he has a long way to go.

Kickette Island Tater Tots: Our suspicions that Real Madrid are surreptitiously reading our site and stealing our brilliant ideas were confirmed yesterday when the club announced plans to build a Kickette Island style resort in the UAE. Obviously we’ve instructed our lawyers to sue their backsides off, but we’re prepared to forgive them if they bear the cost of building the damn thing and offer us lifetime VIP accommodation.

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BAD WEEK

Darren Mattocks (l) needs a personal chef. Any volunteers? Image: Jamie Squire/Getty Images.

Chef Duff: Although the Da Silva twins made a fairly decent fist of Pancake Day, our general opinion is that footballers should rely on takeaways for sustenance. Either that or get a personal chef. This sentiment was proved correct this week by Vancouver Whitecaps striker Darren Mattocks, who had to go to hospital after burning his arm and shoulder while cooking dinner. A team spokesmen described the incident as “unfortunate” but seemed no more clued up as to what actually happened than we are.

Not-So-Nice Touch: Wayne Rooney has apologised to a nine-year-old boy who broke his wrist while acting as an involuntary shot shopper prior to the Wolves game. Jamie Thomas was sitting behind the goal watching Wazza-Muffin practice, when a ball travelling at approximately 900mph passed the goalpost and hit his arm. The player tweeted the apology, then confirmed he’d arranged for a signed shirt and card to be sent to Jamie, who is presumably extremely grateful he is not six inches shorter.

Cut It With The Cancer Sticks: Defender Fabio Coentrao has angered the Spanish press by getting caught smoking outside his own birthday party. While smoking is, in fact, evil and wrong, compared to other examples of footballer bad behaviour lately, were pretty sure we’ll find it in our hearts to forgive him.

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Over and out, girls and boys!

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12 Responses to “Good Week/Bad Week: Burns, Breaks & Suspicious Looking Bunnies”

  1. Agnes Wonka says:

    Poor that kid Jamie Thomas! :s

    Fabio Coentrao has to admit what he did instead of getting angry!

  2. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Great news about Muamba, I love how connected the football world, such a beautiful game!!

    I wonder if I stayed in the resort, well Iker be passing around our room offering us hot coacoa yum and option to cuddle with? isn't possible to get a room with featuring Ramos! I can't wait for this resort to open, it looks beyond awesome!

  3. Dan Striker says:

    Greet news about Fabrice Muamba – lets hope he makes a full recovery.

  4. littlegreenpea says:

    Kickette, are you planning to update the Elite Eleven anytime soon?

  5. Kat22 says:

    Such great news about Muamba! Honestly – who'd have thought he'd recover after seeing him collapse like that?
    And how wonderful is it to see football players and supporters from different clubs and different countries unite in their well wishes for him. Proof that sometimes football really does bring people together. :-)

  6. IrishBlue says:

    Good Week: I got my tickets for the Champion's League quarter-final against Benfica in Stamford Bridge! Woo!

    • Gladys says:

      Congratulations! I'm jealous– but in a good-spirited way!!! Enjoy the game. (I'll be doing so on a hopefully decent Internet feed.)

      • IrishBlue says:

        Really looking forward to it, haven't been over in a good while and if the atmosphere is anything like the Napoli night it should be great!

    • littlegreenpea says:

      that's definately a good week! Eva Carniero (and the rest of Chelsea) up close! Wahoo!

    • Kat22 says:

      Congrats! :-)

    • Dols says:

      Congrats! It will be an epic game!
      After today's game… it weems like we (CFC) are less likely to go to CL next year ;-( KTBFFH!