May 6th, 2011

Good Week/Bad Week: Lost In Translation

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With stories as vital and varied as David Luiz’ language lunacy, Helen Flanagan’s root issues and Peter Crouch’s wedding woes, Kickette’s Good Week/Bad Week column is the only place you can arm yourself with the information you need for a successful weekend.


Lovin’ Luiz: Anyone who hasn’t fallen in love with Chelsea’s David Luiz already should brace themselves for the flutters. Not since Jimmy Bullard’s Sky TV shenanigans has a player tangled with a TV camera with such hilarious consequences, as we watch the non-English speaking Luiz interfere with an interview conducted with colleagues Frank Lampard & Fernando Torres. Former Nandina lovers should look out for their boy’s inability to keep a straight face and fall in love all over again.

Arise, Sir Davey: Fresh from the Royal Wedding, David Beckham has thrown new impetus behind his campaign to become an honorary monarch by expressing a desire to be involved in the 2012 Olympic GB soccer team. Becks, who will be 37 years old by the time the games hit London, is hoping to have some on-pitch involvement but would take a non-playing role at a push.  He loves his footie, that boy.

No More Tears: The worst kept secret in entertainment finally broke cover yesterday when ex-club member Cheryl Cole was confirmed as a judge on the US version of talent show ‘The X-Factor‘. For UK based Kickettes, this is extra good news as it means she won’t be featuring on the UK version of the show this year. For US based Kickettes, a warning: she cries. A lot.


Hair Hassles: While the matter hasn’t exactly been keeping us awake at night, it appears that Helen Flanagan’s roots are causing consternation in certain quarters of the press. HelFlan, (currently dating Swansea City’s Scott Sinclair, for those who have fallen asleep at the back) recently traded her long, dark locks in for an Agyness Deyn style blond crop and is now being critiqued for her upkeep issues. Damn, those reporters should pop by the Kickette office. Our dark roots, if laid end to end, would easily stretch to Kickette Island and back.

Red Card: Hot bish mama Abbey Clancy has banned fiance Peter Crouch from having a stag do. Peter, who has expressed a worrying misunderstanding of the term ‘exclusive’ in recent months, will not be allowed to celebrate his impending nups with his boys in the traditional manner, and ‘has reluctantly agreed to a quiet family dinner’ instead. Let that be a lesson to you, Petey boy.

Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Sad Note: Having highlighted Yolanthe Cabau’s apparant lack of concern for her TV show’s poor ratings last week, we are sad to report that we may have uncovered the reason why. Yolanthe tweeted that she had lost her beloved grandmother on Sunday, thus hurling all other matters into the ‘whothehellcares’ drawer. Our sincere best wishes to Yolanthe at this difficult time.

And Kickettes, don’t forget to give your grandparents an extra hug next time you see ‘em. They’re special, y’know.

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47 Responses to “Good Week/Bad Week: Lost In Translation”

  1. Catie2838 says:

    Nando's accent is sexy, and David Luiz! "They're speaking…words. Words I don't know. I shall nod along, maybe bounce my head with each word. AHA! Nando said 'me!' I know that one! Hmmm…. Lampie. I will touch his face. It's so soft. The people at home really should know just how soft. Let's have a closer look…"

    And on a less fun note, if Abbey has to ban her almost hubby from having a bachelor party because of what he did at the last one he attended, then they really shouldn't be getting married AT ALL. I understand the timing of his douche bag antics and her pregnancy probably made her feel like she had no option if she wanted to keep her family together, but if she doesn't trust him in the days before the wedding what the hell makes her think she can trust him after? I get the feeling this whole thing is going to end badly :( .

  2. LoveDavidLuiz says:

    David Luiz continues his Chelsea TV silent comedy routine.…

    Love him !!!

  3. nasri#8 says:

    David Luiz awsome player never noticed that his so cute.. loved this interview so funny nodding his head non stop.

  4. Angela says:

    David Luiz is awesome, there's a few funny videos like this one back when he played in Benfica. We (benfica fans) feel so lucky to have had a player like him in our club, we will always love him !

    (speaking of Benfica, you should check some of the players, they're really cute ahah specially Pablo Aimar and Javi Garcia :P )

  5. FloraJane says:

    Torres is kind of adorable, isn't he? :) And Luiz is dorky cute. And Frank is just fabulous and adorable and all those lovely words like that! If it wasn't staged, then Frank handled it all very well, keeping a straight face and answering the questions seriously right up until the last few minutes when you can see he's fighting a laugh. And then arms around each other. Win!!!

  6. @mezz98 says:

    I may dislike Chelsea, but David Luiz is adorable. Also, I want to touch his hair. SO. BAD.

  7. Marose says:

    David is so funny! Nando is adorable as ever! This made my day.

  8. sheila says:

    Why is AC even marrying that clown? Give me one good reason.
    He is totally out-kicking his coverage with her.

  9. Ciotog says:

    He is just too adorkable and random for words;-) <3<3<3
    Some more clips of David being David:

    • Lotte says:

      Chelsea fans are lucky to have that cutie pie in their team. Thanks for the vids.

      • Ciotog says:

        No probs, I'm not a Chelsea fan but he's a perfect antidote to all the Classico Drama

  10. rubyqueen says:

    i don't blame abbey for banning peter's stag night.can you really blame her after peter's actions.

  11. Chefdi says:

    I also thank you for the smiles this gave ~ flippin' adorable!

  12. mochara says:

    It was definitely Luiz who stroked Lamps, apparently they planned this whole thing before the invterview! Still though, what a nutter!

  13. genna says:

    David Luiz ,,oh my god ,,i'm in LOVE

  14. Sophie says:

    I cant be the only one who doesn't like Luiz, it was funny for the first 30 seconds but 3 minutes later it is just annoying, You could see Lampard was embarrassed by it.

    • GigiSantaCruz says:

      Sorry to say that darling, but i DO think you're the only person who doesn't like Luiz… I don't think Frank was embarrassed by him… I think Frank was just trying to refrain from laughing coz it was an interview, but that doesn't mean he wasn't enjoying the funny person that Luiz is. We, Brazilians, tend to take things lightly and we are not very serious all the time. I don't see any harm in that!!!

      • Lotte says:

        I think that the press in England knows David Luiz by now and that the interview was kind of "staged" so people could have a laugh AND listen to sensible words from Lampard. I don't think Lampard had anything against that. Sometimes you gotta lighten things up a bit and having guys like Luiz on your team really helps. I think it's wonderful!

      • @DebStimson says:

        "We, Brazilians, tend to take things lightly and we are not very serious all the time."

        Marcelito <3 He's like a kid in a man's body.

  15. Zahara says:

    i think generally, the curly haired players have had an extreme effect on me…especially this week.
    first, it was puyol, when he chucked his shirt at the last clasico…and i havent been able to stop thinking about him!
    now, david luiz, and im in love!
    i love his randomness, his personality, his exotic sideshow bob looks..jeez im hooked. and god knows i love his hair.

    the only bad thing is that he plays for chelsea.grr he should move to arsenal.
    and nando's accent oohlala!still mad at him though..but good for him , he scored!

    • Zahara says:

      oh and i forgot, this video made me laugh for like two minutes crazy histerical laughter.
      you go, kickette!

    • Gladys says:

      Ahhh, the curly hair. It is a problem. (And I mean a problem in a good way.) I have the disease, too. I think it just makes a face all the more angelic.

      • Zahara says:

        definitely in a good way!
        youre right, its like they can do no wrong.

    • Leya_S says:

      HAHAHA David Luiz at Arsenal!!!!!
      The Adorkables would definitely have a place for him.
      Love it.

  16. JA7 says:

    LOOOOOL!! woowww david luiz is sooooo freakin cute! I love how he was noddin his head half the time and his facial expressions were so funny! The end made me laugh out loud with his unexpected 'C'mon Chelsea' hahah he's soo adorable :D

  17. Jen says:

    David Luiz is insane…….I totally cracked up every time he nodded and pretended to understand what Frank and Nando were saying. On the Nando front, I still am mad at him for leaving, but happy that he did finally get a goal. Nothing eases a heartbreak like replacing one sullen Spaniard with a two talented and cheerful lads from Urugauy and Newcastle!!

  18. Leaaa says:

    I really felt the personal space intrusion when David stroked Lamps….

  19. Ofeily9 says:

    David Luiz … I LOVE HIM. Sadly he plays fo Chelsea, though he's a so damn cute ! Whouawh. You need to check out the vid with Di Maria :D

  20. nandosfreckles says:

    Haha David Luiz is adorable, the way he just kept nodding without understanding anything, what a sweetheart!
    "C'mon chelsea!' his accent is just so adorable!

  21. blitzenTO says:

    David Luiz is gorgeous and hilarious. Unfortunately he plays for Chelsea and is a bit of a God-boy to boot, which puts me off, but I'll just put that aside and enjoy the pretty.

    • footballandme says:

      A bit of a god boy? Didnt know there was something wrong with that..

      • Gladys says:

        I'm not religious but for some reason that makes him even more adorable. I guess I like it when players aren't predictable, and to me, DL looks like he'd be rolling out of a sweet 70's van with a large smoking joint in his mouth (not that you couldn't be into god and do that, too, I guess).

      • blitzenTO says:

        Nothing "wrong" with it, it's just not where I'm at. Kind of spoils the fantasy for me. I like them a bit down and dirty.

  22. Gladys says:

    How is it that Cesc did not get a birthday shout out this week?! Happy 24 doughnuts to him! May 4 – Pique, via Facebook, reminded me with his adorable moc moc moc wishes. What happened, Kickette? Are you saving the news for an extra special belated section? (Or maybe it was mentioned in the section on his breakup and I just wasn't paying attention. If so, my apologies).

    • Clare 22 says:

      havn't had the chance to check the page in a few days so came on esp to see the birthday wishes to cesc too…….very disappointing no birthday wishes to the birthday boy :( :( guess he celebrated on his ownsome with actimel, doughnuts and kinder eggs galore :P …i would have shared cesc if only you'd asked ;) ;)

  23. Merel says:

    I loveeeee the last 5 seconds of the video! I can watch it for thousand times. love the smiles : )

  24. footballandme says:

    Can Luiz get any cuter? Its obvious that he understood not on single word of what Nando or Fwankie were saying but yet my eyes just went to him… Adorable! Him and Hernandez are my guilty pleasures now ;D ;D

  25. Summer says:

    David Luiz…David Luiz I simply adore this man, he's much more than funny and adorable, he's fantastic. Crazy but lovely. His "C'mon Chelsea" made me laugh a lot 2 weeks ago and still now I can't stop laughing…The best thing to arrive in Premier League as IrishBlue say!

  26. IrishBlue says:

    I love the bit where he strokes Frank's cheek, he's adorable beyond words. David Luiz is the best thing to arrive in the Premier League this season. Fact. C'mon Chelsea!! Hee……

    • Coco says:

      Isn't it Nando who strokes Frank? It looks like it and makes more sense since Frank is talking about the goal that moment and David doesn't understand a word.
      All three of them are totally adorable! Love them!

      • IrishBlue says:

        I dunno I thought it was David, I can't really imagine Nando reaching over to give Frank a rub, irresistible as he is :D

    • Leya_S says:

      I broke out into full-on giggles when David stroked Frankie's cheek, lol.
      And his "C'mon Chelsea" just made both Fern and Frank (and me) burst out laughing. I love him. David Luiz…he's fantastic.

  27. Lotte says:

    So in love! In love, love, love! This, and a glass of Cava while making dinner, made my friday night. Thank you Kickette!