May 6th, 2011
Good Week/Bad Week: Lost In Translation
With stories as vital and varied as David Luiz’ language lunacy, Helen Flanagan’s root issues and Peter Crouch’s wedding woes, Kickette’s Good Week/Bad Week column is the only place you can arm yourself with the information you need for a successful weekend.
Lovin’ Luiz: Anyone who hasn’t fallen in love with Chelsea’s David Luiz already should brace themselves for the flutters. Not since Jimmy Bullard’s Sky TV shenanigans has a player tangled with a TV camera with such hilarious consequences, as we watch the non-English speaking Luiz interfere with an interview conducted with colleagues Frank Lampard & Fernando Torres. Former Nandina lovers should look out for their boy’s inability to keep a straight face and fall in love all over again.
Arise, Sir Davey: Fresh from the Royal Wedding, David Beckham has thrown new impetus behind his campaign to become an honorary monarch by expressing a desire to be involved in the 2012 Olympic GB soccer team. Becks, who will be 37 years old by the time the games hit London, is hoping to have some on-pitch involvement but would take a non-playing role at a push. He loves his footie, that boy.
No More Tears: The worst kept secret in entertainment finally broke cover yesterday when ex-club member Cheryl Cole was confirmed as a judge on the US version of talent show ‘The X-Factor‘. For UK based Kickettes, this is extra good news as it means she won’t be featuring on the UK version of the show this year. For US based Kickettes, a warning: she cries. A lot.
Hair Hassles: While the matter hasn’t exactly been keeping us awake at night, it appears that Helen Flanagan’s roots are causing consternation in certain quarters of the press. HelFlan, (currently dating Swansea City’s Scott Sinclair, for those who have fallen asleep at the back) recently traded her long, dark locks in for an Agyness Deyn style blond crop and is now being critiqued for her upkeep issues. Damn, those reporters should pop by the Kickette office. Our dark roots, if laid end to end, would easily stretch to Kickette Island and back.
Red Card: Hot bish mama Abbey Clancy has banned fiance Peter Crouch from having a stag do. Peter, who has expressed a worrying misunderstanding of the term ‘exclusive’ in recent months, will not be allowed to celebrate his impending nups with his boys in the traditional manner, and ‘has reluctantly agreed to a quiet family dinner’ instead. Let that be a lesson to you, Petey boy.
Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
Sad Note: Having highlighted Yolanthe Cabau’s apparant lack of concern for her TV show’s poor ratings last week, we are sad to report that we may have uncovered the reason why. Yolanthe tweeted that she had lost her beloved grandmother on Sunday, thus hurling all other matters into the ‘whothehellcares’ drawer. Our sincere best wishes to Yolanthe at this difficult time.
And Kickettes, don’t forget to give your grandparents an extra hug next time you see ‘em. They’re special, y’know.