March 30th, 2012

Good Week/Bad Week: Sackings, Special Reports & Semantics

Ibrahim Affellay and a pack of his Barca teammates headed to the DSquared store in Milan earlier today.

There’s some serious weirdness going on in the world of football, Kickettes, and this time it’s got nothing to do with our staffers and their nefarious nocturnal activities.

Well, not all of it, anyway.


Probably need to deal with your own bouff before pointing out the deficiencies in his, RvP. We’re just sayin’. Image via ontd_football.

Happy Hours: The Brazilian authorities have finally relented and agreed to lift the alcohol ban in football stadia for the duration of the World Cup 2014. Sponsors including Budweiser had been pushing for approval of the bill in favour of temporary ban, which faced opposition in Brazil’s parliament. For their part, FIFA are “pleased“. We greet the news with caution and for once, find ourselves in the unusual position of hoping FIFA are right.

For Goodness Sake, Blend!: Finally the matters of real importance in football (i.e the ones that we cover) are being treating with a modicum of seriousness by the football community at large. Please enjoy this special video report on Arsenal defender Carl Jenkinson’s new “wide mohican” haircut, the possible implications for Arsenal’s season, and the stoicism with which the young player has greeted his team and captain’s disapproval. Next week, Fabio Coentrao speaks frankly about tramlines and other weapons of mass distraction employed by Real’s Thighmaster General.

Say What?: Tests on Bolivian farmers have proved the obvious: playing football gives men a boost in testosterone . According to the Daily Star, this explains why footballers are forever getting caught up in sex scandals. Sounds a lot like the Kickette Scientific ManCandy Research Institute‘s brand of random thinking, so we’ll buy it. For now.


Olimpiakos players take note: Undergarments like this are unacceptable in certain parts of South London. Image: AP Photo/Mikhail Metzel.

In-Koming?: Rumour has it that former (alright, alleged) Ronaldo botherer, Kim Kardashian, is continuing her quest to conquer the UK. And this time her target is way bigger than the likes of Wayne Bridge. The reality “star” has apparently arranged a viewing of the Beckham’s former residence, which they recently put up for sale. Our sympathies go out to Beckingham Palace.

In-ter Out-er: Claudio Ranieri finally got his marching orders from Inter Milan this week, after a series of poor results that saw his side dumped out of the Champions League, the Coppa Italia and the Serie A title race. For the time being, youth team coach Andrea Stramaccioni has taken charge, but the number of candidates said to be in line for the high profile job implies his tenure will be brief. Who do you fancy for the job, Kickettes? Literally and figuratively.

Definitely Not Tights: If you’re a real man, wearing tights is a no-no, says Millwall manager Kenny Jackett. However, if you have cold legs (or indeed a hamstring strain) and don’t fancy getting chased around the pitch by a bunch of irate Millwall fans, simply point out that you are wearing “long undershorts” (1:00) and it’ll be ok.

For more incomprehensible reasoning – like why a baboon would win a fight against a badger – check out Kenny’s interview on PopBitch.

Ed Note: After we originally compiled this post, news broke about Stiliyan Petrov’s acute leukemia diagnosis. Petrov played a full 90 minutes in Villa’s game vs. Arsenal on Saturday but felt unwell after the game and underwent tests that revealed the condition. Several players have tweeted messages of goodwill and we know you would like to join us in sending our love and best wishes to Stiliyan and his family at this difficult time.

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40 Responses to “Good Week/Bad Week: Sackings, Special Reports & Semantics”

  1. Rocko says:

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  2. liz1 says:

    hahaha kickette, have you seen the "special report" arsenal had completely devoted to carl jenkinson's 'wide mohican'?…
    must have been a slow news week…

  3. Josh Tarrant says:

    Not been a good couple of weeks in Football.
    Good luck to Petrov.

  4. Dee says:

    First and most importantly – my prayers and well wishes are with Petrov and his family. Such terrible news.

    And second, Ibrahim is very handsome. The picture doesn't do him justice. Watch this video with snippets of an interview he did. His eyes are the most gorgeous brown eyes I've ever seen….mesmerizing!

  5. Kat89 says:

    Holy Bejeezuz this Ibrahim what what is so sexy Gawd Damn

  6. Rachael says:

    Get well soon Petrov, Muamba and Abidal would be amazing if all recover and get the chance to be strong enough to play again!

  7. EvilBean says:

    Hope Petrov makes a speedy recovery. Can't blame him for retiring from football, it's just not important in the fight he is about to enter.

  8. Marisol says:

    Did anyone notice that all the girls were taking pictures of Cristian and not even bothered with Ibi and Pedro. That man is gorgeous!!!
    On another serious note, I'm devastated by the ailments that have come upon football players. It just goes to show you that no one is exempt and even the fittest players become ill. Get better soon Petrov, Muamba, King Abi, and everyone else who is sick. I'll be praying for you all. <3

    • Utd Girl says:

      Wow, I actually didn't realize that ALL those girls were all over Cristian. I don't blame them, but if I was there, it would have been all about Ibi! He is so cute and adorable. Love him!

  9. sarah. says:

    crissssssss *.*

  10. esther says:

    Think Ibi (Afellay) is still single. Carefully watched over by his older brother and his mum.

  11. sarah says:

    Kim and her big fat ass full of plastic should stay away from football.

  12. KSmith says:

    Love that picture of RvP, it's just Arteta's disgusted face in the background. He his not happy with anyones hair except his own

  13. Agnes Wonka says:

    Ugh I hate so much Kim Kardashian and the whole fugly Kardashian clan! I'll never get why they're so succesful :S

    • Utd Girl says:

      I agree. She needs to STAY AWAY from everything football! We all know what a jersey chaser she is!

    • laligagirl says:

      I know her connection is to the Beckham's former home, but why can't there be one – just one – place on the internet where I don't have see/hear anything about this fameho? I don't understand her fame either.

    • esther says:

      Hate her too. Why would anyone like her? Can someone please tell me?

    • Lady Bella says:

      Kim has a big ass and a sextape. That's her claim to fame. That, and shilling and every product on the planet.

  14. IrishBlue says:

    Oh. My. Gawd. Ibrahim!

  15. IrishBlue says:

    Absolutely awful news about Petrov, my thoughts are with him. Hopefully they have caught it early and he makes a great recovery.

  16. Kristina says:

    Barca is the team to watch! For more than one reason. Can't wait 'til Ibi gets some time on the pitch. All my best wishes to him!

    And all my best wishes to Petrov. It's so sad. I hope that he will be able to recover.

  17. FiFi says:

    Thoughts and prayers with Petrov and his family at such a horrible time. As I think showed with Fabrice Muamba, some things just transcend rivalries.

  18. littlegreenpea says:

    Ibrahim… :D
    Good luck to Petrov. I wish there weren't so many sick people in the world.

  19. Utd Girl says:

    Oh Ibi, I have missed your beautiful face!

    On a serious note, well wishes to Petrov!

    And happy happy birthday to Senor Ramos!

  20. JaneSpotting says:

    Holy Batmobile indeed. Hello Ibrahim…geez..and there I was avoiding watching Barca. Must catch a glimplse soon.

  21. Loninha - Brasil says:

    What fun is money and not spend it, no of course!

  22. JA7 says:

    FINALLY SOME IBI! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM ON KICKETTE (hence the caps lock) askjdhadsh
    Oh, he might be given the medical green light on tuesday after the milan game! *fingers crossed*

    On a side note, it's really shocking to hear about Petrov. Thoughts are with him & his family! :(

  23. mata says:

    Think the real bad-week news is Aston Villa's skipper Petrov being diagnosed with Leukaemia. So sad.

  24. Gladys says:

    Holy Barca hotness! Ibi's back and that ACL tear withered away none of the sexy. Can't wait to see him play soon.

    On a far more serious note, that is crushing about Stan Petrov. It's amazing that he's been playing regularly all season until this weekend (a member of my family had the same symptoms as a child– a flu that just didn't seem to go away). Much support to him and his family. What a tough disease, though he is young and strong and will hopefully conquer it.

    • April says:

      Agreed- I hope that he is able to fight the disease and lead a happy and long life.

  25. lydia says:

    I'm surprised Kickette didn't give a shout out to Manuel Neuer this week. It was his birthday, on the 27th. Happy 26th!!!! :D