July 15th, 2011
Good Week/Bad Week: Veggies & Vehicular Violence
If all else fails, Cristiano can always be relied upon to provide us with a much needed boost in the morning. Image: PacificCoastNews.com/Zimbio
How come the weekend seems further away than ever on a Friday morning? Allow us to divert your attention from the responsibilities of being a grown-up for a few minutes with a some perky stories from the past week.
Scopin’ Hope: We weren’t entirely surprised to read that USWNT ‘keeper Hope Solo was trending on Twitter after the side’s game against Brazil last Sunday. Solo’s ‘skills’ have already been noted by a significant minority of you lot, who it seems are now campaigning for her inclusion in the next Finest Five. Do you guys not think we have enough trouble with that damn list, without making the selection pool co-ed? Anyway, whatever. Hope Solo for President if USA win the WWC. You read it here first.
Beautiful Baby Becks: So, after the press deprived us of several months worth of speculation as to the origins of Harper Seven Beckham’s name, Mama B has expressed her love for her new ally in her house of testosterone. Apparently, HSB is ‘the most beautiful baby girl’ VB has ever seen. Awww. We’re really touched. We might even suspend snarking for a mo. Oh no, wait a sec…
Gettin’ Fruity: Great news for Spanish cucumber producers! La Liga club Sevilla have come out in support of the beleaguered farmers of our favourite green salad fruit (yep, it is, we checked), whose produce was initially and erroneously blamed for an E.coli outbreak in Germany recently. The Sevilla players will be sporting a badge on their new shirts that features the slogan ‘I (love) cucumbers’, above a picture of, yes, a cucumber. Next week, Sergio Ramos expresses vague disinterest towards a pomegranate.
Road Wars: We know it’s tough to drive a golf cart. Admittedly our experiences tend to towards the ‘stolen while drunk, across the golf course, in the dark, pursued by a furious greenkeeper) end of the spectrum, but as this latest video from Real Madrid’s pre-season tour in the US shows, even daylight on tarmac can be fraught with danger. We must ask, Real Madrid fans. Is a glimpse of tanned thigh really worth a heavy blow to the face from a small motorised vehicle? Meh, probably.
Crimes Against Pimping: El Hadj Diouf has gone missing. The Blackburn Rovers player hasn’t been seen since he was asked to leave the training ground in May after inappropriately flashing his SPL winners medal around while Rovers were struggling for EPL survival. Now it transpires that he hasn’t reported for pre-season training. Hmm. Can’t they just put an APB out for heinously pimped out vehicles? He can’t be that difficult to spot, surely?
Worth A Try: In an attempt to placate the Bayern Munich fans who have opposed his signing for their club since it was first mooted, Manuel Neuer met with a group of their representatives this week. The Ultras (dictionary definition: possibly a tad batshit extremist fans whose club means more to them than their mothers) listened to Neuer’s requests to cease the protests, which have occurred at training sessions and pre-season games, and then released the following statement: ‘During the meeting, we explained how he should behave towards us. If Manuel Neuer observes the rules of conduct and maintains a respectful distance (from us), there will be no more protests or organised demonstrations against him.’
Respect? Really, boys?