June 24th, 2011
Good Week/Bad Week: Wrong Way Round
Right. Er… on the plus side, Spurs can be assured that the chances of running into another team in European football with a lavender away kit are limited. Still, we’re not going to turn down an opportunity to gaze adoringly into Rafael van der Vaart eyes, regardless of his attire. Images via waatp, Getty Images/Daylife.
Do you often read our posts and think that our drink related ineptitude is just an excuse for not doing any work? Before we move into the week’s news proper, allow us to avail you of an event that happened to one of our beloved staff this week, and see if you still feel the same way.
The woman in question (who shall remain nameless for reasons that will become clear) decided to take a quick power-nap at 4pm one day last week, prior to attending a drinks party at a friend’s house at 7.30pm. She duly awoke, noted the time and hastened round to said friend’s house brandishing her customary bucket of wine, only to be advised that it was actually 7.30am, she had slept for fifteen hours and she and her cheap alcohol were not welcome.
Sigh. It’s a true story. Now, do you see? It’s a ruddy miracle we post anything on this site. Ever.
Transfer Totty: Congrats to England winger Ashley Young, who significantly increased interest in his personal circumstances this week by signing a lucrative five-year contract with Manchester United. The ex-Villa man is reportedly going to be earning in the region of £120,000 a week, but despite his excitement at signing for ‘one of the biggest clubs in the world’, he knows as well as we do that everyone is more keen on finding out why he and long-term partner Nicky Pike postponed their wedding just prior to his sunshine break in Vegas.
Savage In Spandex: Robbie Savage has tempered speculation that he will be appearing on the UK’s equivalent of ‘Dancing With The Stars’ by saying that he feels the British public should be spared the sight of his lycra clad body. The former Derby County midfielder had been tipped to appear on the next series of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ but claims he hates spandex. Having (sort of) seen him ‘dressed up’ (left) we can’t help but concur.
Shakira, Shakira: Shakira has never made a secret of her concern for others; even taking the time out of her busy day to remind us that her girls are ‘small and humble’ so more geographically challenged people don’t make the fatal error of mistaking them for mountains. Now it appears she has expanded her horizons, advising this week that she “…want(s) a world that works as a team, as Barça does. This way we can win the match against discrimination.”
Amaze-balls: You can usually expect to find headlines like ‘International sex-biscuit scores goal’ in the Good Week section, but while Chicharito’s er… strike against Honduras was as ace as any we’ve seen from the lad, the fact that the ball rebounded off his crotch and into the net is worrying for any Kickette with nefarious aspirations. Watch and cringe, people.
Cups Runneth Over: Similarly, Santos winning their first Copa Libertadores title since 1963 would generally be a cause for celebration, but nobody told their opponents Penarol, who took the blowing of the final whistle as a signal to express their disappointment. Cue large melee, lots of swinging fists and some seriously unfriendly kicking. We’re sure that the Brazilian Football Confederation will be thrilled at the advert, just three years prior to their hosting the World Cup.
Trash Palace: The UK tabloid obsession with reporting Ashley Cole’s heinous misdemeanors took somewhat of a blow this week, with their dim demonstration of his evil ways courtesy of some overflowing bins outside his L.A. holiday mansion. Right. Take-away on holiday. What a mad, impetuous fool the man is. *Eye roll*