January 26th, 2009
Good Week/Bad Week: Confidence, Cash and Crack
Whilst you browse our sum up of last week’s best and worst news, enjoy David Villa, Carlos Tevez and Craig Bellamy’s attempt to claim their own alternative facial expression titles, now that Zlatan and Nando have King of Bitchface on lock. [Cartoon exclusively for Kickette via studs-up.]
Craig Bellamy has scored himself an £85,000 per week contract at City, and they’ve also agreed to pay for him to have his own personal driver. We have a newfound respect for contract negotiators.
Nouveau riche sex lives:
Good news for footy wives and WAG hopefuls: a new study shows that wealthy men give women more orgasms than poor ones.
Self-confidence in the face of adversity and bad hair extensions:
Jermain Defoe’s latest WAG, Chantelle Houghton, has publically stated that her good lovin’ might be the reason Jermain’s form has been top notch of late. Don’t mock, Kickettes. Chantelle’s hoping for marriage. She’ll need our sympathy one day. For now, just nod and smile.
Birthday greetings to this week to Xavi (Jan 25), Jose Mourinho (today), Sebastian Giovinco (today) Jamie Carragher (Jan 28) and Dimitar Berbatov on the 30th. Party at our house, lads!
Rats with wings
The pigeon community took another football-inspired hit after Chelsea’s Michael Ballack delivered a well-placed ball to an on-field bird. Those familiar with London pigeons know that there is no place safe from these birds, including your train carriage on the tube. *Shudder*
Claude Makélélé, who plays for Paris St. Germain when he’s not canoodling with his supergorge gal, Noemie Lenoir, had his Porsche and Mercedes stolen from outside their house in Paris. No word on whether Claude’s children or Noemie were in the house at the time.
What can we say, we brought it on ourselves. One of our long-time readers has brought down an official Kickette boycott until we agree to stop posting photos of Elen Rives. To that we plead: we cannot. She is our crack. Please understand.
We’ve been inspired (or de-spired) by all the WAG vacay’s of late, and Kickette HQ is packing up for the rest of the week to head west for spa-filled pastures new. Due to insane time zone differences and not wanting to get salt scrub in our blackberries, posting times on the site will vary this week, though we’ll still be updating as per usual.