January 26th, 2009

Good Week/Bad Week: Confidence, Cash and Crack

copyright Studs-up.com

Whilst you browse our sum up of last week’s best and worst news, enjoy David Villa, Carlos Tevez and Craig Bellamy’s attempt to claim their own alternative facial expression titles, now that Zlatan and Nando have King of Bitchface on lock. [Cartoon exclusively for Kickette via studs-up.]

GOOD WEEK:

Chauffeurs:

Craig Bellamy has scored himself an £85,000 per week contract at City, and they’ve also agreed to pay for him to have his own personal driver. We have a newfound respect for contract negotiators.

Nouveau riche sex lives:
Good news for footy wives and WAG hopefuls: a new study shows that wealthy men give women more orgasms than poor ones.

Self-confidence in the face of adversity and bad hair extensions:
Jermain Defoe’s latest WAG, Chantelle Houghton, has publically stated that her good lovin’ might be the reason Jermain’s form has been top notch of late. Don’t mock, Kickettes. Chantelle’s hoping for marriage. She’ll need our sympathy one day. For now, just nod and smile.

Being born:
Birthday greetings to this week to Xavi (Jan 25), Jose Mourinho (today), Sebastian Giovinco (today) Jamie Carragher (Jan 28) and Dimitar Berbatov on the 30th. Party at our house, lads!

BAD WEEK:

Rats with wings
The pigeon community took another football-inspired hit after Chelsea’s Michael Ballack delivered a well-placed ball to an on-field bird. Those familiar with London pigeons know that there is no place safe from these birds, including your train carriage on the tube. *Shudder*

Personal belongings:
Claude Makélélé, who plays for Paris St. Germain when he’s not canoodling with his supergorge gal, Noemie Lenoir, had his Porsche and Mercedes stolen from outside their house in Paris. No word on whether Claude’s children or Noemie were in the house at the time.

WAG-related boycotts:
What can we say, we brought it on ourselves. One of our long-time readers has brought down an official Kickette boycott until we agree to stop posting photos of Elen Rives. To that we plead: we cannot. She is our crack. Please understand.

Jet lag:
We’ve been inspired (or de-spired) by all the WAG vacay’s of late, and Kickette HQ is packing up for the rest of the week to head west for spa-filled pastures new. Due to insane time zone differences and not wanting to get salt scrub in our blackberries, posting times on the site will vary this week, though we’ll still be updating as per usual.

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14 Responses to “Good Week/Bad Week: Confidence, Cash and Crack”

  1. It is a great pleasure reading your blog and get some useful tips in this field of activity.

  2. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    I really love the cartoon strips. Chantelle Houghton is below WAG trashy, it's low even for Jermaine. Happy birthday to Carra and co.My extreme fear of birds is stopping me watching that video. The seagulls here in Brighton are HUGE, more like cats!!!!! COMEBACK TO US LOVELAMPS!!!!! Have a fun vacay, Ms Kickette. Send us a naked baller shaped post card.

  3. LizB (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

    Lol, that pigeon video was hilarious. I saw it the other day. I think I’m spending too much time wandering the internet, I had already heard of a few of the things you all posted today. Must spend less time stalking ballers on the internet so that Kickette surprises me with new things. That thing about Nives… interesting. It was a HUGE scandal, as Venice said. Personally I find the whole thing hugely entertaining.

  4. Dee13 (mrs m metze) says:

    LMAO @ ballack thrashing that pigeon..!! :D :D nice work, my man..! ;) at least it was still able to fly away after…

  5. Dani.Mrs José says:

    YUCK and poor pigeon

  6. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    I really love the cartoon strips. Chantelle Houghton is below WAG trashy, it's low even for Jermaine. Happy birthday to Carra and co.My extreme fear of birds is stopping me watching that video. The seagulls here in Brighton are HUGE, more like cats!!!!! COMEBACK TO US LOVELAMPS!!!!! Have a fun vacay, Ms Kickette. Send us a naked baller shaped post card.

  7. DC says:

    the Good Week/Bad Week entries make my week so much better.looooove it.

  8. Venice says:

    OMG the Nives woman…! There was a big scandal in Croatia regarding her book, I'm ashamed to say it was sold in like a gazillion copies and because of that she was nominated for the prestigious yearly book award. Most other nominees were appalled, they kicked up fuss and boycotted the award, and the organizers simply cancelled it. Nives got terribly upset and claimed her human rights were violated lol! I had to write an article on the whole thing and I spent ages searching the Internet but I couldn't find one decent photo of her, I mean where she's actually dressed. Dino is not a bad defender, but he's such a tool you wouldn't imagine, and sports a nasty gambling habit that cost him his contract at Dinamo…among everything else.

  9. carly says:

    Happy Birthday Special One! 46 but as hot as ever. :) That's Bellamy? He looks like Lahm. ;) And I cannot believe Jermaine De-Hoe is dating Chantelle, even though it makes perfect sense! Yeah, LoveLamps I know it hurts, but Elen is part of this crazyness called Kickette, I guess. So come back!

  10. carly says:

    Happy Birthday Special One! 46 but as hot as ever. :) That's Bellamy? He looks like Lahm. ;) And I cannot believe Jermaine De-Hoe is dating Chantelle, even though it makes perfect sense! Yeah, LoveLamps I know it hurts, but Elen is part of this crazyness called Kickette, I guess. So come back!

  11. FootballerChick43 - says:

    On Craig Bellamy, thats random for a SOCCER CONTRACT to include that. Stick to the football and money.On the new stats, wow.On Chantelle Houghton, wow – thats funny. Seriously…Happy birthdays!On Michael Ballack destroying the pigeon, thats great :) HahaOn Dino having sex in the middle of a pitch, wow.On Coleen Rooney, I even like that bikini.On Makelele's cars being stolen, good God… hope they're found soon.On Kickette, everyone needs a vacation :) Have a good one.

  12. HiL says:

    all i can say is..what a poor pigeon!

  13. aristeia says:

    I cannot comment on anything else, b/c I have not been able to stop laughing at that cartoon! Especially Villa’s “latino heat”.

  14. lose that girl says:

    Hey, you have to give LoveLamps props for trying!

    lose that girl blog