June 10th, 2010
Gorgeous Geezers – The 5 Hottest England Players In The World Cup
Stevie & Lamps celebrate their inclusion in the Kickette England NT Hot List. (Images : Getty Images, AP Photos)
We’re petrified to venture down this path, Kickettes. With the disastrous injury/skankocity woes of the England NT recently, it seems almost foolhardy to single out any of the team for special mention in case we invoke whatever deity of destruction is following them around and someone ends up on the plane home. Still, it’s amazing what a couple of sneaky drams on the hip flask will do for one’s confidence.
Here’s our Hottest Five England World Cup Players list. Whilst reading, we ask all relevant fans to keep their fingers crossed. Just in case.
It’s been a busy year for Joey so far. He’s had a baby (not literally, that would be hideous) and been the subject of much speculation regarding his Chelsea FC career, which now looks to have come to an end.
Now, having secured his place in the England NT, let’s get hoping he brings his A-game to the tournament. He might play some good football, too.
Bless Frank. His love affair with JT is a thing of such beauty that we’ve even managed to push aside our distaste for the off-pitch behaviour of his award-winning mate so we can bask in his rampant, pouty lovliness.
Frank, we worship you. We might even consider giving up ice cream for you. Maybe.
Rio’s misfortune is Stevie G’s gain, and we have every confidence that Liverpool’s captain can do a job for his country. We were going to put something here about him being able to do a job for us, too, but that would just be way too cheap. Wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it? Hello? Echo…
We love David James. He’s big. He’s clever. He’s not afraid to express himself.
Oh, and did we mention he is soooo fit it hurts? We know he’s a bit barmy, but that’s how we like ‘em. So long as the hair remains under control, so too will his ball skills. We hope.
Glen, we salute you.
There’s no point in an England NT hot list without the Godfather of Goldenballs himself. D-Becks might be out with a pesky Achilles injury but his presence is still being felt in the England camp. How we wish we were feeling his presence.
Oh, don’t cry Joe, we didn’t forget you!
The list was a close-run thing, but we felt that as England’s No.1 and owner of the above chest, Jamo pipped Joe at the post. This does not mean that we don’t fully appreciate what Mr. Hart brings to the team. Oh, we so do.
Note: We have seriously reprimanded the former Kickette staffer who ran onto the pitch last season and tried to embrace Joe Hart. Sorry, Joe. It won’t happen again.