June 10th, 2010

Gorgeous Geezers – The 5 Hottest England Players In The World Cup

Stevie & Lamps celebrate their inclusion in the Kickette England NT Hot List. (Images : Getty Images, AP Photos)

We’re petrified to venture down this path, Kickettes. With the disastrous injury/skankocity woes of the England NT recently, it seems almost foolhardy to single out any of the team for special mention in case we invoke whatever deity of destruction is following them around and someone ends up on the plane home. Still, it’s amazing what a couple of sneaky drams on the hip flask will do for one’s confidence.

Here’s our Hottest Five England World Cup Players list. Whilst reading, we ask all relevant fans to keep their fingers crossed. Just in case.

Joe Cole

It’s been a busy year for Joey so far. He’s had a baby (not literally, that would be hideous) and been the subject of much speculation regarding his Chelsea FC career, which now looks to have come to an end.

Now, having secured his place in the England NT, let’s get hoping he brings his A-game to the tournament. He might play some good football, too.

Frank Lampard

Bless Frank. His love affair with JT is a thing of such beauty that we’ve even managed to push aside our distaste for the off-pitch behaviour of his award-winning mate so we can bask in his rampant, pouty lovliness.

Frank, we worship you. We might even consider giving up ice cream for you. Maybe.

Steven Gerrard

Rio’s misfortune is Stevie G’s gain, and we have every confidence that Liverpool’s captain can do a job for his country. We were going to put something here about him being able to do a job for us, too, but that would just be way too cheap. Wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it? Hello? Echo…

David James

We love David James. He’s big. He’s clever. He’s not afraid to express himself.

Oh, and did we mention he is soooo fit it hurts? We know he’s a bit barmy, but that’s how we like ‘em. So long as the hair remains under control, so too will his ball skills. We hope.

Glen Johnson

Glen is an versatile player, reliable in all the necessary fields. Protective at the back, strong in the midfield, and oh so capable up front (see left).

Glen, we salute you.

Honourable Mentions

David Beckham

There’s no point in an England NT hot list without the Godfather of Goldenballs himself. D-Becks might be out with a pesky Achilles injury but his presence is still being felt in the England camp. How we wish we were feeling his presence.

Joe Hart

Oh, don’t cry Joe, we didn’t forget you!

The list was a close-run thing, but we felt that as England’s No.1 and owner of the above chest, Jamo pipped Joe at the post. This does not mean that we don’t fully appreciate what Mr. Hart brings to the team. Oh, we so do.

Note: We have seriously reprimanded the former Kickette staffer who ran onto the pitch last season and tried to embrace Joe Hart. Sorry, Joe. It won’t happen again.

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31 Responses to “Gorgeous Geezers – The 5 Hottest England Players In The World Cup”

  1. Ess-Jay says:

    That’s actually a surprisingly hot list!… I’d forgotten the England NT was that hot!… But, you’ve opened my eyes to James + Cole all over again! :) Thanks girls!

  2. Alexandra says:

    Where's little Michael Carrick?

  3. [...] And, we may be patriots, but we are also pragmatists: The England squad features some mighty fine players. Let’s put our differences aside as we enjoy the view across the Pond courtesy of awesome U.K. site Kickette: Gorgeous Geezers – The 5 Hottest England Players In The World Cup. [...]

  4. Inés says:

    well, I find Rooney sexy! he’s so male and testosterone-filled!

  5. I’d include Michael Carrick, and Rio…. defo Rio. And Joe Cole. But if they’re not on the list then I’ll just keep them for myself. Hehe.

  6. autumnmaple101 says:

    Joe Hart should be there!

  7. Kiran says:

    David james? Lol.

    Where's ronaldo, carrick, rio, john terry?

  8. Moi says:

    Ahhh I want to see the 5 hottest Dutch players!
    That won’t be hard…. There are prob just 5 hot players.

  9. Winnie says:

    JOE HART! <3

  10. rubyqueen says:

    i personally dont think any of the england team are sexy.!!well APART FROM WAYNE.MMMMMM.xxx

  11. Zeenabi says:

    Ummm Rio Ferdinand isn’t on this list .. Explain?

  12. Maria says:

    uhh…joe cole? seriously?!! it should’ve been jt

  13. Rusty (Mrs Clemens F says:

    I don't find Joe Cole attractive in the least, and I think Steven Gerrard looks incredibly ordinary. I also don't think he should be captain.

  14. Liz says:

    YAY Joey is Number 1

  15. C16 says:

    That's a HOT list!

    I'm still waiting for Spain btw.

    • eatmyboost says:

      I’m still waiting for the Spain list too!

      I don’t find any of the England team sexy.

  16. julia says:

    What a perfect list ;) There should be a spot for JT aswell cause god dammit he’s hot..

  17. JaneSpotting says:

    What? No John Terry…he’s scandalicious and delicious. Never mind his short tent excitement. Even Lampsy has JT as No. 1 on his bromance list.

  18. Erin says:

    That is a delectable list!! Led by my Captain Fantastic, of course. Stevie is scrum-diddly-umptious! And Glennie, too! *swoon*

    That is also possibly the hottest pic I have ever seen of James. YUM.

  19. Starsarella says:

    o becks <3 bt stevie i'm watching u this wc. make it happen bb. meanwhile. david james why have i nt noticed b4 yum

  20. elnino says:

    I'll Take David….James.

    Becks is just too attention starved for me

  21. iloveemanunited. says:

    Where's Carrick ? x

  22. This is a great list. All my favourites are on it. Especially Stevie G. :)

  23. This list is fair, but only because David James made it. He is soooooo delicious, his hair included :-p. His tan just melts me away. And as for Glen…oh Glen…he's the definition/reflection of perfection (cliché, LOL). He makes me quizzy…

  24. LuvinBale says:

    Am I the only one who live to see Michael Daeson on this? Or more of him? *Wink wink* love him because of Tottenham and love his boyish little grin. So cute! I love em pale and pasty!!

    Although I will say I am rooting for the good ole US of A!!

  25. bubbly_cheryl says:

    the only one who i think should be on this list and isnt is michael carrick, and this is by no means meant as a slant at anyone, but i PERSONALLY don't think gerrard should have been captain (its mentioned in the post)- not because i'm united, but because he didn't do to great a job at l'pool last season, and if england fail- the media can be ruthless…

  26. Alisha says:

    I was soooo worried that you'd left Joe Hart off the list, I refused to believe that Kickette had, in my opionion, left the best looking English player out, but you saved the day and he should be the number 1, he's so much better than James in more ways than 1 ;)

  27. MrsNesta says:

    Ooh nooooo my lush man is Robert Green, would like to see lots more of him please :) Not too fussed about the others although James's bod is looking good :) Lampard can be cute on occasions :)

    COME ON ENGLAND, getting really excited now, got me flags up and I think that almost every other house where I live has England flags up and loads of cars got them too – just love it!!!!!!!!!

  28. Lora says:

    I'll choose Hart instead of James on and off the pitch. Agree with the rest of the list <333