February 18th, 2011
Grant Wahl: Abdominal Muscle Activist
Hold on. Should this be made legal? We have trouble concentrating as it is. Image: theoffside. Thx Laurie for the tip!
It requires dedication, effort and an unshakable belief in one’s own convictions to run a successful election campaign. This is the reason why you will rarely find us involved in one.
However, even the lazy, couture obsessed oafs who inhabit the Kickette office are not impervious to a relevant cause. This is why we feel the need to draw your attention to Sports Illustrated writer Grant Wahl’s campaign to become the next FIFA president.
Yes, mad as it sounds, Grant has nominated himself as a candidate in FIFA’s presidential election, which takes place on June 1st. The author of ‘The Beckham Experiment’ said in the SI article announcing his plans:
“It gets kind of old hearing the world’s soccer fans complain about Blatter without anyone trying to provide an alternative. And make no mistake, FIFA needs to change.”
So why is this of interest to us? You might well ask…
Well, Grant has also issued a list of changes he has pledged to make should he be elected. We have noted some of the more relevant items here and annotated for your reading pleasure. The reasons behind our mobilisation should become abundantly clear.
Pledge 1: Video review for unclear goal-line calls.
The Kickette View: Let’s be clear. We will never, ever, oppose any kind of call for the implementation of more slo-mo camera replays in football matches. Many of our favourite short tent and thigh slide movements have been spotted because of these replays. The more the merrier!
Pledge 2: A woman will serve as the secretary general of FIFA.
The Kickette View: Yes. And we would be happy to oblige. Providing there is there some sort of expense account facility available.
Pledge 3: All of FIFA’s internal documents will be released to the public “WikiLeaks-style” and an external investigation will be commissioned to hound out the rampant corruption.
The Kickette View: We are against corruption of any form here at Kickette. (Does fiddling the above expense account count as corruption?)
Furthermore, we would like to offer our services as a portal for the release of these important FIFA documents, with our own ‘amusing’ commentary thrown in for free. These releases will be exclusively published on our proposed new site ‘KickiLeaks’. We’ll be like Julian Assange (above left). Only, with a blow out.
Good luck, sir!