February 18th, 2011

Grant Wahl: Abdominal Muscle Activist

Hold on. Should this be made legal? We have trouble concentrating as it is. Image: theoffside. Thx Laurie for the tip!

It requires dedication, effort and an unshakable belief in one’s own convictions to run a successful election campaign. This is the reason why you will rarely find us involved in one.

However, even the lazy, couture obsessed oafs who inhabit the Kickette office are not impervious to a relevant cause. This is why we feel the need to draw your attention to Sports Illustrated writer Grant Wahl’s campaign to become the next FIFA president.

Yes, mad as it sounds, Grant has nominated himself as a candidate in FIFA’s presidential election, which takes place on June 1st. The author of ‘The Beckham Experiment’ said in the SI article announcing his plans:

“It gets kind of old hearing the world’s soccer fans complain about Blatter without anyone trying to provide an alter­native. And make no mistake, FIFA needs to change.”

So why is this of interest to us? You might well ask…

Well, Grant has also issued a list of changes he has pledged to make should he be elected. We have noted some of the more relevant items here and annotated for your reading pleasure. The reasons behind our mobilisation should become abundantly clear.

Pledge 1: Video review for unclear goal-line calls.

The Kickette View: Let’s be clear. We will never, ever, oppose any kind of call for the implementation of more slo-mo camera replays in football matches. Many of our favourite short tent and thigh slide movements have been spotted because of these replays. The more the merrier!

Pledge 2: A woman will serve as the secretary general of FIFA.

The Kickette View: Yes. And we would be happy to oblige. Providing there is there some sort of expense account facility available.

Pledge 3: All of FIFA’s internal documents will be released to the public “WikiLeaks-style” and an external investigation will be commissioned to hound out the rampant corruption.

The Kickette View: We are against corruption of any form here at Kickette. (Does fiddling the above expense account count as corruption?)

Furthermore, we would like to offer our services as a portal for the release of these important FIFA documents, with our own ‘amusing’ commentary thrown in for free. These releases will be exclusively published on our proposed new site ‘KickiLeaks’. We’ll be like Julian Assange (above left). Only, with a blow out.


Pledge 4: Taking off one’s shirt will no longer be a yellow card offense.

The Kickette View: The mother lode. The Holy Grail. Finally, someone has listened. We’re so happy we could cry.

You can follow Grant’s progress via his Twitter feed and sign his petition here. In the meantime, please feel free to offer any further suggestions for Grant’s manifesto below.

Good luck, sir!

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21 Responses to “Grant Wahl: Abdominal Muscle Activist”

  1. mochara says:

    He reminds me of Wolverine in X-Men! (In a very, very good way…….)

  2. Camille says:

    where can i get a vote for wahl t-shirt!!???? lol

  3. Ninjess says:

    I totally cracked up at KickiLeaks. But if he's allowing short-tent replays and promoting shirtless antics, this is no lugging matter – the man has my vote. Could anyone loan me some paint? I have promotional posters to make!

  4. JGilli8 says:

    this is very difficult to admit… but I don't recognize the torso in the main picture… anyone want to educate me? I would appreciate it.

  5. livealittle says:

    really, he had me at pledge 1. but then he hooked me-really hooked me-with pledge 4. i will so vote for that.

  6. @AgnesWonka says:

    I'd love to be the secretary general of FIFA!

  7. eeraaa says:

    All hail the Great Wahl!

    Number 4 MUST be implemented as soon as he takes office.

  8. senora ramos says:

    grant whal is so much fun to follow on twitter. have been doing it for a while. i'd love him to be president, but i don't know if he's joking…probably. sigh.

  9. Liz says:

    Did anyone else see his tweets from the SI Launch Party about how his wife like meeting John Legend more because CR was in a bad mood? Why was he in a bad mood if his GF just got the SI cover because of him? Wouldn't that make him happy? Also see Grant said nothing about Irina and CR being a nice wonderful couple but John and his GF were. I laughed.

    Don't know much about this guy so its either way for me.

    • Susana says:

      GrantWahl Grant Wahl
      FWIW, my wife enjoyed meeting John Legend more than Cristiano Ronaldo at the #SISwim party. CR not in the friendliest of moods.

      Grant also questioned his traveling to New York when he should be focusing on footy, obviously:
      GrantWahl Grant Wahl
      Holy smokes, @Cristiano Ronaldo is here at the #SISwim party. Nice mid-week trip!

      As for Wahl being FIFA president…ANYONE, I repeat ANYONE would be better than Septic Bladder.

  10. Elisa says:

    I can't tell whether or not his candidacy is a joke, but PLEASE let it not be. For the reasons above, but also because Blatter does not deserve to be FIFA president anymore and no one else seems to have the balls to run against him.

    Most of us are girls on this site–you know what Blatter's suggestion for women's soccer was? That we wear more "form fitting" and "feminine" attire so as to attract more attention. Yeah, okay. Forget being respected as athletes. Nevermind the millions of other horrifically bad decisions that he's made to further his own interests. Or his homophobic comments.

    So Grant Wahl, you totally and completely have my vote, for slo-mo, shirtless moments, and less sexism and corruption in FIFA.

    • Elisa says:

      Gah, it edited me. There wasn't anything bad or derogatory there, I promise! I was referring to his implication that only straight people would be able to have sex at the Qatar World Cup :) .

  11. Melanie Gedeon says:

    may god bless him.

  12. Alia says:

    He has my vote!

  13. Lashes says:

    Finally a man with some brains! Pledge 1-3 are great, but I love Pledge 4 is the most important for football!

  14. beenierock says:

    excellent cause

  15. linvinnaar says:

    I will worship Grant Wahl for Pledge 4.

  16. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by kickette, Lampard Indo Fans, MRWF, Lydia, Lazy Girl and others. Lazy Girl said: RT @kickette: We're supporting @grantwahl for FIFA president because he supports abs. Indirectly, anyway. http://tinyurl.com/4pvnqte [...]

  17. CuppyCake says:

    I can totally get on board with these ideas!

  18. blake2108 says:

    Make this man king of everything if it means Pledge 4 will happen