December 18th, 2007

Happy Rooney Holidays

Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin are on the cover of the new HELLO! magazine letting us into their world of obsene wealth and fluffiness.  Best add this issue to your Christmas list – urgently. These are photos you don’t want to miss.  Need help articulating this vision of holiday joy? Loyal Kickette Lyzette emailed us her take:

“Why is there a harsh spotlight just on their faces? To distract from the satanic-looking candles in the supposed-to-be-snow fluff? Are they visiting the snow-covered grave site of Liberace (doubtful—there is no snow in Vegas but who could blame me for thinking so with those candelabras?) Also, wouldn’t candles sitting in fluffy snow melt it?“

So harsh, so true. Apologies to the Liberace estate for the insults.

Main item of interest in the feature story is that since England is out of you-know-what next year, Wayne is free to marry Coleen in June.  They swear it will be a low key occasion.  In WAG-speak, that means only 40 horse-drawn carriages and three changes of clothing during the wedding ceremony.  Wayne summed up the wedding planning best:

“When we [England] failed to qualify, as devastating as that was, we were able to come up with some firm dates,“ explains 22-year-old Wayne. “So I guess there is some up side to it.“

Read the full story in HELLO! this week.
Image: dailymail

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17 Responses to “Happy Rooney Holidays”

  1. Who really cares what they do . I hope no one buys the magazine and they loose sales .

  2. I think they are a cute couple. Wayne is like the homely pimply video game-playing nephew that your aunt despairs will ever move out of the basement and find a nice girl to love him, and he finally does, and all the family sighs in relief and welcomes her with open arms, even though she shops at K-Mart.

  3. judith says:

    oi! <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/bigsurprise.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="big surprise" style="border:0;" />

  4. Wow!, Rooney should not be on magazine covers(they could have at least used a soft lens).  Colleen, is a brave woman……….

  5. Cate says:

    Kaya = New Favorite Person

  6. kaya says:

    The nice thing about Wayne is his uncanny ability to make anything next to him look good. Well, maybe not Carlos Tevez… but that’s not my point. This is not the first picture on this site I’ve seen of Colleen in this curious “bedsheet fashion”. Maybe hanging something from armpit level works if you’re built like a toothpick, but Colleen dear, you’re not.
    Regardless, all you have to do is look left and it’s not that bad, no?

  7. lose that girl says:

    So Wayne & Coleen are getting hitched in June…as are Joe & Carly.

    Anyone else on the radar? Frank & Elen?

    As much as I love a good footballer wedding, I’d much rather have the boys in the Euro!

    Coleen and Carly will have to go all out otherwise the summer will be a complete wash-out.

  8. HKG says:

    “some up side to it”-> he sure seems excited about his wedding! haha

  9. brandy says:

    Ugh. That house needs a fashion make over BAAAAD! And the spotlights should have been focused on something other than their faces…

  10. Cate says:

    Fourth is upsurping me in the subtly biting comments area. Constant vigilence.

    Hey, British people. How do you you say “Plantagenet”? As in, the royal family. Is it all French, like “Planta-jenay”, or is it spoken as it looks?

  11. Robin says:

    I think they actually look rather nice. And the candles are pretty. Can’t believe I just typed that.

  12. tammyv says:

    God, please let the wedding rival her 21st b-day for tactastic cheese!!!  Come on Colleen…you can beat the Toni/Alex diasterous of last year!

  13. aja says:

    "When we [England] failed to qualify, as devastating as that was, we were able to come up with some firm dates," explains 22-year-old Wayne. "So I guess there is some up side to it."

    <- spoken like a true lovebird.

  14. ella says:

    Awwwwww, what a cheesy/cutey (use any word you like) couple.

  15. brandy says:

    4th – that is like the funniest comment ever!

  16. Becca says:

    I Swear I Read In Her Magazine That She Would Never Do Photoshoots In Her House :S

    And I Dont Want Lampard To Get Married <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/downer.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="downer" style="border:0;" /> It Will Be Far To Upsetting For A Frank Fan Like Myself <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/raspberry.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" />

  17. The Fourth Official says:

    Oh dear.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/bigsurprise.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="big surprise" style="border:0;" />

    It appears that Coleen is wrapped in a bedsheet held in place over her bosom by a silver belt that my mom misplaced in 1973. 

    However, in the spirit of the season, I think they are a cute couple for all of that.  You know, Wayne is like the homely pimply video game-playing nephew that your aunt despairs will ever move out of the basement and find a nice girl to love him, and he finally does, and all the family sighs in relief and welcomes her with open arms, even though she shops at K-Mart.