June 19th, 2007

Hello? Is it OK You’re Looking For?


Take warning, fellow Kickettes.  When the time comes to book a wedding singer, choose carefully.

At Toni Poole and John Terry’s wedding this weekend, Lionel Richie was the guest of honour, paid nearly £250,000 to perform at the reception.

After being heckled by the crowd – who by this point were stonking drunk – Richie had to ask everyone to pipe down so he could finish his set. Toni Poole looked on in horror – obviously by now she knows what footie boys are like, especially considering John Terry’s penchant for gambling and alleged affairs. It’s said that she was very “anxious” when Mr. R was on stage.

The Sun newspaper reports:

“It was really embarrassing. Toni was looking very anxious about the lads making a real fool of her. When he started singing Hello the boys started chanting back to him as if they were on the football ground terraces. They had downed so much champagne at the reception the guests became really lairy and started shouting over his set.”

Things got worse for poor Toni and her stress levels when Lionel made a joke at the start of his set, saying, “I had better open the show with Hello since it is going to be in that magazine next week.” Er, no, smart guy, it’s OK! Magazine actually. Why don’t you stick to the singing and spritzing the Jheri curl, and leave the jokes to us.

We’re thinking Toni should have saved her concerns for the menu: prawn cocktail and fish and chips served in newspaper. Repeat: fish and chips served in newspaper.

Until we see photographic evidence of this actually occuring, we will continue to believe the good folks dined on Chateaubriant and caviar. Otherwise, how will we sleep at night?

Coleen McLoughlin also had her hands full that day trying to keep her man Wayne Rooney from boozing it up to the point of no return.

Rumour has it that she started taking Wayne’s glasses away from him, and if waiters tried to give him a refill, Coleen told them he’d had enough. Wayne and Frank Lampard were also doing Zambuca shots and getting their boogie on the dance floor. Sources say the lads were downing entire glasses of champs like they were shots. Well, of course they were. Has no one ever seen ballers out on the town before? They have the ability to drink themselves sober. Or into a coma. All part of the charm.

Guest’s at the Terry nuptials included Steve McClaren, Michael and Louise Owen, Frank Lampard, Daria Zhukova and the newly divorced Roman Abramovich and Ashley and Cheryl Cole who had some sort of bickering girly fight over something like clothes. The wedding was held at Winston Churchill’s ancestral home

The ever romantic Terry made a short speech, saying: “Thank f*ck that’s over!” Ladies? Are you swooning?

JT and Toni are honeymooning on a yacht in Nice, via a hookup from Mr Abramovich.

Link: Mash of the Day
Link: Hello? Lionel’s Wedding Woe

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3 Responses to “Hello? Is it OK You’re Looking For?”

  1. liverpoolchick says:

    ….poor,poor toni poole!!! i just get the impression that married life won’t make all that much difference to the suffering she’s faced!!Poor,poor toni! After all a leopard cant (or won’t) change it’s spots…EVER!!!

  2. Cate says:

    What the hell was that woman thinking. Seriously.

    Love him on the pitch, utterly disgusted by him in most other aspects of life. He must be a real talker, me thinks.

  3. carly says:

    From the bottom of my heart, I do feel a bit sorry for her. She’s already been through hell apparently and now..it’ll go on. And on.