November 24th, 2008
Now Hiring: Premiership Shower Cleaners
image via Getty/AFP Photos
It’s been a not-so-wonderful week for Arsenal’s William Gallas. He started with a bizarre attack on an anonymous twenty-five-year-old teammate for being immature and not putting the team first. Which was a bit, well…immature. (We, of course, are above speculating on the guilty party he was talking about. But apparently, Gallas identifies said player as “S”.)
Anyhoo, the rant result is that Gallas as Arsenal captain is no more. But is this news? Not when there are other, much more interesting bits of info on offer:
Gallas’s autobiography, La parole est à la défense, came out last week in France, and it contains the embarrassingly intimate revelation that some of his teammates build strength before games by denying themselves of any “relations” with their wives and/or girlfriends.
However, these are young, virile lads and waiting until they get home after the game is apparently too much to ask. So they are… (Oh, how can we put this delicately?) They are “flying solo”. In the team showers.
“Twenty days is not always easy for hot-blooded young men. Certain players say it’s better not to make love the evening before a match as they will not have the legs or strength left to play. Others believe the opposite – they feel lighter. In a nutshell, it depends on the person.
When the desire is rising, it’s not easy. Deprived of your wife, you have two choices: either you calm your impulses under a cold shower or you give yourself pleasure on your own. Full stop.”
We are inclined to disbelieve this: our hidden showercams have turned up nothing of the sort.
Side note: must add Fog-proof lenses to shopping list.