November 24th, 2008
Now Hiring: Premiership Shower Cleaners
image via Getty/AFP Photos
It’s been a not-so-wonderful week for Arsenal’s William Gallas. He started with a bizarre attack on an anonymous twenty-five-year-old teammate for being immature and not putting the team first. Which was a bit, well…immature. (We, of course, are above speculating on the guilty party he was talking about. But apparently, Gallas identifies said player as “S”.)
Anyhoo, the rant result is that Gallas as Arsenal captain is no more. But is this news? Not when there are other, much more interesting bits of info on offer:
Gallas’s autobiography, La parole est à la défense, came out last week in France, and it contains the embarrassingly intimate revelation that some of his teammates build strength before games by denying themselves of any “relations” with their wives and/or girlfriends.
However, these are young, virile lads and waiting until they get home after the game is apparently too much to ask. So they are… (Oh, how can we put this delicately?) They are “flying solo”. In the team showers.
“Twenty days is not always easy for hot-blooded young men. Certain players say it’s better not to make love the evening before a match as they will not have the legs or strength left to play. Others believe the opposite – they feel lighter. In a nutshell, it depends on the person.
When the desire is rising, it’s not easy. Deprived of your wife, you have two choices: either you calm your impulses under a cold shower or you give yourself pleasure on your own. Full stop.”
We are inclined to disbelieve this: our hidden showercams have turned up nothing of the sort.
Side note: must add Fog-proof lenses to shopping list.
Oh how I wish I could time travel back 5 mins so I did not read this *scrubs brain with wire brush* – TMI and the visual pic is still there.
Oh,my Cesc is captain!!!!I'm so glad to hear this.About Gallas,I'd like to read his autobiography…He gives so juicy details about players…..
Cesc has taken over the captains duties
im glad…. if im honest i have never really liked gallas
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Oh. Oh. My. O_O That's… um… interesting.
Right, I tried to escape Jeremy Kyle and headed here to the sanctuary of Kickette but then I read THAT. EEWWWWWWWWWWW. TMI TMI TMFI!!!!! I wouldn’t like to know what people will be chanting at Arsenal matches now…
Umm….
Umm….
What I have to say about Gallas would be excessively rude. So I say nothing. Or maybe just"How sad, no one is sticking up for him in here" Few ballers get that kind of treatment.Awww:)
See? This is the difference between a great team captain (Roy Keane) and a poor one (William Gallas). Keane's autobiography speaks of the hunger for trophies, leading the troops into battle against opponents, and the unceasing quest for footballing perfection. Gallas' autobiography talks about jerking off.
Well said, Fourth. I agree 100%. Wanker — literally!lose that girl blog
Wow. Just…. wow. Wow… Why the piss would you write that down?
WAIT A GOOO WILLY MORE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/snake.gif" width="19" height="19" alt="snake" style="border:0;" />
BRB–Laughing uncontrollably.
Okaaaay. I'm just really glad that my Cescy's el capitan now.
CECS AS CAPTAIN!
this is all just adding to my folder of what i dont understand about men. 1st of all, i dont understand mass "relieving", you wouldnt get a group of women doin that. 2nd, if it does have to happen, why feel the need to tell us all! we know youre European and "freeer" with this kinda stuff, but this is not the time! why why why???? im so confused! and massivly grossed out. i wonder who came up with the idea. *embarassed face that i actually want to know!*
Oh my God Gallas…. I'd like some things about footballers to remain unknown…
Hmm, never did really like him , even when he was a chelsea boy. he probably deserved it
Okay, Gallas has issues. Its a bit odd how he has noticed this in such detail……creepo!! But go Cesc for captain!
Yeah…too much information there, Gallas. Way too much information.
I feel compelled to say it again. EW.
Ewwww. I can't wait to hear the terrace chants towards your team after that confession, Gallas. Has there ever been a player beaten to a pulp by his own teammates before? Gallas is working really hard on being the first.
OMG. I need a labotomy because that picture will never leave my brain. I dated a hockey player in college and they were basically forbidden from having "relations" before a game because it killed their legs. Now I am horrified to think what he did in the showers after…
Ick! Does he specify elsewhere that it's in the team showers? Because I'm not getting that from the quote above. Regardless, I don't need to know anything at all about Gallas's….emissions. He's revolting.
oh god… why some people can’t stay quiet about some things… o.O
Cripes, lads, use the hotel showers if you’re desperate…
This is one occasion when I wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall!
It’s weird, I could have gone my entire life without needing to know this info.
eeerrr.. uuuh. yeah Gallas, thanks for the fascinating little tid bit of ever so important info… yikes.
1. Yay Cesc!! Congrats on captaincy.
2. The rumor I heard is that Gallas was talking about two different people with the 25 year old and the "S" player: the first on Arsenal and the second a French teammate. Although they do often overlap…
3. Way TMI, Gallas. This guy seriously needs to learn to stop talking.