November 24th, 2008

Now Hiring: Premiership Shower Cleaners

image

image via Getty/AFP Photos

It’s been a not-so-wonderful week for Arsenal’s William Gallas.  He started with a bizarre attack on an anonymous twenty-five-year-old teammate for being immature and not putting the team first.  Which was a bit, well…immature.  (We, of course, are above speculating on the guilty party he was talking about.  But apparently, Gallas identifies said player as “S”.)

Anyhoo, the rant result is that Gallas as Arsenal captain is no more.  But is this news? Not when there are other, much more interesting bits of info on offer:

imageGallas’s autobiography, La parole est à la défense, came out last week in France, and it contains the embarrassingly intimate revelation that some of his teammates build strength before games by denying themselves of any “relations” with their wives and/or girlfriends.

However, these are young, virile lads and waiting until they get home after the game is apparently too much to ask. So they are… (Oh, how can we put this delicately?) They are “flying solo”. In the team showers.

“Twenty days is not always easy for hot-blooded young men. Certain players say it’s better not to make love the evening before a match as they will not have the legs or strength left to play. Others believe the opposite – they feel lighter. In a nutshell, it depends on the person.

When the desire is rising, it’s not easy. Deprived of your wife, you have two choices: either you calm your impulses under a cold shower or you give yourself pleasure on your own. Full stop.”

We are inclined to disbelieve this: our hidden showercams have turned up nothing of the sort.

Side note: must add Fog-proof lenses to shopping list.

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31 Responses to “Now Hiring: Premiership Shower Cleaners”

  1. FirstTeamCoach says:

    Oh how I wish I could time travel back 5 mins so I did not read this *scrubs brain with wire brush* – TMI and the visual pic is still there.

  2. nassia_fab says:

    Oh,my Cesc is captain!!!!I'm so glad to hear this.About Gallas,I'd like to read his autobiography…He gives so juicy details about players…..

  3. Dani.Mrs José says:

    Cesc has taken over the captains duties :D im glad…. if im honest i have never really liked gallas

  4. Dani.Mrs José Manuel Reina (PLQ) says:

    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  5. aristeia says:

    Oh. Oh. My. O_O That's… um… interesting.

  6. Sarah says:

    Right, I tried to escape Jeremy Kyle and headed here to the sanctuary of Kickette but then I read THAT. EEWWWWWWWWWWW. TMI TMI TMFI!!!!! I wouldn’t like to know what people will be chanting at Arsenal matches now…

  7. TammyV says:

    Umm….

  8. TammyV says:

    Umm….

  9. Dreamgirl says:

    What I have to say about Gallas would be excessively rude. So I say nothing. Or maybe just"How sad, no one is sticking up for him in here" Few ballers get that kind of treatment.Awww:)

  10. The Fourth Official says:

    See? This is the difference between a great team captain (Roy Keane) and a poor one (William Gallas). Keane's autobiography speaks of the hunger for trophies, leading the troops into battle against opponents, and the unceasing quest for footballing perfection. Gallas' autobiography talks about jerking off.

  11. lose that girl says:

    Well said, Fourth. I agree 100%. Wanker — literally!lose that girl blog

  12. FootballerChick43 - says:

    Wow. Just…. wow. Wow… Why the piss would you write that down?

  13. DOMINIQUE says:

    WAIT A GOOO WILLY MORE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/snake.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="snake" style="border:0;" />

  14. Chante says:

    BRB–Laughing uncontrollably.

  15. Aianna (Mrs. Jim&eac says:

    Okaaaay. I'm just really glad that my Cescy's el capitan now. :)

  16. truly_thata says:

    CECS AS CAPTAIN!

  17. VictoryFord says:

    this is all just adding to my folder of what i dont understand about men. 1st of all, i dont understand mass "relieving", you wouldnt get a group of women doin that. 2nd, if it does have to happen, why feel the need to tell us all! we know youre European and "freeer" with this kinda stuff, but this is not the time! why why why???? im so confused! and massivly grossed out. i wonder who came up with the idea. *embarassed face that i actually want to know!*

  18. Genevieve Gourcuff says:

    Oh my God Gallas…. I'd like some things about footballers to remain unknown…

  19. Becca says:

    Hmm, never did really like him , even when he was a chelsea boy. he probably deserved it :)

  20. Baby Freya (Mrs Arbe says:

    Okay, Gallas has issues. Its a bit odd how he has noticed this in such detail……creepo!! But go Cesc for captain!

  21. Kat says:

    Yeah…too much information there, Gallas. Way too much information.

  22. klyn312 says:

    I feel compelled to say it again. EW.

  23. AJ says:

    Ewwww. I can't wait to hear the terrace chants towards your team after that confession, Gallas. Has there ever been a player beaten to a pulp by his own teammates before? Gallas is working really hard on being the first. ;)

  24. Boston Red says:

    OMG. I need a labotomy because that picture will never leave my brain. I dated a hockey player in college and they were basically forbidden from having "relations" before a game because it killed their legs. Now I am horrified to think what he did in the showers after…

  25. Erin says:

    Ick! Does he specify elsewhere that it's in the team showers? Because I'm not getting that from the quote above. Regardless, I don't need to know anything at all about Gallas's….emissions. He's revolting.

  26. CrazyOrange says:

    oh god… why some people can’t stay quiet about some things… o.O

  27. mrscudicini says:

    Cripes, lads, use the hotel showers if you’re desperate…

  28. Moonie says:

    This is one occasion when I wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall!

  29. Stephanie?sBojan says:

    It’s weird, I could have gone my entire life without needing to know this info.

  30. klyn312 says:

    eeerrr.. uuuh. yeah Gallas, thanks for the fascinating little tid bit of ever so important info… yikes.

  31. Sarah says:

    1. Yay Cesc!! Congrats on captaincy. :D :D :D

    2. The rumor I heard is that Gallas was talking about two different people with the 25 year old and the "S" player: the first on Arsenal and the second a French teammate. Although they do often overlap…

    3. Way TMI, Gallas. This guy seriously needs to learn to stop talking.