June 20th, 2011
Hook Ups: Cesc Fabregas & A Random Brunette
Now Kickettes, you know we adore us some Cesc. We are hot for his form and lukewarm for his corny hair styles. We nub him, ya hear?
But c’monnn already with the confusion, babycakes! We can hardly keep up with your shirt stains let alone the girls going through your revolving dating door, so we’re taking today’s juice with an extra helping of preposterous pulp, ladies and gents.
Over the weekend, the Arsenal club captain was papped holidaying with a rando brunette (thought to be named Daniela) in Nice, France. The two – plus a boy who is old enough to know when to take his next dose of Flintstone vitamins – were seen topping off their tans, perfecting their pool entry forms and jet-skiing in the Mediterranean. The brunette with ample assets was identified as ‘Cesc’s girlfriend, Carla Cutie’, but any semi-conscious Cesc fan can clearly see that she is not the Carla Dona Garcia that we once grew to love.
We can imagine what you lot have to say about the matter, but what about our staffers’ sentiments? We rounded up our Kickette troops to hear which doughnut recipes are best for staving off Cescy’s man-ho tendencies, and here’s what they had to say:
‘If the DM were remotely capable of irony, I would say there were lashings of it on that image where they describe her swimsuit as ‘flattering’. But they’re not’. –K1
‘For me, Cesc looks terminally befuddled. I suspect his split with Carla has confused him so much he’s lost the plot and started dating the first person who looked remotely like her in a nightclub after 26 flaming sambucas. She now thinks he’s desperately in love with her and he’s too polite to tell her the truth. Bless.’ – K2
‘I would like to expand my take on not accepting her. I feel like Cesc is doing this to make me jealous. He is clearly sending me a message‘. — Kickette’s HBIC after further contemplation
In conclusion, we can’t cook and only 1/4 of us can bake blueberry muffins without burning her flat down, so with a wide margin of error as wiggle room, we’re going to say with 0-10% certainty that Cesc is not dating this woman (who may or may not by 1 part parent to the mysterious little boy she’s hiding her Cesc crack-smelling habits from).
Because in all honesty, if he were, that would make him much less attractive to us. And that just wouldn’t be acceptable.