November 23rd, 2011
How To Please Her: Abbey Crouch
Ya know, we’ve always been fond of Abbey Crouch (née Clancy) and her ability to look drunk off her ass without a hair or hem out of place. It’s a skill set we can only dream of adopting sometime before we’re eligible for senior citizenship.
So naturally, once this week’s MrPorter.com issue of The Journal was delivered to our inboxes with shouty blurbs about Abbey restyling her fam (husband/Stoke City player, Peter, brother/Fleetwood City FC footballer, Sean and brother/aspiring musician, John) we and our post-dinner glasses of Port just had to dive right in and get all the juicy deets while they were still hot off the press.
In the feature, which is entitled ‘The Details: How To Please Her’, Abbey tells guys to look “expensive, like “they smell amazing” even if they don’t, and to “embrace their age” all whilst wearing “a good crisp white shirt, a nice blazer, a pair of Italian brogues or loafers and a roll neck.”
Sound advice if we ever heard it.
She goes on to mock Peter’s wardrobe prior to her forcing a woman’s touch on his closet:
“It was pretty bad to be honest; half-mast jeans, white socks, trainers with the laces tied so tight the sides were almost touching and a V-neck jumper,” Clancy said. “He completely denies this by the way, but I’ll never forget it. He’d been living on his own for quite a while and had no female input and it showed!”
“…I’ve slowly tweaked him into what I think suits him and what I like a man to wear. He’s become a lot more fashion conscious in the past couple of years.”
Ironically, Abbey’s husband “hates shopping” and walks behind her like “a stray dog” when she manages to drag him to Zara. Well then, how come we never see Peter leaving the house naked?
“I tend to just do it [shop] for him.”
“I have influence, but it only goes so far. Peter likes to make his own decisions. If I tell him to wear something, like a rollneck, he’ll refuse and then six weeks later might just start wearing it.”
Please Abbey, in the name of all things holy, do not allow your man to take any beachwear ideas from you/us. We guarantee that it will not end well for anyone.