August 29th, 2008

In Pictures: Gooch and a Gal

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This is the American centre back Oguchialu Jacob Onyewu, more commonly known by the rather frathouse-inspired moniker of “Gooch”. He’s 6’4″, plays for Standard Liège (Belgium) and is in talks for a potential transfer to the EPL or one of the bigger sides in France.

BTW, did anyone catch the Liverpool/Standard Liège game last night? Let’s all send some supportive, steady-handed thoughts to the surgeon who’ll be operating on Stevie G’s groin.

But back to Mr. Onyewu. Before you ask, no, we do not know who the graduate of Professional Video Hoes 101 is. UPDATE: she’s his wife, Salome. Golly.

Nor do we have much information on whether these photos were taken for Gooch’s private Athena collection of bicep and skeeze or as an ad campaign for denim, undies or draperies.

What we do know for certain is that footballers and their ilk have bizarre addictions to these such photoshoots. Need we remind anyone of the IKEA cardboard arthouse?

This spread may not be able to rival that of the bat-shite crazy nun on a bicycle, but we applaud Gooch for his effort. Also being applauded: his abs.

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24 Responses to “In Pictures: Gooch and a Gal”

  1. Mrs. John Terry says:

    I prefer David Beckham for Armani.

  2. The Fourth Official says:

    Wow! I have no idea who these people are, but they sure are purty!!! Perhaps I’ll put them to work in the pub for the day. *right clicks pic*

    EDIT: Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Steven. England needs you!

  3. Genevieve Gourcuff says:

    Nice abs. Not a fan of the chest fuzz though… and yeah I’m with Mrs JT – it’s nothing compared to Becks in Armani.

  4. Becca says:

    Liverpool got lucky the other night. didnt they?!
    I think shes pretty, but she looks like a bit of a slut… sorry .

  5. FootballerChick43 - says:

    Onyewu's chest seriously makes me want to go pour something down it, just to see if it'd run through his 6 pack.

  6. anonymous says:

    Guchi looks hot as can be. The girl in the picture is his ex-girlfriend. They haven’t been together for a while but these pics are still floating around. He’s in a relationship now with a girl from the states! Best of luck to you Gooch!

  7. Don’t you think that the girl in the pic is really hot, wild and sexy.

  8. seo says:

    wow. excellent stuff sir.. i really appriciate they way you express..

    thank you sir..

  9. great post. That is one awesome looking couple.!

  10. Bones says:

    Good..she is hot!

  11. Gooch seems to have a problem looking at her partner. If i was him, would concentrate mostly on her:-)

  12. Healthy skin but look so wild =D for me. By the way, what is the girl name ?

  13. mila says:

    hhm very hot me thinks great body ok face but HAVE YOU SEEN THAT BODY woo <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/raspberry.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" /> healthy lookin skin too me likes

  14. Correction says:

    The gal is not his wife it is actress/model Jordana Brewster. She is that chick from The Fast and The Furious waaay back in the day.

  15. simon says:

    hey, the pix is all great and all, but do check out drcareesp, it hit breakingnewsusa.com check it out

  16. Nancy says:

    For more American lookers, google Brian Ching. Ahh, Boca. I remember him from way back.

  17. hik says:

    good heavens.

  18. I love kickette! says:

    Pretty sure that girl is Jordana Brewster.

  19. TammyV says:

    GOOOCH!!!!! I love you and I forgve you for that diasterous loan spell at Newcastle. No, I do and I totally blame Shambles. Side Note: Kickette, I love all the American Love this week

  20. TammyV says:

    GOOOCH!!!!! I love you and I forgve you for that diasterous loan spell at Newcastle. No, I do and I totally blame Shambles. Side Note: Kickette, I love all the American Love this week

  21. Sarah says:

    Hahaha, ohh Gooch. Not much else I can say.

  22. Erin says:

    I have already volunteered to be Stevie's personal masseuse for the area. My massages also include full-body licking…I find it helps in the healing process. ;) As for Gooch…he seems a good player. But I have always heard the word "gooch" as slang for a part of the male body….the one that "ain't the….and ain't the…." Hmmmm.

  23. Stephanie?sBojan says:

    Wow, I am on a strew of negativity or something because all my posts of late have been mean/sarcastic/pessimistic or all three, so let’s continue! I don’t like him very much and I think his pecs are too big! the only really muscular guy I like is Canna, but it works for him for some reason. I still consider Bocanegra to be the hottest American (not that I really know any others)

  24. Johnna says:

    Kickette, thanks for all the American love this week!