February 9th, 2011
International Friendly Preparation: The Truth
No Sergio, you haven’t got away with it. Our verdict on your hairdo is coming soon. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
The controversy surrounding international friendlies during the season has raged on for so long now, we would have got bored of it if we had cared in the first place. We have no space in our lives for debates on whether players are tired, whether the the games are unnecessary and the criticism of team managers for making too many substitutions, not enough substitutions, playing the wrong formation or using an umbrella. Depending on how their team performs, of course.
Instead, we’re going to focus on preparation. Prior to the World Cup, you may recall that our intrepid sisters at the Kickette Scientific ManCandy Research Institute undertook a mission to examine the training techniques of a few of the national teams. They never did return from the pub, but their memory lives on and for this reason we are going to do the exact same thing.
Look. We’re tired, busy and fractious. We make up for our declining standards by offering photos. Okay?
As for the Institute, happy in the haze of a drunken hour (…ahem) somewhere, we salute you.
Drink In Peace, ladies.
It’s terrifying news for any country hoping to steal Spain’s crown as European champs, World champs and footballing geniuses of the highest order anytime soon. Here we see a few of the Spanish NT taking delivery of the next set of players for the national team, currently in the ‘seedling’ stage. They will be carefully placed in a greenhouse and watered regularly until they burst into maturity and begin terrorising other nations on the pitch. True fax, people!
Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
So far, Germany are the only national team to have embraced the exciting new technology of ‘Faceballs’. They may look foolish now, people, but when the protective measure is brought in by FIFA (a radical rule change we are awaiting with interest) other teams will be laughing on the other side of their faces. The one without a large football glued to it, presumably.
Image via fff.fr.
In the French NT, it seems that a lack of communication is at the heart of their recent failings. Here we see Bacary Sagna looking on with amusement as Gael Clichy is roundly admonished for forgetting to bring the training ball.
Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
Speculation regarding the status of JT and Lampsy’s bromance has been rife in the Kickette office recently. Careful analysis of the above photo does not reassure. Here we see John’s neediness manifesting itself with his insistence on holding Frank Lampard’s hand throughout the training session. Frank, who will be captaining the side for this evening’s game against Denmark, is now sadly above such things. Oh dear.
Image: MARTIN BUREAU/AFP/Getty Images.
Oh. We appear to have located the Kickette Scientific ManCandy Research Institute, demonstrating the skills they learned on the road. How nice!