November 1st, 2011

Jack Wilshere: Mouth To Mouth? Yes, Please!

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In a video series for St John Ambulance, Jack Wilshere is showing his fellow footballers theĀ proper resuscitation techniques required for those inopportune times when a flash sale site crashes just before we hit ‘check out’.

Arsenal ace digital campaign charity

As Jaydubs carefully demonstrates above, when a Kickette’s breath (and will to re-add items to her cart) is taken away, pretty players are obligated to help the innocent person in need. SJA’s step-by-step guide, which has since been revised by yours truly, is as follows:

1. Ask which side of the face photographs best in pictures, then prop the head up with a goose feather pillow.

2. Check for vitals: heels are intact, eye makeup is freshly smudged with kohl liner and mobile has enough battery for pictures later.

3. Don’t call for help.

4. Lean in for a kiss…

5. …for 30 seconds.

6. Repeat.

A tip for the suffering: during steps 4 &5, don’t just lie there like the proverbial dead fish. Move around, change positions, be inventive, and wear him out before he comes to his senses.

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4 Responses to “Jack Wilshere: Mouth To Mouth? Yes, Please!”

  1. Agnes Wonka says:

    I want to be that artificial person receiving air from Jack!

  2. gin_in_teacups says:

    Are you trying to give me heart palpitations? Because if so, job well done Kickette. And job well done Jack. I don't really know what for, besides generally looking hot. But job well done.