November 1st, 2011
Jack Wilshere: Mouth To Mouth? Yes, Please!
In a video series for St John Ambulance, Jack Wilshere is showing his fellow footballers the proper resuscitation techniques required for those inopportune times when a flash sale site crashes just before we hit ‘check out’.
As Jaydubs carefully demonstrates above, when a Kickette’s breath (and will to re-add items to her cart) is taken away, pretty players are obligated to help the innocent person in need. SJA’s step-by-step guide, which has since been revised by yours truly, is as follows:
1. Ask which side of the face photographs best in pictures, then prop the head up with a goose feather pillow.
2. Check for vitals: heels are intact, eye makeup is freshly smudged with kohl liner and mobile has enough battery for pictures later.
3. Don’t call for help.
4. Lean in for a kiss…
5. …for 30 seconds.
A tip for the suffering: during steps 4 &5, don’t just lie there like the proverbial dead fish. Move around, change positions, be inventive, and wear him out before he comes to his senses.