November 13th, 2008
Jermain Defoe: Man-Ho of the Year
We’re declaring Portsmouth’s Jermain Defoe as our 2008 Man Whore of the Year. It’s quite an achievement.
What’s brought on this sudden and (some might argue), premature victory? After all, there are still a good six weeks left in the year for another player to sweep in with a gaggle of hoochies and take the title. (Btw, where’s vintage C-Ron when you need him, damn it?)
We’ll tell you. The news that Jermain has started dating Chantelle Houghton has made us feel secure enough to make this formal statement.
Now, we love and respect our readers too much to provide any coverage on the “career” or personality of Miss Houghton, but let’s leave it to her ex-friend, Danielle Lloyd (who also dated Jermain) to sum up her market value:
“If Jermain wants her, he’s welcome to her. She’s not like me — she’s like Woolworths.”
We have no idea what the hell that means. But we think it’s supposed to be a snap of some kind.
Anyhoo, by calling out Jermain as King of all that is Skank, we are not advocating that professional footballers should remain holy and pure and stay home most evenings playing relaxing games of Candyland with a glass of non-sparkling water – far from it.
We applaud badly behaving ballers – it’s their duty and responsibility to hooch it up, we recognize this. But Jermain’s decisions to work his way through groups of friends throughout 2007/08 is what puts us right off.
Lest we forget, he was engaged to party girl/kitchen shopper Charlotte Mears before she busted him cheating on her with her mate, Danielle Lloyd. An entertaining catfight ensued.
And now, Chantelle. Oh, and way back in the day, Jermain and David Beckham’s sister, Joanne also had a fling.
Wow, we’re exhausted.
Jermain, you are a true Man-Ho Icon. Enjoy your title for 2008, luv. Part of the prize package is a free check up at the local clinic. Make it count!